


Where do we go from here?

by Ejohn1414



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aftermath of Violence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve, Protective Steve Rogers, Psychological Drama, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:10:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 58,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2233620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ejohn1414/pseuds/Ejohn1414
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up among the group know as Hydra, Charlotte "Charlie" Evans, has known nothing but death and violence, in fact she's grown accustomed to it. However once her father is killed she has a difficult time adjusting, not wanting to let on that it actually bothered her she immediately heads to her uncle, the man in charge...Alexander Pierce. He assigns her a new assignment, one he knows she'd be good at, taming the man they call the Winter Soldier. She gladly accepts knowing this is what she's good at, getting men to do what she wants. Eventually though she learns the truth about this soldier and his true past, guilt takes over and she discovers what real emotions are despite her best efforts to fight them her entire life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty i have as many Bucky feels as the rest of you lol i just want to help the damn guy, so i thought i'd give this a go:-) We''re starting off with a bang though soooo here we go

It’s another mission, I tell myself as I stroll into the control room like I have nearly every other day for the past year. My mission you see is not like most people, I’m meant to control someone, get what I need from them by any means necessary. Those means generally involve something sexual and that someone is the man they call the Winter Solider.   
“Alright, Charlotte sweetie this is just like any other time. He’s erratic, keeps saying he recognizes the man from the bridge which is just ridiculous, but he won’t cooperate.” My uncle Alex explains, he knows I hate it when he calls me Charlotte yet he refuses to call me anything but that. It’s the name my dad, his brother, chose and that’s what I’ll always be to him. “We need you to go in there and get any information you can from him and…”  
“I’ve done this before. I think I know what I’m supposed to do.” I interrupt, being short with him which I know is a bad idea, but this whole thing is starting to get under my skin. The way they’re treating this man, I know it’s wrong and normally I wouldn’t blink an eye but after seeing his file I find myself questioning my entire existence. “I just mean you don’t have to give me orders. I’ll get your information. I always do don’t I?” I glance up at my Uncle, in charge and intimidating as always. It’s times like this I miss my dad. Despite what he did for a living he had a much softer side then his brother Alexander Pierce.   
“You have to admit Sir, she is good at what she does…very, very good.” Agent Brock Rumlow pipes up from the left of my uncle wearing a knowing smirk on his face that I have to fight the urge to smack off.   
“Hey Brock…” I say trying not to get into too much trouble but sometimes my attitude has a habit of rearing its ugly head. Especially when it comes to Rumlow, a guy I slept with one time, who turned out to be a gigantic ass and terrible lay. Yet he loves to remind me it happened anyway.  
“Yeah sweetheart.” He responds and I have to choke back my urge to vomit a little in my mouth. I see my uncle roll his eyes as he moves out of the way to let me handle the prick.   
“Go fuck yourself.” With a wink I walk forward and shove my fist into his stomach knocking the wind right out of him. After leaving him to deal with the blow I return to my uncle’s side. “Alright let’s get this over with. I want you all out of the room though. I can handle him on my own.”  
“What I thought you liked an audience.” I hear Rumlow crack from behind me but instead of causing him anymore harm like I want to, I ignore it.  
“I can handle him.” My voice is even and steady as I stare up at Uncle Alex, who is staring straight ahead, mind always on the mission. A moment later he glances down at me and nods.   
“Everyone out.” He states plainly and I watch as all the security guards and other agents stroll out of the room leaving only us and Rumlow, whose eyes I can feel baring into the back of my head. “Escort her in.” Uncle Alex tells Brock who grabs my elbow roughly and I struggle, but soon give up. He’s such an ass.  
“Alright. This is where I leave you Charlie.” I glare up at him trying not to roll my eyes as he releases my arm begrudgingly. He stares for another moment, his eyebrows raised, like he’s expecting something.  
“What?” I ask, the annoyance clear in my voice.  
“That outfit doesn’t really scream, I wanna fuck your brains out.” He states bluntly like saying something like this is perfectly acceptable. It takes a lot for me not to hit him again as I stare down at the black shirt and denim skirt I wear then back up at him. There’s this look in his eyes, one I recognize and I bite back a laugh. The jack ass is jealous as hell it’s not him who I’m about to screw and it’s freaking golden.   
“Ya know what you’re right.” The smirk on my face is hard to control. If he wants to be a jealous ass hole, who has zero chance with me by the way, then I’m going to make it even harder for him. Pun intended. Carefully I slide off my t-shirt to reveal the lacy cami I wear underneath, not much skin covered at this point and after that my final move, my check mate if you will. With both hands I reach up my skirt, tugging down my matching panties and stuffing them in his front pocket. “Yep, that’s better.” The look on his face is that of absolute frustration and needless to say I know I’ve won this battle. Turning on my heel I begin my walk to the old bank vault smiling proudly. “And hey, watch if ya like buddy, because that’s the closet you’re going to get to ever fucking me again.” I add over my shoulder and shortly after hear the door slam. I let out a small laugh, but then shiver a moment later realizing how drafty it is in this place.  
It’s not a place one would choose to be, certainly not a place the soldier wants to be that’s for sure. As I approach the room he’s being held in I feel my stomach twist and turn into knots knowing that I have to do this to him again. The first few times I didn’t mind, hell considering he’d be on ice for nearly half his life, he was pretty damn good at this. It’s just after I found out who he was, who he had been and what my uncle had helped do to the man, it just didn’t feel right. Having a conscience though, as a member of the group Hydra, was simply not allowed. If I were to say anything along these lines to anyone else I’d be punished. I wasn’t exactly sure what would be done to me being as their leader was my blood relative, but I know it wouldn’t be great. The last person to speak up to my uncle was shot in the back then locked in a refrigerator and tossed into the Pontamic. Hydra is all about keeping the order, however they feel necessary, no matter how wrong it might be. That was their way, the only one I’d ever known.  
I can’t think this way though, I have to shake off the guilt, that’s the only way this will get done. There’s no room for mistakes here because despite his lack of accountability the Winter Soldier is dangerous. If he wanted to all he would have to do is get a hold of me with that metal arm and I’m toast. The weird thing though, is that it’s like he’s almost grown to trust me at this point. It’s been a year, maybe a little more since these meetings began, and he’s almost grown attached. When I show up, even if he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown, remembering bits and pieces of his past, the one their trying to hide from him, I can get through. It’s a strange thing but my presence, my touch even, it seems to calm him down. This isn’t really a thing I like however, because it only makes the guilt that much worse.   
When I finally enter the room, the old bank vault, machines of some sort lining the walls, the ones that control his minds wipes, I feel nervous seeing him hunched over in his seat. I’m quiet, light on my feet as approach the soldier, his head hung low, dark strands of hair covering his ruggedly handsome face. I notice his breathing his heavy, his bare chest rising and falling rapidly.   
“Soldier.” It’s my intention to sound detached, zero emotion in my voice, but damn it they seep through. He doesn’t look up though, just stays put staring down and that’s when I notice his whole body is shaking and there’s cuts and bruises everywhere. My heart drops immediately but I can’t show it, I know despite the fact that my uncle kicked everyone out he’s still there watching. He always watched. “Hey...it’s Charlie.” At this his head snaps up, then I see those big blue eyes so sad and just lost.  
“Charlie…” He rasps, his voice barely audible but I notice the corner of his lip rise slightly. He’s happy to see me, and I want to be sick. How the hell am I going to do this? This man trusts me for some strange reason, and I can’t keep using him like this. No it’s wrong.   
“Yeah it’s me.” I respond moving forward reaching a hand out and brushing his hair away from his bloody face. I let my hand rest there a moment, and his reaches up grasping my wrist tightly not wanting me to let go. “What did they do to you?” My stomach is in knots as he stares back at me, shaking his head.  
“I knew him Charlie, I did…”  
“Knew who?” I ask quietly, not wanting my uncle to hear this conversation, keeping it as low as I can. The security feed is mostly visuals, sound isn’t great.   
“The man on the bridge…the one they want me to kill.” His voice is full of uncertainty and guilt as he speaks, his eyes avoiding mine. This thing that’s driving me nuts is that I can’t tell him the truth, that he did know him that he was his best friend, but I have to keep quiet.   
“Shhh…” I just have to calm him down like I always do. That’s my mission, get him to cooperate and that’s it, none of this is going to help. “It’s okay solider. I’m going to make it all better I promise.” My voice is meant to come off as confident and sexy, but when I look at his face I know this isn’t going to work not like this. “But first let’s get you cleaned up huh?” There’s no way I can leave him a mess covered in his own blood, no, so I make my way to the sink and grab a couple of towels. After wetting them I make my way back to the solider and get down on both knees before him. His eyes still avoid mine as I check out his wounds, they’re superficial, not deep, but there’s a lot. Carefully I reach my hand up to his face, and immediately he flinches. “I’m not going to hurt you.” My words are true but I feel like I’m lying. I’ve already hurt you Bucky, I tell myself. I’ve lied to you and used you and manipulated you, but no, I won’t hurt you I swear.  
He glances up, eyes boring straight into me, like he can sense the guilt I’m feeling but still that longing in them. Nothings changed, the solider is still hungry for my touch and I hate myself for that. After a nod from him I move my hand and slowly begin to wipe the blood from his face, wishing this hadn’t happened, that I hadn’t agreed to help my uncle with this mission from hell. Of course I hadn’t expected to care. I’ve never cared about much before. What was the point? Yet as I sit hear cleaning up this winter solider, James Buchanan Barnes, my whole body aches with these so-called feelings. Every part of my mind is screaming at me to protect him, he doesn’t deserve this, set him free and let him find Steve Rogers. He’ll know what to do right? He is Captain America after all. It won’t be an easy thing though, getting Bucky out of this place, but I should try. I owe the poor man that much after all I’ve help put him through.  
“Hey solider?” I say standing once the last of the blood is gone and his beautiful face is all better aside from a few scrapes.   
“Yeah Charlie?” For some reason my stomach flutters when he calls me that, it sounds nice coming out of his mouth.  
“I have a plan okay?” His brow furrows as he glances up at me, but he says nothing only nods. After tossing the cloths to the side I smile at him as seductively as I can, knowing I’m being watched, and it’s time to put on a damn show. A moment later I take a step forward before the seated solider and lift one leg wrapping it around his side, then the other so I am on his lap straddling his solid body. I throw both arms around his neck and lean forward pressing my mouth to his ear, kissing it lightly as I whisper. “I’m going to get you out of here. I won’t let them do this anymore okay? Just play along.” His arms wrap around my waist tightly, my body firmly in his grip the metal from his left hand sending chills up and down my spine.  
“What?” He asks leaning back to stare at me with so many questions in those puppy dog eyes. I silence him with my lips though, he needs to keep quiet, we can’t let on that anything is different then before. His lips don’t fight me, only kiss back, soft and sweet, not like this caged animal they make him out to be. Sure our first time had been rough, sloppy as hell but who knew how long he’d missed out on things like this? Now though he kisses me passionately, with care, his touch gentle like he wants to remember every moment of this.   
On his lap I begin to move my hips, slowly grinding my body against his knowing I have to make it look like I’m taunting him. It’s working a little too well though because I can feel his excitement grow a little in his pants.  
“Solider…I know this is enjoyable for the both of us, but I need you to focus okay?” As my lips move from his and down to his neck, kissing it hungrily I begin to reveal my less then brilliant plan. “This is only for show I’m sorry. I need to make it look like we are about to have sex, and then I need you to get angry, violent…they’ll come in to break it up…” I pull my face from his neck and look him in the eyes a moment, grasping his chin in my hand searching his eyes for something, an answer maybe. That this is the right choice, that I’m not making the wrong one. “Then you run, solider. You run as fast as you can.” Bucky glares up at me and I expect him to speak, but he doesn’t. His eyes focus on mine, questioning my sanity possibly, then his metal hand reaches up and slides into my hair smoothly letting me know with his gentle touch that this is what I have to do. He needs my help.  
His eyes hold mine for longer then they should but I can’t look away. I want to cry, scream, but instead I just gaze into them, so blue and distant.   
“Fuck…” I mutter then pull his face back to mine, devouring his mouth, kissing him with more passion and hunger then I had even thought possible. His touch is full of as much intensity as mine as his arm wraps around me tighter, the metal one caressing my face as the kiss deepens and his tongue slides in my mouth playing with mine. I grasp the bare skin on his back trying to remember this is all for show, but I can’t help but get lost in the solider as he stands from the metal chair they used to strap him down in for the mind wipes. My legs are wrapped around his waist as we stumble back towards the far wall and soon I;m pressed between his body and the cold concrete.   
“Am I going to see you again?” Bucky asks in ragged breaths as his mouth trails down my neck and he begins to nibble at my earlobe. I suck in my breath hard, trying not to show how much I’m actually enjoying this but damn it he’s so strong and gentle and…Fuck.  
“Probably not. They’re not going to like that I’m helping you. I’m supposed to keep you under control, not set you free.” I respond breathlessly suppressing a moan as his left hand moves down from my hair on to caresses my breast over the thin fabric of my cami. Suddenly I want to tear that off myself, let that cool metal touch my warm skin, but I don’t, I have to keep my head in the game.   
“Why are you doing this?” After a second of silence Bucky pulls away to once again look me in the eyes. It’s too much, his compassion, this huge heart you can see pouring through those baby blues. Sure he’s a ghost of the man he once was, but it’s all still there just bubbling under the surface. If he can get away from Hydra then maybe he can be that person again. I glare back at him a moment, but I don’t have a good response so instead I pull his face just close enough that out noses are grazing.  
“Kiss me a little while longer okay? Then get rough…I’ll try to fight you off but then I need you to hit me...hard.” This plan will work I just know it, but Bucky’s demeanor changes slightly at my order. His body grows tense.  
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispers and I move my face away a moment to get one last good look at the solider stroking his cheek with my hand gently.   
“I can handle it.” I nod then without another word bring his lips back to mine, letting myself get lost in him for one last time. I don’t want to admit it to myself but I’m going to miss those lips and his arms around me, even the metal one. I sort of love the way it feels against my flushed skin when he’s fucking me, even just a simple touch from that hand is enough to send me over the edge. Our moves soon grow intense once more as we move around fumbling from wall to wall, growing sloppier and rougher by the minute and if not for Bucky’s human hand my head would have slammed into each wall painfully. He’s protecting me though, and even despite the distraction of his touch, I am fighting back my tears as I find the perfect spot for this to take place.   
Once we’re in the perfect vantage point I stop kissing Bucky for one second, needing to look into his eyes one last time. Breathlessly we gaze into each others eyes, neither saying a word but knowing what’s about to happen, knowing this is the last time we’ll see each other. I try not to cry but it’s useless, the tears are streaming down my face.  
“Now.” I say quietly and I can tell Bucky is hesitant. He doesn’t want to do this, but I nod. “Do it.” He shakes his head, looking away a moment but I don’t give him the choice connecting our lips once more. I grow more aggressive and so does he, but this time he’s much stronger then I’m used to and his metal hand is squeezing my ass a little tighter then I’d prefer. We hit a wall again and I can feel the blow, Bucky’s human hand gone. I know it’s time for me to protest because he glances at me a moment with the most pained expression. He gets rougher and I don’t hold back my gasps, making it known that it hurts. “Soldier…slow down…” I say, but he doesn’t comply. “Solider.” I continue my voice now getting louder so the sound can pick it up. Once more I’m slammed into the wall, the blow causing my vision to blur. “Soldier you need to slow down, damn it!” His kiss intensifies, he’s not stopping like I want him to, but I know it’s all for show when he whispers apologies with each hit. He keeps going though and now I’m trying to fight him off, my legs sliding down his body so he’s towering over me.  
As I try to push him away, shoving my hands into his solid chest I know it’s useless, but I need to make it look like I’m trying. He gets annoyed with the pushing so he grabs me by the hair turning my whole body around, pressing me up against the wall and yanking my neck back so he can kiss me. If I weren’t supposed to be pretending he was assaulting me this might actually be kind of hot, but I have to shake that thought from my head and be the scared little girl I’m pretending to be. Both of his hands clutch my hips, touching the skin beneath my cami roughly as he continues to kiss my neck. He shoves me again into the wall, too roughly, harder then he even intended because suddenly there’s a metallic taste in my mouth. I’m bleeding, but it’s alright, it’s working. I continue to protest as he hikes up my shirt exposing my bare breasts and I shiver from the cold of his metal hand on them. He’s growing too rough once more, yanking an arm behind me like he wants me to beg for mercy.  
“Soldier, stop…” I say but he keeps going, lost in me as he pulls on my arm harder. “I said stop you’re going to break my…” Once more he pulls too hard and I scream in real pain. I expect an apology but don’t receive one this time and my stomach drops. Did I lose him? Is Bucky still in there or has the solider replaced him? “Stop!” I shout angrily as I struggle away from his grip but when I do and I turn to face him I see only anger in his eyes. I have to wonder if he’s putting on a show anymore. “I said stop damn it.” My tone is firm and aggressive enough for him to register what is happening and I see the recognition in his eyes. I almost lost him for a second there. This is it though, I need him to attack me. I can tell by his face though he doesn’t want to, but I glare at him until he gets the point. This is our only way. “Do it.”  
Without another thought Bucky raises his left hand, the metal one so I know this is going to hurt like a son of a bitch, then with more force then I expect he swings it down against my jaw knocking me to my knees. My whole weight slams into the ground and I shout in real pain.  
“Do you think you guys can just fuck with my mind like that huh?” Bucky shouts growing angrier by the second. I know it’s for show, but he has a point. “I had a life, I’m not just some mindless weapon you can manipulate for fun!” He leans down squeezing my face in his metal hand roughly then shoving me to the floor again.  
“Kick me.” I say loud enough so he can hear. I know I don’t need him to do this, the hit was enough. People are on their way right now to stop this, but I deserve it. I’m responsible for his pain just as much as the rest of Hydra.   
“No.” He whispers sternly as he paces back and forth before me.  
“Do it!” I yell as loud as I can, making sure he knows it has to be done. There’s a moment of hesitation from him, but a second later his foot collides with my ribs and I fall to the floor clutching my stomach and coughing painfully.   
“Don’t make me do that again…” He whispers desperately and not long after this I hear the doors pounding open.  
“This is your chance Bucky.” I say without realizing I hadn’t ever called him by him real name. He stops moving at the sound of that, a look of recognition in his face.  
“Bucky?” The sound of his voice breaks my heart but I shout again for him to do it as the armed guards descend upon him. I watch from the ground as they all go up against the winter soldier and fail miserably. They’re no match for the super soldier and his metal arm as they all fall by the wayside and it looks like Bucky is going to escape. That is until Brock shows up in the doorway with a gun and one of those damn electrical baton things I hate. The solider charges towards the door but I can tell Brock has a better shot. He raises his gun right at Bucky’s head, him rushing forward fearless, but it’s not going to work. He’s going to get shot. I have to act, and act fast. Quickly I struggle to my feet and realize I can reach Brock before he shoots.  
“Yeah come here soldier, I’ve always wanted a piece of you.” Brock hisses and as I focus my vision I know what has to be done. I’m going to be giving away everything here, but I don’t care anymore. Bucky has to get the hell out of this place before they ruin what’s left of him. After bracing myself I lunge towards Brock and wrestle him and his gun to the ground. We both struggle with it for a minute, shock written all over his face. “Son of a bitch! I knew you couldn’t handle this!” He shouts but I ignore him, punching him in the jaw hard. His fist connects with my stomach though, but I yell one last thing before my I take another hit.  
“Bucky get the hell out of here now!” I struggle a little longer with Brock and before he punches me again I see Bucky running towards the door. He’s almost there! Then with one more blow to the face I lose all consciousness and the room goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought a little history would make it more interesting:-) enjooooy

ONE YEAR AGO  
Keep hitting. Don’t stop fighting. Keep struggling. Don’t ever surrender. I repeat this to myself after another failed mission, one I know I had zero control in but I can’t help but kick myself for letting that happen. I lost a few men, but they keep trying to say it wasn’t my fault. It’s bull shit though. I’m not focused, not like I used to be.   
“Charlotte I told you that if you need some time off that’s perfectly fine.” Uncle Alex says as he pours me a glass of milk, half empty for some strange reason, but I don’t question him only shake my head and drink.  
“No. I told you I’m fine.” It was true. At least I think.   
“You’re father has been dead for less then a month. It’s perfectly normal for you to grieve. He was my brother….I understand.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes, because the fact is, trained killers don’t mourn. We don’t feel, and that’s the way I like it.   
“Look I get that you are trying to make me feel better, but you don’t have to. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I just need another mission, with people who aren’t dumb enough to get themselves killed.” I snap back, making my annoyance clear with his attempt to bond, which is unfortunately a mistake because the man has a worse temper then me.  
“Charlotte do not speak to me with that tone.” He states his voice even, yet scary as hell. The man certainly knows how to make sure people know it’s him that’s in charge and no one else. I have zero response for him though because I am stubborn as hell, so Instead i cross my arms and just avoid his angry glare. “You know what? If it’s a mission you want then I think I have one...One that won’t get anymore people killed, one that requires a certain skill set.” At this my eyes turned back to him, curiosity getting the better of me. Honestly I’d take anything at this point, anything that would make me feel like I was actually accomplishing something. I need a win, bad.  
“You have my attention.” I end up following Uncle Alex as he walks through the halls of SHEILD, smiling and nodding at those who pass, all of them clueless to the fact that they have been working for the enemy for decades now. I quietly laugh to myself as I think about these idiots strolling around thinking they’re doing something good for the world, though Hydra believes the same. I suppose its just their methods that differ. What I noticed as I watched my dad and uncle as a kid, when they work they work with less restrictions. They’re not concerned about the innocent victims that may get in the way of a plan, no they stick with their gut no matter the outcome. They’ve been running this thing all along and I must say I’ve enjoyed the irony.  
“Alright, so here’s his file.” Uncle Alex says as he escorts me into an office, one a few levels below ground, one most people aren't aware of only a select few. I reach out and grab the papers from his hand, browsing through them. “He’s our greatest asset, responsible for more assassinations then you can count on both hands.”  
“Alright and where do I come in?” I look at the photo of the man, and his left arm catches my eye right away. “Whoa…” I say under my breath as I examine the metal arm, complete with the stamp of a red star on the side like a tattoo. “Where did that thing come from?” The file is pretty detailed listing every kill he has completed going well back into the 70’s which makes almost no sense because the guy with his disheveled hair and unshaven face looks no more then thirty. With Hydra however, and people like Steve Rogers running around town, you learn to ignore that type of stuff.  
“He lost his arm in a fall and it was replaced with that, it’s made from a collection of durable alloys and has the strength to punch through a steel door.” Uncle Alex glares up at me, as I’m lost in thought wondering what else that arm is capable of, intrigued to see if I could take it on myself. “Charlotte he’s got a temper, we send him on missions and afterwards he fights us, won’t cooperate…” I glance up to meet his stare and feel my face contort into a look of confusion.  
“Again…what do you need me for?” His eyebrows raise at my question then he motions for me to have a seat in the chair across from him. I am slightly hesitant. He usually only behaves like this when he wants to feel superior, like I have to listen to him because he’s the one in charge. I know what his next move will be before it even happens. I do as he says and take a seat in the hard chair then not a second later he stands back up and moves to my side, resting on the desk before me. Now he’s the one with the better vantage point and I have to say I’m a little irked, however I do not share this information. It’s better if he is in the dark about how well I have learned to read him.  
“Well sweetheart you and I both know that you have a certain way with men.” It’s a fact at this point so I ignore the creepiness of these words coming out of my uncle’s mouth. It doesn’t bother me. I am fully aware that I can control a man with such ease that it’s a little pathetic. Generally in most missions I’m able to get everything I need and that all begins with the simple bat of an eyelash. “You have the beauty and grace of your mother, but the training of me and your dad. It’s the perfect combination for this mission.” These words however do bother me. Whenever he speaks of my mother I get the sense that he may have loved her, but never told her or my dad about that. It was clear he missed her though, and when she died, although I was just a kid, I remember him taking it just as hard as the rest of us maybe even harder.   
“Alright…so again…what do you need me to do?” My impatience, not one of my stronger suits, is showing and Uncle Alex recognizes that and stands up once more, toying with the fact that he’s in charge. It’s like he enjoys lingering it over everyone’s heads and sometimes I want to smack him for it. That however would not be a good choice, you do not want to be on his bad side.  
“Charlotte I need you to tame the beast.” My brow furrows at his words and I take a moment to think about what he means, but before I can put two and two together he walks back in my direction to explain. “He’s a man Charlotte, with a bad temper…I think all he needs is a female touch someone to calm him down when he’s having one of his episodes.” He doesn’t have to say anymore I know exactly what he’s asking. If I were any normal woman I’d stand from my chair and slap the man right across the face, but this sort of stuff comes natural to me.   
“So you want me to fuck the Winter Soldier into submission…is that what you’re saying?” I glance back down at the file, swallowing hard, and not feeling much but perhaps a sense of purpose. Using my body to manipulate a person is second nature to me at this point and needless to say I’m up to the challenge. Having the worlds most powerful assassins in the palm of my hands? Yeah, I think I like that.  
“Do you accept your mission Agent?” Uncle Alex asks, eyes narrowing on me over his glasses with a small smirk on his lips. Glancing down at the file one more time I cannot help the grin that spreads across my lips. I wonder a moment if this is the right reaction to finding out you’re job is to have sex with a complete stranger, not only that, but a trained killer as well. These are the questions a normal person I supposed to ask, of course I’m not normal, so I push that idea to the back of my head knowing exactly what my answer will be.  
“Absolutely.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've already written like four of Charlie's chapters sooo i'm just gonna post them all:-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any feedback is welcome my beautiful people...i love writing this stuff and hearing what you all think

Present day

I'm awoken by the sounds of my own screams as I feel an electrical pulse flow through my entire body and I'm snapped back to reality. My reality, the one I've created for myself.  
"Time to wake up Charlie." My eyes bolt open at the sound of the mans voice. When I come to I see the people that fill the cold, dark room and realize I'm tied up, hands above my head the rest of my body dangling limply. "Nice to see ya again beautiful." Rumlow says with this stupid smirk id smack off if my hands weren't constrained.  
"Where is he? Where's Bucky?" I start saying before I even have the chance to gather any of my thoughts, his safety apparently being my only concern in my disoriented state. Rumlow let's out a sharp laugh then his fist flies forward into my gut knocking all of the wind out of me. It takes me a minute to recover, longer then usual and I wonder how long id been down here like this. Usually i can take a hit, but i'm much weaker then usual. Even if i tried there wasn't anyway i could take on any of the men in this room, not in this state.  
"Charlie I have to say I'm pretty disappointed in you kid. What happened to that cold emotionless killer that let me fuck her in the men's room of some shitty bar on our first date? Your detachment was one of my favorite things about you...but then ya had to go and develop feelings..." Rumlow begins as he paces back and forth in the dark room but I can't focus on the words he's saying. My head hurts, actually my entire body hurts and all I can hear a faint humming sound as he speaks.   
"Where is he?" I say again my voice stronger now as I regain some control. I just need to know if he made it out alive, then I'll know this was worth it. All of the wrong I've done could be fixed if I was just able to help this one person.  
"Well here's the thing Charlie, your solider didn't make out. Your plan failed. In fact..." I blink my eyes as they try to focus on Rumlow who moves towards the door on the far side of the room. With the same annoying smirk he slides it open revealing a figure, tall, much bigger then Rumlow and then I notice something shiny when the light reflects off his left...arm. "He's right here and he's got a little present for ya. Sick her soldier." He hisses the order like he's speaking to a trained dog, and I half expect Bucky to disobey. He trusted me, I helped him. Why would he want to do anything Rumlow said? Then I remember what my uncle had done to him, the way he would erase everything that had mattered to the soldier, so when he walked in my direction I prepared for the worst.   
"You're the reason I'm in here." This however is the last thing I expect.   
"What?" I manage to get out, my voice cracking as I speak.  
"It's your fault they treat me this way..." His eyes are vacant, yet sad. You can't erase that sadness. "You're the one who's in charge. You used me, hurt me." I immediately start shaking my head, which is a mistake, only making me more nauseous.  
"Bucky no..." At the sound of his name, one he no longer recognizes, he raises his left fist and it soon connects with my jaw. The feel of the metal on flesh, ripping it apart instantly and I have to bight back a cry. "They're lying...I wanted to help.." I manage to get out, but seconds later he hits me again this time in the stomach. My body hunches over in pain as I remember the last time we had seen each other. He was begging to not have to hurt me, and now here he is doing it with pleasure. "I'm sorry they did this to you." It's all I say as I take one more hit to the face. I want to cry, scream and try to get through to him but it's useless. Bucky is gone and so is the soldier that grew attached to me. "I'm sorry..." My body aches as I choke back another sob. Those emotions id only recently developed are taking over now as the tears begin to fall from my eyes. Yet as I look up at Bucky there's no sympathy there, he doesn't care how much pain I'm in. In fact he almost seems to be enjoying this. I try to apologize one last time but he reaches up grabbing my chin roughly with his metal hand forcing me to look at him.  
"Shut up. I don't want your apologies. I don't accept them. You're a liar and I hope they break you. It's what you deserve." His voice is cold, angry but despite how much they hurt I don't disagree.  
"You're right." I whisper wishing this would just end, that he would put me out of my misery. His eyes hold mine for longer then I expect and for a second I catch a glimpse of the old him, the one who used to look at me with compassion, his big heart trying to shine through but Bucky immediately rejects the emotions. I see him struggle a moment like he almost recognizes me again but it angers him. He yanks his hand away from my chin with force, my neck snapping to the side painfully. "I'm sorry Bucky..." I say it one last time hoping I can reach that small part of the man that's left in there but it backfires and he swings at me again landing hard across the face. This time he doesn't stop though, the punches keep coming until I'm coughing on my own blood and I can barely see straight anymore.  
"Soldier. That's enough." A loud voice pipes up from the back of the room. "Take him out of here. Now." The blonde haired blur of a man steps into the light as others pull Bucky away leaving me bloody and battered. My left eye is so swollen that at this point I can barely see through it, and my entire body feels like it's been thrown down a cliff then hit by a train. I'm coughing loudly, blood flying out of my mouth, not sure if it's from the cuts caused by Bucky's metal fist or if I'm bleeding internally. I can't focus at all, and after a moment my hands are released from the ties above my head and I fall into the cold hard ground with a loud cry escaping my lips. "The rest of you out too. I need to speak with me niece." I watch from the floor as the other men drag Bucky away. He's upset, irate and they can't control him. That was my job. They handle it different though, they whip out that baton and zap him till his body goes limp and he can't resist any longer. "Ohh my sweet sweet Charlotte." Uncle Alex circles around my broken body and I can sense the disappointment in his voice even through my haze of pain. I don't care though. I'm not sorry. "You've made a huge mistake and you know there's no way I can get you out of this one." He squats down to get closer to me but I move away instinctively, afraid I'm going to be hit again. "Please tell me what you were thinking? What was going through your head when you thought you'd try to do something so incredibly stupid?" I blink my eyes as they fix on him intently. Why did I do this? Really?  
"You want to know why I tried to help your soldier? You want to know why I tried to give a man his life back? A life you and hydra stole from him?" My words come out ragged, throat sore and blood still lining the inside of my mouth but I don't care. I need to say my peace. He needs to know why I chose to help Bucky. "Because it's what's fucking right." Uncle Alex's head tilts to the side as he looks at me, amusement on his face. For a moment he's silent and I think he will just get up and leave me but I'm wrong. The usually calm Alexander Pierce lunges toward me, one of his hands grabbing me by the hair roughly and pulling my face closer to his. It happens so quick, I can't react, only shout in fear.  
"You're my niece and my brothers daughter. I love you. But this is not how you were raised Charlotte. You've let me down...you've let hydra down and I know that you've let your father down." He says knowing exactly what will get to me, using my dad to play on my guilt. "Now I have to leave you in here. I can't kill you but you have to be punished. If I set you free they'll think of me as weak. I'm not weak." His grip loosens slightly on my hair and I can tell he's struggling a little making this decision. I shouldn't say anything else but I can't help it, I'm pissed. I've gotten nothing else left to lose.   
"You're wrong uncle Alex. A strong man wouldn't do what you do...he wouldn't destroy innocent people for their own gain. My dad was a strong man you're not...you're weak." This was a mistake because after shoving me to the floor hard as he could uncle Alex calls for the guards and Rumlow.   
"Do whatever you want with her. Just make sure she is awake for the whole thing....and leave her alive. She's going to live with her decision for a very, very long time."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another flashback:-) the first "mission" if you will....look out for smut my friends

“Alright Charlie are you ready for this?” Brock asks me for the third time as we make our way down to the old bank vault where they were storing the winter soldier. He had a habit of being a little over protective which was very annoying but also sort of sweet i guess.  
“For the last time Brock…I said I got this.” He stops moving down the dimly lit hallway for a second and steps in front of me. I watch as his hand reaches up and rests gently on my shoulder. “What?”  
“I just think you should be careful alright. Think this through a little longer…he’s not safe…”  
“Look I get that you think you have to look out for me or something, but believe me you don’t. I’ve been doing this for awhile I think I’ll be okay.” I say with a confident wink and a grin, brushing his hand off my shoulder and continue my walk down the hall. I can feel his eyes on me as we move, probably checking out my ass as always, but I ignore it and think about how I am going to approach this soldier. He doesn’t get out much, so I’m pretty sure he’s certainly not used to getting any attention from a woman such as myself. I don’t mean to sound cocky or like I’m bragging because I’m not. Plain and simple, with my thin frame, blue eyes, long brown hair and above average cup size I attract a lot of male attention. My looks are something I’m able to use as a weapon and that’s it, that’s the way my mind operates.   
Soon the two of us reach the control room where Uncle Alex and a few other guards stand in a circle discussing the Solider and his behavior. I listen intently as they speak of the way he’s fighting them off, not cooperating, and they're just not getting the information that they need. Then they turn to me.  
“We just need to find out what happened on the mission but his temper is out of control. As opposed to simply sedating him Charlotte we need you to go in there and do whatever you need to get him to cooperate and speak.” I nod understandingly as Uncle Alex speaks and that’s when I hear a loud shout coming from behind a closed door down the hall.   
“Is that him?” I ask curiously, wondering exactly what I’ve gotten myself into, but not nervous just curious in a morbid kind of way.   
“Yes. He’s out of control. There will be guards on standby if you need them. Also there are cameras so we will be keeping an eye out making sure that you’re safe.” I nod once more then excuse myself for a moment. After leaving the room full of men I make my way across the hall to the restroom in need of a mirror. When I glance at my reflection I see someone darker staring back, and that feeling of detachment takes over. My mind wanders to a conversation I’d had with my mother years ago when I was far too young to understand what she’d meant. The only words that had stuck in my head all of these years were “You’re better then this”. Most girls would cling to that belief when they’d done what I had, but not me. I fight them, because it’s all lies. This is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, I’m not the woman my mom said I’d be and that’s fine.   
After examining my make up once more and checking out the black dress that was chosen for me, skin tight with maximum cleavage, I take a deep breath. There was no turning back now I tell myself as I head back into the control room. All heads turn in my direction as I speak.  
“I’m ready.” Quietly I’m lead into the vault, the sound of drilling filling the air and a loud bang following as we walk through the prison cell like doors. There’s shouting and yelling coming from the inside but I the guards in front of me are blocking my view of all the commotion.   
“Soldier!” That loud thunderous voice comes from Uncle Alex and I am a little surprised at the amount of anger he’s showing. “Control yourself.” Then a second later he’s back, calm and steady. I feel Brock by my side, hand resting on the small of my pack, and I’m mildly annoyed by his concern but I have to focus. I listen as my uncle continues to speak, explaining to the solider that he has a visitor, someone who wants to speak with him. Then the guards clear the way for me. It’s my turn now.   
Carefully I make my way into the dimly vault, the anticipation of the mission ahead setting me on edge yet calming me down at the same time. This was what I was good at, I’m in my comfort zone. This mission will be successful I have no doubt and no ones blood will be on my hands for once.   
“Soldier, I want you to meet Charlie.” Moments later they are in sight and I have to admit I’m slightly taken aback by the image before me. I pause for a second and take it in, the soldier is sitting in a chair, shirtless, metal arm on full display, head popping up only to glance at me with a strange look I don’t recognize. His eyes are big, blue and full of rage. Honestly I’m surprised with all of that anger that he’s staying still and not attacking us all. Sure there are armed guards surrounding him, but after reading his file I have no doubt that he could take us all. Yet he stays in his seat, computers and some type of machines at his back, and he listens to what is said. “She’s going to have a talk with you alright?” The soldier glares at me in confusion, and an odd feeling shoots through me. What it is though I don’t recognize, so I brush it off without another thought. “Let’s leave them be gentlemen.” Uncle Alex stands and motions for the rest of the people to leave the room and naturally they do as his says, although I see Brock glancing back one more time, mouthing the words good luck, then they’re gone.  
The room is completely empty now except for the two of us and we are both silent. I examine the soldier for a moment, his eyes glued onto me, yet he’s not sure what to make of the situation. Truthfully he looks sort of like a lost puppy, like he wouldn’t know what to do with a woman if he had the chance. This is how I have to approach it, be gentle, reassuring, and he should fall right into my trap.  
“Hello Soldier.” I begin to walk in his direction, my heels clicking loudly on the cement floor. I don’t expect a response nor do I get one, but I still get closer, taking a seat on the chair beside him. “My name is Charlie.” He turns his head, glancing up at me curiously as his brown hair falls into his face. Instinctively I reach hand out to brush it away, but he takes it as a threat and grabs my wrist tightly to stop that from happening. “Hey…it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to help.” The lies fall out of my mouth with ease and surprisingly I feel his grip loosen slightly.  
“What do you want?” His voice is hoarse and deep, uncertainty clear in the tone. With my free hand I reach out once more and brush the hair away like I had intended. Strangely enough the solider responds in a normal way, turning his face into my hand enjoying the feel of my skin against his. Something about it is sort of sweet actually but I shake that thought and continue to do what I have to in order to get the answers my uncle wants.   
“I just want to help.” I whisper, leaning my face closer to his and the fact that he doesn’t pull away is a good sign. He releases my other hand from his so it’s now free to rest on his cheek. “All you have to do is give these men the information they want…and then everything will be okay. I promise.” My voice is soft, sweet even and I can tell the soldier isn’t used to being spoken to this way.   
“I can’t tell them…they’re liars…they are going to use me and then put me back on ice. I can’t go back on ice.” His voice is barely above a whisper and that feeling returns, one slightly resembling guilt. I wasn’t sure what exactly he meant but I could tell as I gaze into those big blue eyes that something has him shaken up. That’s why I’m here though, to make it all better.   
“Solider I promise it will be okay.” I lift his chin up gently, sliding my other hand into his tousled hair and a small moan escapes his lips. “It’s been a while since someone's touched you like this hasn't it?” I ask, a playful smirk appearing on my lips. The solider scoots a little closer to me, so now our faces are inches apart. His eyes close as if he’s taking in the moment, enjoying the feeling of my touch. When his eyes open once more he nods, and I smile. “Don’t worry Soldier. I’m going to take care of you.” His eyes gaze straight into mine, not really sure of what he supposed to do so I take over. I’m in charge now. “Come here.” Carefully I pull his face forward, his lips meeting mine with a certain softness I hadn’t expected from Hydra’s greatest assassin.   
As our lips continue to move together I slide out of my chair and wrap both legs around the solider so I’m now on his lap straddling him. I feel the cold of his metal hand on my thigh and it sends a shiver throughout my whole body. His other hand moves to the small of my back, gripping me tightly as our kiss deepens his tongue sliding into my mouth forcefully. My hands both raise into his hair, grasping the ends rougher then I intend to but I sort of get caught up in the moment for second. Then I’m back in control, the urgency of his lips throwing me a little off my game a little. My hips slide closer to his bare torso and I feel his skin on mine, he likes it I can tell from the feeling of his erection growing beneath his pants. I keep this motion up, grinding against him until the sounds of his moans fill the room.   
“I told you I’d take care of you…” I whisper as I break away from him breathlessly, but the solider doesn’t pay attention or stop his kissing his lips trailing along the line of my jaw then down my neck. His touch is growing stronger, no longer that confused little puppy I’d met only minutes ago. His metal hand moves from my thigh to my waist, pulling my body even closer now and standing making sure my legs are wrapped around him so he can bring me down hard onto the cold floor. Soon I’m pressed between his solid body and the cold cement, his metal hand sliding up my thigh pushing my dress up so my underwear is exposed. For a guy who hadn’t got laid in awhile he was certainly falling back into it with ease. I clutch the sides of his hips, then move them further to his ass grasping tightly. His lips return to mine with such force I practically gasp out loud, slightly caught off guard.   
“Take off your underwear.” The soldier says plainly, no emotion whatsoever in his voice, and without hesitation I do as he asks. Following orders blindly like always. Once they’re removed his metal hand roams up my thigh even further, his lips still on mine and I’m ready for more. I am not enjoying myself, this is just another mission, but I won’t deny that the pleasure I’m feeling is real as he slides a metal finger inside of me working my body roughly as he then moves in another. They pump in and out with such a ferocity that I cannot catch my breath, that metal hand is controlling everything now and I’m putty literally in his hands. Part of me is pissed off though, I’m supposed to be in control of this situation but I can’t push him off, that would defeat the purpose of this whole thing.  
Trying not to focus on the pleasure that’s building inside of me I reach for the buckle on the soldiers belt removing that as quickly as I can. I undo the zipper and button, reaching my hand inside and soon I have him in my hands. His lips quiver at my touch, and his fingers stop fucking me in that moment and I know I’ve got the upper hand once more.  
“Stop playing around and fuck me soldier.” I say stopping our kisses and glaring into his eyes intensely. He needs to know who’s in charge and this move sealed that deal. His eyes light up with rage, anger and pleasure all rolled into one as I slide his pants down a little further and move my hips up, adjusting my body so a moment later he’s able to enter me with ease. I can’t help myself as I let out a loud ragged gasp as my body adjusts to his size. My eyes are closed throughout this moment though, that way I can avoid his gaze, keep this all at a distance, but I feel the warmth of his breath on my neck as he begins to thrust himself deeper into me. The soldier starts off with slow steady movements but then his pace quickens and his hips slam into me. It’s a little rougher then I had anticipated and my head in colliding with the solid ground a lot more then I would like but it still feels really good. My hands claw at his muscular back as that orgasm begins to build once more, this time I don’t fight it though. I arch my back to get a better angle and the pleasure only increases.   
‘Fuck…” he moans into my ear, his brown locks covering my face, the smell of sweat and sex in the air. We both moan and curse under our breaths and that feeling soon begins to spread throughout my entire body as I bury my head in his shoulder, trying not to shout too loud when my toes curl and I fall into one of the best orgasms I’ve ever experienced. I’m breathless when his lips meet mine once more, his thrusting becoming more and more sporadic as he moans into my mouth falling apart in my arms not too long after. I’ve done it, I think to myself, I’ve tamed the winter solider.   
“I told you I’d take care of you soldier.” With a small laugh he pulls out of me and slides to the spot on the floor at my side. We’re both silent and out of breath but with a small grin and a sense of accomplishment I turn to my side, hand reaching out to rest on his chest. “Now I just need you to tell me what happened today…do you think you can do that for me?” Leaning forward I kiss him softly once more, our lips part and I soon receive a simple nod. Mission complete.  
After about an hour later I’ve finished up and my uncle gets what he needs from the soldier while I’m left with a debriefing. Sure it should seem slightly awkward to tell these strange men in detail of my account with the winter soldier but I’m not bothered slightly. One person in particular seems a little irked by it all, that man being Brock Rumlow.  
“So Charlie I was wondering if ya had any plans tonight?” I hear him shout after me while I’m making my way out of headquarters and onto the streets outside. It’s nice spring day in DC, but I’m not too interested in the weather. The only thing on my mind is that soldier, why though I’m not sure.   
“What? Huh?” I say snapping out of my daze when I turn around to meet his hopeful brown eyes.   
“Plans…tonight?” he says again and I take a second to register his words, my mind still slightly distracted.  
“Oh um…no I’m free.”  
“That’s great. Did you want to get a drink with me maybe?” It’s odd, in his street clothes Brock Rumlow seems almost sweet, shy even, but I am still less then interested in him that way. However lots of alcohol does sound appealing.  
“You know what a drink sounds great.” I answer plainly, no excitement in my tone but Brock simply light up at my repose like I just said yes to prom.  
“Oh that’s great. I know this bar downtown…okay it’s a total hole in the wall but you’ll love it.” He continues to speak excitedly about this so called date but the entire walk I’m thinking about the soldier wondering when my next mission would be and hoping it was sometime soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright now back to Charlie and where's she's at now...warning...it's no so great

Where am I? What day is it? Am I even alive? I keep asking myself these questions as I stare at the cement wall, one of four that have been holding me captive now for god knows how long. There was a lot of noise one day, explosions, lots of people running around just outside the door but no one paid any attention to me. In fact I think they forgot I was there for a while. Hell I wasn’t even sure if I was here anymore.   
“Pierce has been dead for a month. I mean what the hell are we supposed to do with her?” There are men outside of my room, they’re always there bickering back and forth talking about nonsense usually, but as of late their talks have grown more serious. If I hadn’t been tired and hungry and altogether out of it I’d pay closer attention think of ways to get the hell out of here but I can’t focus. My vision is blurry, my entire body feels like it could snap in half at any moment just from the lightest touch, so when the other men come at night for me I fight back to urge to scream in pain each time they throw themselves on me.   
Being a prisoner, tortured with knives and other sharp things is something I’d gotten used to at this point in life, but these strange men using my body for their own enjoyment had torn me in two. I was too weak to fight them off, although I did try at first, but they had weapons and I soon learned my struggle was useless.   
“Hydra is falling apart at the seams. What we need to do is leave her to fend for herself and get out of town…or just put the bitch out of her misery. I mean look at her she looks like an abused dog. It’s pathetic.” The men continue to bicker but I just tune them out eventually nodding off to sleep since there is nothing else I can do. Despite the cold hard floor I manage to get comfortable enough pulling my knees up to my chest as I lay in the corner of the empty room shivering until I pass out. My dreams are filled with sounds of pain, images of Bucky’s face as he hit me repeatedly, full of anger and as I’ve done for the last billion nights I wake up screaming.  
“Shh!” a voice says and though my eyes are still closed I know exactly who it is, his metal hand covering my mouth. “Charlie, you need to be quiet. I’m gonna get you out of here okay?” my eyes flutter open, trying to adjust to the light shining in from the open door as I see Bucky kneeling before me. “We have to go now.”  
“Bucky?” I ask in disbelief, a feeling of hope fading over me as a smile spreads on my beaten face.  
“Shhh…you’re gonna be alright. I’m going to take care of you Charlie.” He says as he leans down gently wrapping an arm underneath my shoulder doing his best not to hurt me as he lifts me from the ground.   
“I can't believe you're here…I’m so sorry Bucky…” I keep repeating myself as I bury my head into his firm chest, the tears pouring from my eyes as we make our way out of the cell and I do my best not to scream in pain. My entire body is covered in cuts and bruises and a few ribs are certainly broken, but it doesn’t matter though because Bucky came back for me. “I’m so sorry.”  
“It’s okay I forgive you.” He says as we turn a corner and I stay put, feeling his arms wrapped around me and for once I actually feel safe. I think it’s all going to be okay once we get out of here. That’s the problem though, it seems like we keep walking in circles running into dead end after dead end. “What the hell…” Bucky whispers as we turn a corner and when I look up, I realize what room we've turned into. My eyes glance around the old bank vault as I feel my stomach drop. “I’m sorry Charlie. I have no choice.” After he speaks Bucky helps me down to my feet and leaves me standing there alone as he moves towards the chair in the center of the room.  
“Bucky what’re you doing?” I can’t hide the panic in my voice as two men appear behind him, strapping him up to the machine.  
“I can’t save you Charlie. I won’t save you.” He says and I watch as the men stick a bite guard into his mouth. It’s then do I understand what is happening, they’re wiping his mind.   
“No…no…don’t do that. Stop!” I try to move towards them with all the strength I have but I stumble and fall to the hard floor. I try to get up but someone’s foot lands on my back keeping me put.  
“Oh Charlotte your father would be so disappointed.” My uncle states plainly and through my tears I watch as the men hook Bucky up to the machine tightly, leaning him back so they can begin their mind wipe. “Listen to his screams my dear, they’re your fault. They’re your screams.” The machine is ready to go and with the press of a button Bucky is shouting in pain, his entire body tensing up and I close my eyes not able to look any further.   
“It’s my fault…” I whisper to myself over and over until I’m shouting too, trying to block out the sounds of agony coming from Bucky across the room. “It’s my fault!” I yell one last time then my eyes bolt open.  
“Hey keep it down in there!” I look around assessing my surroundings. I’m not in the bank vault, no I’m still in that room, alone and cold. Bucky didn’t come for me, he never does, yet my mind keeps clinging onto that hope that he’ll save me from this hell. I know it’s useless though. This is what I deserve, to spend the rest of my life here in this cell until I wither away becoming nothing but a distant, sad ghost of the person I used to be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty it's time for Bucky:-)

Bucky’s POV

For the third night in a row Bucky woke up shouting and throwing his entire body off the small bed he’d been crashing on for the last two months. Sweat lines his forehead as he as he pushes up off the hardwood floor and braces himself for the slew of questions his friend will have for him, first being if he is alright.  
“Yes Steve…I’m okay.” Bucky says as he slides back onto the bed and Steve busts through the door.   
“Sorry, I just heard and…” Steve stops midsentence sensing that Bucky doesn’t want to discuss it any further. It was a big enough deal that he’d found him in the first place, he didn’t want to scare his friend away by being too pushy. “You’re alright. Good, I’ll see you in the morning.” Steve turns to leave and Bucky feels a wave of guilt wash over him. He knows Steve just wants to help, and he’s been sort of an ass up till now.   
“Steve I’m sorry.” Bucky sighs reaching across his chest and clinging to his metal arm. “I don’t like to talk about this stuff alright? You’re just going to have to accept that.” Steve turns around and with a small smile nods understandingly.   
“Try to get some rest okay. Natasha called she said she had a lead on your girl, she’s going to be calling pretty early.” At this Bucky’s ears perk up and he knows now he’ll never going to be able to sleep.  
“Charlie?” He asks curiously, his voice full of hope and anxiety all at once.  
“Yeah, apparently Pierce wasn’t her last name, for certain purposes she took her moms which was Evans. Nat was able to find out some things that could help us find her.”   
“Find her?” Bucky thinks out loud and as he gazes off into the darkness of the bedroom he imagines the woman’s face, one he can see so clearly it almost pains him to think about it.  
“Yep, she says she’s got a pretty strong lead.” Bucky’s stomach begins to twist and turn as the memory of this woman becomes too much. Her blue eyes are staring at him expectantly, he supposed to recognize her, he should, but instead his anger takes over and his fist collides with her beautiful face repeatedly. It’s the one image he wishes Hydra would have wiped away for good. “That’s good news right?” Steve quietly walks towards his old friend and takes a seat beside him on the bed, when he doesn’t respond he gets the sense that this is another touchy subject. Bucky’s breathing becomes a little heavier as he thinks about the last time he’d seen Charlie, how badly he’s hurt her. Remembering things came with too much pain, to much guilt, it wasn’t easy.   
“It’s good news.” He states plainly and grows silent once more. Steve takes this as a hint that it’s time to leave so he gives up on having any type of real conversation with Bucky and stands from the bed and heads towards the door. “Steve…” Bucky says just before he’s gone and Steve turns back once more.  
“Yeah?” Bucky leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tries to calm himself down. He feels anxious again, he needs to relax, but it wasn’t always something he could control. Charlie did that that with ease though, talked him off the edge when he felt like his mind was going to explode. Bucky missed that.   
“What if she doesn’t want me to find her?” His voice is softer then he intends, in fact he almost sounds like a small child as he speaks, and the vulnerability drives Bucky nuts. She makes him weaker. In fact she is his only weakness and he can’t afford weaknesses. Not if he wants to take Hydra down for good, but there’s something that’s making him continue his search. He can’t stop until he finds her, he has to make sure she’s alright. “What if she’s hiding from me?” It was definitely a possibility and Bucky would not blame her. If those men hadn’t been in that room he probably would have killed her, and the idea of that made him sick on a daily basis.  
“Why wouldn’t she want that? You said she tried to help you escape right?” This was true, she had wanted to help, but he repaid her by beating her nearly unconscious.   
“It’s complicated. I…” his voice stammers as he tries to continue, seeing Charlie’s bloody face before him once more. “I hurt her though. She probably hates me and I wouldn’t blame her.”   
“Bucky you weren’t in your right mind when you… I’m sure she knows that. I mean look at what happened between the two of us…” Steve knew this was definitely not something he wanted to discuss but it was a valid point. “I know you though, it was Hydra not you…I’m sure she knows that too.” Bucky swallows hard and simply nods his head as he crawls back under his covers, still not accustomed to a warm place to sleep.  
“I guess we’ll find out.” With that Bucky closes his eyes hoping and praying that this lead works out. It’s been over a month and there’s been almost no sign of Charlie, the one who tried to help him, the only person that treated him like a human being. Bucky wasn’t dumb though he caught on pretty quick to what the purpose of her visits were, she was using him to gain the information he hadn’t wanted to give. He knew that if he told Pierce right away they’d just stick him back on ice until it was time for another mission, but then they chose a different route. That’s where she came in and soon Bucky found himself withholding information intentionally just so Charlie would have to come visit. It wasn’t just about the physical stuff though, no, she talked to him like he was a person. He could tell it had started as an act, she was pretending to give a damn, but after a few months their conversations grew longer and her interest became true. She’d never admit it of course, how could she, he was her mission, but the look in her eyes told him how she’d really felt. Words were never needed between the two of them.  
Then she’d tried to get him out of that hell, when all of his real memories had just begun to bubble back to the surface, after he’d seen Steve again for the first time in 70 years. He wanted answers but Alexander Pierce was dead set on not giving him a damn thing. Charlie wasn’t even aware of the situation that had occurred on the bridge that day, but she still knew something was off. After a year of being around Bucky she could sense these things, he didn’t even have to say much more then he knew the man he’d been trying to kill. Then she sprung into action, not even a full plan in mind, and though her efforts had been valiant they were useless. Almost immediately after Bucky ran for the door, three armed men came at him and less then an hour later his memories were gone once more.  
The thing was with this wipe, it didn’t completely take. He was aware of his mission, to kill Steve Rogers, but something had broken through that wall, something had made him stop hitting Steve on that helicarrier. After he’d pulled him from Potomac, it was as if nearly everything came rushing back at once. Day by day he was remembering every little detail from the last seventy years and it had almost driven him crazy. That image though, the one of Charlie’s calm, beautiful face flooded his memory, keeping him from completely toppling over the edge. That was when he knew he had to do everything he could to find her, so he searched for Steve. The only possible way was to do this was with help, and his old friend was glad to oblige.   
Every search so far had lead them nowhere and Bucky was growing more and more frustrated with each day that passed. The one thing that worried him most was that she’d never escaped that cell he’d last seen her in, that she was just forgotten about after Hydra fell or worse killed because her uncle was no longer there to keep that from happening. If this was the information Natasha had for them then Bucky wasn’t sure how he’d react, just the idea scaring the hell out him. It wasn’t something he could afford to think about, no he had to remain positive about one damn thing in his life and when given the choice in the matter he chose Charlie. Yep, he’d always choose her.

~~  
Five months ago  
“Go fish…” Bucky said as he glared across the table at Charlie, her blue eyes focused as she reached for another card.  
“Son of a bitch.” He laughs as she curses under her breath clearly not getting the card she hoped for. “Why are we playing this stupid game again?”  
“It was your idea.” Bucky can’t help but smile at the beautiful woman sitting across from him. It had been nearly a year since her visits began, and though the physical activity still occurred they had began to just hang out a lot more. It wasn’t something Bucky knew he needed, not until she started asking him things instead of throwing herself at him as soon as she’d entered the room. Sure he was enjoying the part too, a lot in fact, but this was even better. No one else spoke to him like this, they just gave orders and sent him to do their bidding. Time with Charlie was different, it was good.   
“Well remind me next time to choose a game I’m actually good at.” Next time, Bucky thought to himself, always glad there’s going to be a next time.  
“To be fair you haven’t been very good at most of the games we’ve played.” Charlie raised an eyebrow at Bucky’s newly found cockiness, a smile forming at the corners of her lips.   
“Solider I think you and I both know what I’m good at…and it’s not board games.” She jokes with a wink and Bucky laughs quietly. This is nice, he thinks to himself, wondering if this was what normal couple did, laughed and joked and played stupid games. They played in silence for a bit longer, Charlie still doing poorly and getting more frustrated by the minute. “Ya know what I think we’re done with this game now…” She says with an exasperated sigh as she reaches for the cards on the table, yanking the others from Bucky’s hands.  
“Whoa…I think somebody’s a sore loser.” He smiles to himself as she struts across the room in her unusually snug red dress. They always did this, made Charlie dress provocatively, in order to catch Bucky’s eye. At first it had been all he had noticed, her long legs, gorgeous curves and fit physique, but it was the other attributes he grown to appreciate even more in the months that followed. Specifically her eyes, a deep blue, that held more secrets that he was sure she’d even known. They were her giveaway though he’d learned. She had an incredible poker face that was for sure, but she held every single emotion she’d had in those eyes. He’d never tell her this though, how well he’d learned to read her, because it might scare her away and that was the last thing he’d wanted.   
“I’m not a sore loser. I just hate go fish.” She states plainly as she comes back to her seat, crossing her arms annoyed and eying Bucky with a smirk a moment later laughing at herself. “Okay fine…I don’t like losing. Are you happy?” He grins widely in return and does something a little impulsive, suddenly needing to be closer to her. With his metal hand, one she’d never grown to fear like most people, he reached out grabbing her by the chin and pulling her in for a small, soft kiss.   
“Now I’m happy.”   
“Well…” Charlie begins looking a little flustered which Bucky loved. Every so often he was able to throw her off her game, making her guard fall down completely and it was a nice feeling. He was able to see the real person behind the act her uncle had ordered her to portray. It wasn’t that Bucky was convinced her feelings were real for him, no he wasn’t that naïve, but he knew these walls she’d built to protect herself from this becoming anything but a mission were slowly crumbling and he could see her growing to actually care about him. “That was, um…unexpected.”   
“Was it?” he was toying with her now and he liked to see her squirm. It was so obvious from the moment she’d walked into that musty old bank vault that she was used to being in charge. He was her mission and like any good agent she was going to do what needed to be done to complete it. Bucky understood that completely, but spending this much time with one person was bound to backfire on Charlie and the rest of Hydra. He would take advantage of their time spent together, learn the ins and outs of this woman so he could stay ahead of the game the entire time. Obviously he didn’t expect to actually enjoy her company, but in his mind that wasn’t such a bad thing.   
The funny thing was Charlie seemed to enjoy Bucky’s teasing, to see him act like a real man again. After eyeing him across the table she stood up, and walked over to him taking a seat on his lap. His arm wrapped around her waist firmly as she gently stroked his cheek then quickly leaned down kissing him with more force then Bucky had expected only a moment later pulling her face away leaving both of the breathless.  
“So are you going to tell me what happened today?” Her voice is soft, barely above a whisper and sexy as hell, Bucky can’t help but notice. For a second he sort of gets lost in her touch as one hand slides onto the back of his head grasping firmly on his hair while the other rests on his thigh traveling below the belt with ease.  
“Ya know you don’t have to do this…” He says in an even quieter tone, knowing full well they’re being watched. There was no such thing as privacy for the Winter Soldier. “I’ll just tell you what happened.” Charlie pulls her face away, eyes lined with confusion as her head tilts slightly. Bucky can’t help but notice how cute she looks when she’s lost, the tables for once turned on her.   
“What?” Bucky lifts his metal hand and carefully strokes her cheek, knowing he has to be especially careful with that arm after seeing the bruises he’d left on her from the last time they’d been together. She doesn’t flinch away at his touch, only waits for his response.   
“I’ll tell you what happened…you don’t have to have sex with me…just your company is pleasure enough.” Her eyes widen at his reply, looking lost more then ever. Bucky can tell she’s not sure how to react to something like this, probably used to only being wanted for her body, but it didn’t have to be that way, he wanted her to know that. She was much more then just a pair of long legs and a nice rack. “Can I tell you something Charlie?” She gazes up at him, her blue eyes sparkling with curiosity as she nods. However just as he’s about to finish his sentence a loud knock comes at the door.  
“Hey you two…hurry up in there!” The voice is all too familiar, Agent Brock Rumlow, the one who’s got a thing for Charlie. Bucky picked up on his jealously the second they’d met, but he didn’t really care, there wasn’t any competition there.   
“’I’m sorry…I have to make it look like I’m using you or this won’t work.” Charlie leans into the soldier’s ear to whisper, making sure it’s only him who hears that. “Pretend not to cooperate, and then just fuck me like you always do okay? If they think it’s this easy I won’t be visiting anymore…they’ll put you back on cryo…so never cooperate and I’ll always show up.” Her voice is steady as she speaks, however she’s unable to hide the fact that she is caring about him. Bucky detects a hint of desperation in her voice as well, like she knows something he doesn’t, but he only nods and goes along with the plan pulling her close and kissing her strongly. He’ll follow her orders and do as she says. If Charlie says don’t cooperate then Bucky wouldn’t, as long as that meant she’d keep coming back then he wouldn’t listen to a damn thing Hydra asked of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep i needed something cute lol too much angst for me had to break it up a little bit hope ya like it! also i won't lie the whole past and present tense of writing gets really confusing so i apologize if i mess that up throughout all of this lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more from Bucky's point of view...enjoyyy

Current day

“So she’s exactly where I left her then?” Bucky asks through gritted teeth as Natasha speaks via Skype. Solemnly she nods her head and a hand suddenly appears on his shoulder, it’s Steve, he wants to comfort his friend, but there’s no point. Bucky stands from his seat on the couch, the comfortable one, one he’s been enjoying while Charlie was stuck in a concrete cell and had been for over a month. “Is she still alive?”  
“As far as we can tell yes. The guards still feed her on a regular basis, but who knows what kind of condition she’s in. The men that are underground with her are heartless, cold…she’s been left to fend for herself so I doubt she’s doing great.” Natasha’s voice is stern and distant as she speaks but a hint of compassion breaks through when she sees the look on Bucky’s face. This man was already broken himself, this was the last type of news he’d needed to hear. “Look Barnes, I’ve seen her file. She’s tough, I’m sure she’s going to be alright.” His uncertainly still lingers but the widow makes a valid point. Charlie was brave as hell and he’d known she’d already gone through a lot. If she was alive he had a feeling she’d make it out of this okay. It would be a long process he knew because he was still going through some pretty bad stuff himself, but he would help her, they’d help each other.   
“Alright so what’s the plan, Nat?” Steve pipes up sensing his friend’s anxious behavior, watching Bucky pace back and forth in front of the window on the other side of the room. Steve knows they have to find Charlie soon before he completely loses it.  
“Well Stark has a man who can get us inside the base, I will meet you guys just outside of town in the morning and we’ll take it from there. Don’t worry soldier.” Natasha says making sure Bucky can hear what she’s saying, he stops pacing a moment to look in her direction. “We’re gonna get your girl back.” With that Natasha clicks off the webcam leaving Bucky and Steve alone in silence. Bucky doesn’t know what to do with this news.  
“She’s alive Buck…that’s good.” Steve speaks up wanting to reassure his friend. He’s not sure if his words will make a difference but he has to try. He’d heard him all night tossing and turning, shouting in pain and fighting whatever demons that were fighting in his mind. Bucky was always trying to cheer him up when they were kids, taking care of him when he was sick, talking him up to girls and getting him out of all the fights he’d picked even though he’d known he was outmatched. No one looked out for him the way Bucky did, so now it was Steve’s turn. If that meant being positive in a situation like this then that’s what he’d do. “We’re going to get her back, you’re going to see her again and everything is going to work out. This is good news.”  
“Is it?” Bucky snaps, the anger slowly building inside of him as he thinks of what might have become of Charlie.   
“Yes it is. I know it might not seem like it, but things can be okay again Buck…”  
“Steve you need to stop.” Bucky’s patience with his friends never ending positivity was wearing thin. He understood he wanted to help but sometimes things aren’t always sunshine and freaking rainbows, something they just suck. “You’re trying to help that’s fine, I get it, but you weren’t there…you don’t know what these people are capable of.” Images of these men, the ones that used to perform the mind wipes, the ones who beat him senseless until he cooperated filled Bucky’s mind. “She’s been stuck down there with people who have zero concern for her as a human being…she’s an object to these men. They don’t give a damn what they do to her or how badly they hurt her. They’ll break her the way they broke me…” His words get stuck in his throat as he imagines Charlie becoming anything close to the man he’d turned into after decades of being experimented on and controlled by Hydra. “There’s no use in expecting the best because when it comes to these people you always get the worst.”  
Steve looks at his friend, trying to find any sense of that man he used to be, the one who was so excited to take a couple of girls dancing or the one who he used to make pillow forts with when they were kids, but he wasn’t there. No, before him stood a person who’d seen and done a lot of bad things, and he didn’t know how to repent. He could tell Bucky desperately wanted to be that guy he used to be, but too much had happened. It wasn’t stuff he could just go back from either, it was bad, and though he wanted to desperately, Steve couldn’t fix that for him.  
“I know the negative outweighs the positive, but Bucky sometimes there’s nothing wrong with a little hope.” With that Steve walks to his friend and pats him reassuringly on the back. Bucky looks up, his eyes narrowed on the Captain, and he wonders if that’s true or not. “I’m gonna give Sam a call and fill him in. I’ll be in my room if ya need anything.” Steve heads down the hallway and soon his door is shut. Bucky sighs thinking again of what Charlie could be doing at this very moment, praying to god she was safe and okay, yet having trouble believing she was any of those things. There had been one man in particular who had been rather aggressive with the winter soldier, a man who had a strange affinity for knives and the way skin looked after it was seared with a blow torch. The idea of him getting anywhere near Charlie made Bucky ache with rage and fear. They were going to find Charlie, he had no doubt, but would she be the same woman who cared for him? Would there be anything left of the beautiful person she used to be?

Three months ago….a week before the man on the bridge

Hit after hit came crashing down on Bucky’s face, and he took it like he always did. This wasn’t the first time the winter soldier had been punished and it wouldn’t be the last. He’d disobeyed orders, didn’t do as he was told, and he’d been strapped to this chair for nearly an hour now taking a pretty bad beating. He sucked it up though, it wasn’t Bucky’s first time having the crap kicked out of him. There was something different about this though as opposed to being on a mission. It wasn’t just that Bucky was able to fight back out in the field but Hydra’s way of discipline made him feel like less of a person and more like a caged animal. Like a dog who didn’t obey his master.  
He took it though and never complained because he knew if he did complain then they’d get fed up and put him back on ice, that was the last thing he wanted, so he had to avoid it at all cost.  
“What the hell is this sergeant? What are you doing?” A stern voice comes from behind them and Bucky knows who it is right away. The man stops hitting him and turns to face the door.  
“I was told to punish him mam. I’m only doing my job.” The man speaks as Bucky struggles to hold his head upwards, but he’s okay. Charlie’s here now.   
“I’m supposed to take care of the solider not you. How am I supposed to take care of him if you beat him half to death?” Charlie pushes the man out of the way and rushes to Bucky’s side, titling his face carefully examining to the wounds, her stomach dropping when she sees how bad they are, even worse then the first day they’d met.   
“Mam, I was only doing what I was told.”  
“Well I’m telling you to get the hell out of here before I kick the shit out of you okay?” She can’t hide the anger in her voice as she turns to face the man who’d hurt Bucky so badly. “And it’s agent by the way…now leave and send in some medical supplies you stupid son of a bitch.” The man doesn’t hesitate any longer before turning and leaving Bucky alone with Charlie. “Hey, solider…hey are you alright?” Bucky forces a smile, but his face is so swollen and sore it’s barely visible.  
“I’ve been better…” Charlie’s laughs at his response though he can see in those eyes that she’s actually a little terrified most likely by his appearance. “I’m gonna be fine. I’ll heal…I always do. I’m too important for them to mess me up too badly.” He watches as her eyes narrow on him, concern clear as day on her face, and he knows it’s real this time. Her feelings had been showing for quite some time now, and he wasn’t even sure if she knew that. Charlie looks around a moment after seeing that some blood was beginning to drip in Bucky’s eye. There were no towels or anything to wipe it away so she had to improvise. Quickly she stood and grabbing the lower layer of her white dress, now partially stained with his blood, she ripped the fabric off and used it to dab at his face. He watched as she did this so carefully so as not to hurt him, he didn’t flinch at her touch though, no he trusted her hands on him. “Why are you doing this? It’s not your job to clean me up.”  
“Well I’ve seen the people who are in charge and I get the feeling they’re not going to be quite as gentle with you.” Her eyes are focused on getting the blood off, avoiding his gaze, and Bucky knows she has a point. The last time this had happened they simply dumped a bucket of water over his head until all the blood was gone and then stitched him up with a rougher hand then he would have preferred. Charlie however was so careful you’d think she was handling someone made of glass. It was still something Bucky hadn’t grown accustomed to and he wasn’t sure that he ever would, someone not wanting to hurt him. Hell he didn’t know if he even deserved it, he was still the winter solider and the winter soldier had done some horrible things. That was his job though, the only thing he’d known and he wasn’t sure there was any option. “Plus I said I’d take care of you didn’t I?” Bucky looks up at her through his swollen eyes, and he wishes in that moment that he could express his gratitude, but he was at a loss for words. Charlie only smiled at him, a real genuine grin, then brushed his bruised cheek lightly before kissing him softly on the lips and it was then Bucky knew he did deserve more. Even after everything he’d done as the soldier, Charlie made him believe he could be better. Maybe he even wanted that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's catch up with Charlie shall we?

It's been awhile since anyone had bothered with me, well anyone real at least. People I've known, alive or dead, have visited me on several occasions though. Especially my dad. He's not happy with my actions. He's angry that I chose Bucky over hydra and their cause, the one he's hammered into my head since I was a kid. I wasn't supposed to defy my uncle. I was supposed to do as I was told as I always had, but I went against everything I was taught just to help Bucky.  
"Was it worth it?" My dad says as he stares at me lying on the floor in the same corner id been in for god knows how long. I breath in deeply, gritting my teeth in pain from the injured ribs, and close my eyes trying to drown out his voice. "Charlotte tell me damn it! Was it worth it?!" His voice is loud and angry but I don't want to listen. I need to shake him out of my head and bring back Bucky. He was the only one who spoke to me with any sense of kindness, the only one left who cared and I didn't even know if he was even alive at this point.  
"You're not real....you're not real...you're not real..." I keep repeating this, and my eyes remain closed as I try not to listen to his insults and furious rant. He gets angry sometimes, always had when I was a kid, but now it's worse. I'm breaking I know I am, but I can't get rid of the hallucinations. I've tried.  
"You're an idiot Charlotte. You risked it all for a guy who didn't even come to save you. He left you here for dead and I don't blame him. You're not the type of girl you come back for." My dad goes on and on digging into my deepest insecurities and had I not been starving, exhausted and in a constant state of pain I would have even able to shake his words off, but they were sinking in with a real force. Everything he said was right, but I couldn't listen to it anymore.  
"Shut up..." I start but he keeps going.  
"You're worthless, no one cares what happens to you...I didn't...your mother didn't give a damn either, that's why she took all those pills....and this guy is no different Charlotte...he will leave you here and won't even shed a tear once you're dead and gone.."  
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I scream over and over again squeezing my eyes shut tighter and covering my ears until he stops speaking. The room goes quiet. In fact the silence is almost deafening. Slowly I open my eyes and see that once again I'm alone. I'm completely and totally by myself, suddenly wishing the vision of my dad would reappear so at least I has some someone to speak to even if it was all in my head.  
"Bucky?" I whisper, hoping he'd show up, praying he'd sweep in and act like he's going to rescue me or tell me that he wants to, he just can't find me. "Bucky please..." Struggling I push myself up into a seated position and prop my body against the wall. It hurts like hell to move but I try anyway. Maybe if I can just make it to the door no one will be there to stop me. I can save myself. It hurts so much though that every time I try to stand I end up falling back to the floor in pain. "You can do this." I hear a voice whisper, but I don't recognize it right away. "You can do it honey. You're better then this...you're better then them..." In the far corner of the room, in the shadows I see a figure appear and with her soft words of kindness I know exactly who it is.  
"Mom..." My words catch in my throat as I speak, mouth dry and voice hoarse. I sound so weak, like a small child, and I hate it.  
"You need to get out of here my sweet Charlie...I know it's hard and it hurts like hell...but you have to fight. You've always been a fighter sweetheart...don't let them take that from you." She stays in the shadows, so I can't see her face clearly but I know it's her.  
"Mom..." I start shaking my head, the tears quickly forming in my eyes. "I can't. It's too hard...I can't do it alone...I hate it so bad...I don't want to be rescued...I should be enough...I've always been enough damn it..." I can't help myself I break down, burying my head in my hands as I cry harder with each passing second.  
"You are enough honey. You've always been enough and don't forget that." I start to reply but when I open my eyes I realize the corner where she stood is now empty.  
"Mom...no...no..." I was alone again, but this time it hit me harder then before. I was all by myself and no one was coming to save me. "I have to do this...I'm enough." I say out loud, my breathing heavy now as I try to get my shit together. With one long exhale I brace myself to stand, putting both hands on the floor and pushing upwards. The pain is so excruciating I have to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the scream that tried to escape. If anyone had been on the other side of the door they couldn't know that I was coming. It had to be a surprise or this was all pointless. Clutching my side for dear life I limped slowly to the door, lightheaded from the change of altitude, but I pushed on. I can do this, I tell myself repeatedly.   
“You’re almost there.” I’m not alone again, this time it’s Bucky and he’s standing behind me. I don’t turn around though, I don’t need to, instead I keep moving towards the door of the cell. “That’s it Charlie…you’re almost there.” He continues to whisper words of encouragement as I near the padded door and I fight through the pain, breathing in and out in ragged breaths, but knowing I can’t stop or I’ll fall to the floor and never be able to get this close again. Soon I reach the door and grab the knob quickly turning to see if it’s locked or not. Much to my surprise it turns with ease and I open it slowly, bracing myself for whatever is on the other side. I steady myself, ready to fight whoever is there with everything I have, if it’s going to all end now there’s no way in hell I’m going down without a fight.   
As carefully as I can I pull the door in my direction, peaking my head through to see if those two men were standing there. It had been awhile since I’d heard them bicker about their fantasy football league, but then again I’d been so stuck in my own head I may have just completely ignored them, too caught up in the voices in my own mind. When I look however there seems to be no one there, the coast is clear, so I know I need to make a move and as quickly as possible. I have zero idea where I am and who could be lurking around the corners, so I just have to make a run for it. Still holding onto my side I head out and begin to pick up my pace as I move through the dimly lit hallways. This place looks like any other normal Hydra base, and if I’m right it’s the same one with that damn bank vault. I know my way out.  
Using the wall to lean on when I need support I move as fast as I can around each corner, making sure I’m quiet and careful enough as to not attract any attention to myself. I pause a moment when reaching the end of one of the halls, having a feeling the exit is just around the corner so I slowly move to see if anyone is there. Again the coast is clear and I see a simple metal door with the usual retinal and finger print scanner, one that let’s me know that I’m exactly where I need to be.   
“Oh thank god…” I say grasping the side of the wall, the strange feeling of hope engulfing me. I am going to make it out of here aren’t I? There was no way this could possibly happen right? This has to be another dream or hallucination. I know can’t hesitate any longer though, I need to move. This is my only damn chance. Quickly I move towards the door, praying that it still accepts my scans. Once I reach the door I throw my hand up and dial the codes I can remember, my side aching and throbbing in pain, but the adrenaline is pumping through me now. I’m going to get out. My finger prints are recognized and there’s no sign of trouble, now I open my eyes wide and that scan is accepted as well.  
“Evans, Charlotte. Agent 14. Accepted.” The voice says and this huge wave of relief washes over me as the door slides open a moment later. I expect to see the stairs, the ones that lead to the red door which will take me to the bank above. Yes this is what I should see, but I don’t and my stomach drops as I fall to my knees on the hard cement, my body in numb from the shock as I watch the room of men turn towards me.  
“Well if it isn’t everyone’s favorite plaything.” The man in a lab coat grins sadistically as the ones behind him stop what they’re doing to smile as well. “You’re just in time to watch…who knows maybe you can go next. I do love a new test subject.” He says in a thick Russian accent as he holds a small knife in the air examining it closely. On the other side of the room I spot another prisoner, he’s strapped down to a metal table, gagged and struggling, screaming in pain for me to help him “Grab her please gentlemen. I want to see how my new knife works on her deliciously soft skin. You did say she had soft skin did you not, Richard?” One of the men on the doctor’s left removes his mask and I recognize him immediately, my stomach turning at the memory of his hands on me. I want to get up and slit his throat, but I can’t move from my spot on the floor frozen in fear.  
“Oh yes, very soft and sweet. Aren’t you Charlie my dear?” The man walks in my direction and I hunch over, breathing heavily knowing a fight was useless.  
“Charlie you need to get up! Fight Charlie! You can do this!” I hear Bucky shout from behind me, but I can’t follow his orders. I can’t do this, my white flag has gone up and I’ve accepted my fate as the man lifts me from the floor roughly. I scream in pain as my ribs ache more then they ever have before. For the loud noise I make I receive a hard hit to the face and he pulls me closely now, holding my broken body in his arms tightly so I can’t fight anymore, and I don’t. I’ve given up, they’ve won and as I’m strapped down to one of the tables I watch as the door closes behind me. The door that was supposed to be my escape, but it wasn’t, no instead I’ve been brought here to this hell and at this point I think I’d be okay if I didn’t survive. In fact I think I’d prefer to just be put out of my damn misery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it's not great...i promise though things won't be this bleak forever my dears:-)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty don't worry kiddos we are getting to the rescue soon and btw i'm so glad people like this!! thank you for reading and let me know what ya think cuz i love hearing you're invested just as much as i am lol

Bucky paced back and forth nervously in the parking lot as he, Steve and Sam waited for Natasha and Clint. He knew it wouldn’t be long now before he’d be back inside one of Hydra’s bases, one he’d probably been in and he was sort of freaking out. Sure he wasn’t going to admit that out loud, but those places only brought pain for him. It was the memories, the ones he had and the ones that had been stolen, flashing through his mind as he imagined that room where they’d store him until he’d been needed for another mission. He wasn’t sure how he’d react once inside the base, what it could trigger inside of himself. God knows these guys didn’t need him reverting into the raging lunatic he’d been the days following the events in DC on that helicarrier. He was unstable and only able to bring himself back when he finally remembered Charlie.  
“Where the hell are they?” Bucky finally asked impatiently and just as Steve was about to answer his friend, tell him to calm down, he needed to have a clear head if they were going to get through this without any problems, he was cut off.  
“Sorry we’re late. This one needed his coffee apparently.” Natasha said pulling up in her car, Clint Barton shotgun, the two former SHIELD agents stepping out and greeting the rest of them.  
“What? I need my caffeine if I’m going to be kicking anyone’s ass today alright.” Clink smirked as he drank his coffee down waiting for Natasha to continue but his nonchalance caught Bucky’s attention and got under his skin immediately.   
“Do you think this is some kind of joke?” Bucky snapped, stepping close enough to Clint to smack the cup from his hand.   
“Bucky…hey man, calm down…” Steve interrupted seeing that this was going to escalate quickly if he didn’t intervene.   
“Alright the solider means business. I can respect that.” Clint says coolly much to Steve’s relief. “I didn’t mean to piss you off man, but I had a long night alright. We’re not all super soldiers ya know.” Bucky continues to stare Clint down, his temper rising by the second, wanting to hit him square in the face simply to take out his frustrations at this point.   
“Look Buck you gotta get it together alright. If you’re head isn’t in the game you’re going to be a liability and we can’t take you with us.” Steve places a hand on his friends chest, easing him away from Clint.   
“I’m going with you.” Bucky states plainly because there’s no other option. He has to be the one to find Charlie.   
“Then you need to get yourself together alright?” Bucky takes a deep breath, trying to just imagine seeing Charlie again, knowing he has to focus in order to complete this mission. He’ll be useless if he can’t concentrate on the task at hand and he knows it.  
“Fine. What’s your plan?” He asks and they all gather around Natasha listening to how the man Stark knows is the guard above ground, he can get them inside and he knows exactly which room Charlie will be in. Sam and Clint are going to keep a lookout and since Bucky has been inside the base before he’ll be going with Steve and Natasha below ground till they get to the doctor’s room, as Stark’s man had called it. “Wait…the doctors room?” With those words Bucky’s fear begins to take over as he recalled what went on in that room.  
“Yeah that’s what they said. She was moved there a few days ago.” Natasha responded calmly, but Bucky’s stomach dropped. The man was far from a doctor, in fact he wasn’t in the business of healing so much as he enjoyed the art of torture.   
“We need to go…now.” Bucky snapped and headed for the car. Everyone else stood around in confusion, but Steve nodded and motioned for them to follow. Soon they were on the move and Bucky had to do everything he could not to imagine what was happening to Charlie at that moment. The doctor was a disgusting human being and the idea of him doing anything to her made his whole body ache with anger and rage. The car ride into town had been sheer torture as memory after memory came back to him and the time he’d spent with the doctor. He had been the way Hydra had once controlled Bucky before they chose Charlie instead. She was sweet and kind while the doctor was violent and enjoyed peeling the skin off of your body just to hear the sounds you’d make as he worked.   
“Hey Buck, you alright?” Steve whispered to his friend when he’d noticed he hadn’t said a word since their ride had begun. He’d seen how the soldier’s demeanor had changed when this doctor was mentioned and though Steve knew Bucky probably wouldn’t want to discuss it he had to at least try. Bucky stopped staring out the window at the empty road when his thoughts were interrupted and in all honesty he was a little glad they had been. All he could imagine was Charlie being hurt repeatedly, the sound of her pain echoing in his mind from the time he had been the person to cause it.   
“No.” Bucky stated plainly and Steve had to stop himself from letting the surprise register on his face. This was the first time Bucky had answered truthfully and though it’s what he had wanted all along, Steve wasn’t so sure how to react.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” This felt like the right response but he knew Bucky probably wouldn’t, though he was just happy he had told the truth for once. Bucky glanced at the Captain again, thinking about what he should say in return. He didn’t know why he’d answered that way in the first place but pouring out his feelings to this man, the one who was supposed to be his best friend, just didn’t feel right, not yet. The only person he knew how to hold a conversation with was Charlie, she was all he’d really known at this point and though memories came back almost instantly after that day in DC they still didn’t feel real to him. It’s like that was a different guy, Bucky Barnes, it was him but it wasn’t at the same time. He just didn’t have the heart to tell Steve these things that he still basically felt like a stranger to Bucky but maybe it was just going to take some time.   
“Steve, I just want to find Charlie.” He says sighing and shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Steve’s nodded at his response though he could sense there was a lot more he was keeping inside but that was that, no more discussion.   
“We’re gonna find her I promise.” Steve said quietly and then went back to going over the details with everyone else. Bucky went back to his own thoughts, trying to remember the good ones, the times he’d actually been sort of happy. They were far and few between but they were there and that’s what he had to focus on to get through today.   
~~  
Two months after Charlie’s first “mission”

Bucky watched as Charlie slowly stepped back into her tiny little dress, zero self doubt in her features as she smiled playfully at him.  
“What?” She asked curiously, studying the expression on his face but he didn’t respond only laughed quietly. She’s beautiful, he thought to himself, not wanting to say it out loud because Charlie already knews. It’s a fact, but he wonders if she really believed it was true. Sure she has confidence in herself and her body, certainly knew how to use it, but he gets the sense that it’s just that. She only thought of this beauty as an asset, something she can use in her favor when she’s on a mission. “Okay soldier you’re looking at me funny, what’s up?” Bucky’s brow furrowed at her question and he avoided her gaze a moment feeling a little embarrassed for having these thoughts about a woman he knew was only using him to gain information. “Are you blushing?” She asked teasingly as she threw her hair into a ponytail then took a seat beside Bucky on the cement floor of the vault.  
“I don’t blush.” Bucky huffs, not wanting Charlie to know she’s gotten the better of him. She gazed at him a moment and just laughed shaking her head. “Well aren’t you going to ask me about the mission?” He questioned her knowing that’s the only reason she’d been there in the first place. Though he didn’t mind the physical contact one bit, the idea of being used was starting to get to him. It was just another way Hydra had been using him and he was sick of it. Not like Charlie gave a damn, so sure he’d sleep with her, it was a nice release, but he kept their conversations short and to the point. There was no use in getting to know this woman when he knew she didn’t give a damn about him.  
“Yeah we can talk about that if ya want…” He looked at her when he realized her tone is a bit different then usual. She’s not putting on the act like earlier when she’d come into the room, it’s like she sort of doesn’t give a crap about keeping up the charade right now. “Or we can talk about something else?” Charlie turned and held Bucky’s gaze for a moment, a small smile on her face, before he turned away confused by her suddenly taking interest in anything other then the mission at hand.  
“Something else?” Bucky’s eyebrows rise at the question not really sure where he’s supposed to go from there. Conversation hadn’t really been his strong suit. He wasn’t used to talking, he was used to killing. That’s it, so the idea of having to speak about anything other then his latest mission didn’t really sit too well with him.   
“Sure, I mean okay obviously we can’t have a normal conversation. I have almost as lame of a social life as you, no offense.”  
“None taken.” Bucky interrupted with a smirk, interested in seeing where she was going with this. He wasn’t a chatty kind of person, but he got the sense she wasn’t either so this might be a little bit of a struggle for them.  
“Alright…so…” The silence between them grew a little awkward for a minute and Bucky gets a weird feeling, nerves maybe? No that doesn’t make sense, he thinks, I don’t get nervous. “What’s your favorite color?” Charlie asked, the first question that popped into her head. Bucky immediately looked back up at her, confusion written all over his face, but Charlie just smiles and waits for an answer. “Ok…it’s been a long time since I’ve tried to make small talk...”   
“Clearly…” Bucky bites back and Charlie’s laughs, impressed at his new found ability to be a sarcastic ass. “Favorite color huh?”  
“Yep…mine is red.” She grinned pointing to the red star on Bucky’s metal arm, he flinched a moment at her touch but then loosened up a second later knowing she wasn’t going to hurt him. He wasn’t used to people treating that thing with such carelessness, like it was just a regular arm and not a killing machine. “Sorry…” Charlie said quietly looking away, now it seemed like she was nervous. Bucky turned to watch her as she looked down at her own hands, fiddling with them uncomfortably and he tries to get a read on her, wondering if this is all part of the act too, but it appeared to be genuine. She’s trying to bond with him, but why he had no idea. It’s a little irritating for him, but if she’s trying then should he too? It’s a risky move on both of their behalves, but that doesn’t seem to bother Charlie, so why should it bother Bucky?  
“It’s blue.” He answered after a minute or so stuck in thought. It had been a very long time since he had to think of anything as simple as a color he’d enjoyed, and he wasn’t sure why he answered with blue but it felt like the right choice. Charlie stopped playing with her hands and glanced up at Bucky who was now grinning at the pleased look on her face. It was a strange thing but he was pretty sure this woman before him wasn’t the same one he’d been interacting with for the last few months, no this was the real Charlie.   
“Blue’s a good color…I like blue.” They sat in silence, both wearing the same sweet, nervous grins until Charlie chose another random question and they go back and forth for the next hour or so until she realized that Rumlow would be coming to get her shortly so Bucky quickly gave her the rundown of that days mission. “Alright, well…I’ll see you soon solider.” She said as Bucky reached a hand out, helping her to her feet.   
“See you soon Charlie.” With that she was out the door and Bucky was left feeling more alone then he had ever felt before. This was the first time he’d had an honest to god conversation in lord knows how long and though he’d been trained to not care about mundane things such as a person’s favorite movie or food, he now found himself wondering more and more about this woman. What other things did she like? Hell what other things did he like? These weren’t questions he’d ever been asked and he liked the simplicity of it all. It wasn’t just the physical intimacy he’d began to crave, just talking had been nice but he wasn’t so sure how to handle this newly found information about himself. It was unsettling that was for sure, yet his curiosity was getting the better of him and he hoped Charlie wanted to talk again the next time she visited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright mission save charlie is next...it might take awhile cuz i want it to be awesome but it's coming my lovelies


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's do this

OPERATION SAVE CHARLIE

It was about a three hour drive until they had reached the Hydra base that Charlie had been for nearly two and a half months and once they arrived they went over the plan one last time. Bucky however couldn’t concentrate on a damn thing Natasha had said because he knew Charlie was just on the other side of those doors, below ground a few feet and probably being horribly hurt as they all stood around talking logistics. He knew having a plan was the only way this would go well, but he was ready to get down there now and break whoever had done wrong by her. Whoever got in his way would be in a world of pain or dead in a matter of seconds. He would not second guess his moves, no, he was going to take out the people he needed to in order to get Charlie out of that hell hole.   
“Alright, Barnes, Rogers you’re with me…Barton, Wilson get our backs.” Natasha says as she rolls up the blue prints of the bases layout. “This place is like any other Hydra base, except it’s slightly abandoned now. There are guards but not many. The people that are left here are mainly this doctor and other former double agents, some scientists but they’re not really a threat.” Steve and Bucky nod as they listen to the information they’re given, Bucky finding it interesting to see how things had changed since Hydra had been exposed. It’s like they’d lost some of their power with agents deflecting or going into hiding, but he knew they’d be back and most likely with a powerful vengeance.   
The three of them round the corner to the back of the building while Clint and Sam go through the front. There is a metal black door in the loading dock area and they hop up there, Natasha leading the way and knocking two times loudly. Out of the corner of her eye she spots Bucky and notices how nervous he actually looks. Seeing a world class assassin this shaken up bothers her for some reason, so again she feels like she has to say something to the guy, make him feel better or something.  
“Barnes…she’s going to be fine. She has information they want right? She was Peirce’s niece there’s no way she’s not useful enough to keep alive.” Bucky listened as the widow spoke calmly and wondered why she kept saying this kind of stuff to him. Why did she care? He simply nodded at her words and braced himself for whatever he might find inside this base. A few moments later the doors automatic locks click and it slides to the left allowing the three of them, weapons raised, to enter the building. Stark’s man was inside the control room, so he’d be keeping in touch through the headset Natasha was wearing. “We’re in.” She says out loud in a hushed tone as they head into the dark, a set of stairs before them. “Moving down the stairs…another red door at the bottom.”  
Bucky stays at their rear, allowing Natasha and Steve to lead as he keeps an eye out for anyone who may attempt to come up from behind. Once they’re inside he’ll take the lead, and hopefully be able to remember exactly where he’s going. The blue prints helped some, but what he was more worried about was how he was going to handle being back in there again. Something might set him off and he could completely lose the ability to do what he’d come back here to do, rescue Charlie. Once they arrive at the red door Natasha whispers something and two seconds later the red door is opened. Almost immediately there is gun fire coming from both sides but the three of them work with ease as they take down the five guards that attempted to stop them.  
“Alright…” Natasha says breathlessly as she clears both sides of the hallways with Steve. “Any of this look familiar?” She asks Bucky who is now taking the guns and ammo from the men lying on the floor. He takes a second before looking up not really wanting to see this place again, but he has to focus and see what he can recognize. The walls are dark and made of concrete, nothing on them, no sign of which part of the base they’ve entered so finding out which way to go next isn’t going to be as simple as he would have preferred. Carefully he examines the hallway and rounds a corner, back against the wall making sure no ones waiting for him there. At the end of that hallway he spots another red door. This one doesn’t look any different then the one that they’d just entered except for the fact that there is a scanner for finger prints and the eyes, so that means that is a restricted zone. The doctor’s room was restricted of course, only the really important people allowed inside.   
“What’s around the other corner?” He whispers back to Steve who makes his way to the other end of the hall to check it out.   
“It’s a few more doors, then at the end of the hall something that looks like a cell, the door is made of bars…two guards are standing in front of it.” Steve says quietly as he makes his way back to where Natasha is standing watch. Bucky stops and thinks for a minute, trying to remember any little detail that could possibly help him choose the right path.   
“There’s a door over here, we’d need the codes but the door color tells me it’s a restricted area, which could be the right way but…” Bucky pauses midsentence getting frustrated because he’s of no use, he can’t recognize anything specific enough to point him the right direction. “I don’t know.” His voice is angry, he’s on edge and Steve can sense that. “I can’t remember anything damn it…” Bucky clenches his jaw and leans hard against the wall behind, closing his eyes trying to pull on those memories floating just below the surface. They were there he just couldn’t access them, something just getting in the way every time he tried. It was starting to get him, making him angrier by the second.   
“Buck…” Steve’s hand on his shoulder breaks him out of this trance, the Captains eyes unable to hide his concern for his friend. “We can split up, you and me will take the red door and Natasha can…”  
“No…you go with her. I’ll go there…widow tell your man to open the door when I give him the signal.” She nods but Steve looks hesitant, not wanting to leave Bucky alone. It wasn’t something he was used to though, having to comfort a person because they were worried about him, but he thought he’d try. “Go Rogers. I got this.” His tone isn’t comforting in any sense but Steve seems to accept his response.  
“Alright…we meet back up here okay?” Bucky nods to the two of them and soon after they head off in the opposite direction leaving him on his own. It’s time to get into Winter soldier mode and Bucky knows this, but the idea of slipping back into that role sort of scared him. That person he’d been, he was ruthless, killed without a second thought but so much had changed in the last two months. He wasn’t the same, but that part of him was still there just waiting to be tapped into and he knew now was the time to access this dark side. If it meant he could get Charlie away from these people he was willing to do whatever had to be done, that is what he told himself as he checked his weapons, his gun in hand and two others along with a pocket knife in his holster. It was time.  
Carefully he rounded the corner, prepared for any sort of attack that may come, but no one did. The coast was clear and when Bucky glared up at the security camera he nodded his head and braced for the red door to slide open. He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath and imagining what he might find on the other side. As long as Charlie was alive he would be okay. It didn’t matter how much they’d hurt her, no he’d do everything in his power to help her be alright again. She just needed to be there and be breathing.   
“Please be breathing.” He said out loud now and seconds later he heard the sound of the hydraulics sliding the door open. Bucky hadn’t really had any idea what he expected to see but he knew it was going to bad, but he also assumed Charlie would be there. She wasn’t.  
“My goodness, is that the winter solider? You’ve decided to return, how lovely, we’ve been expecting you.” The man in the labcoat, the doctor, stood before Bucky holding a syringe, preparing it for the man on the table on the other side of the room. Tests were being done, what kind? Bucky had no damn clue, but he didn’t care.   
“Where the hell is she?” He said through gritted teeth as he lunged towards the Doctor, but two men stopped him grabbing at both sides. Bucky managed to escape one but the other kneed him in the stomach, and then whacked him over the head with something hard.   
“Calm down soldier.” The doctor said approaching the now detained former assassin with caution. Bucky struggled with the men, a third needing to come and help. “You see we knew you’d come back for your girl…well I suppose she’s our girl as well now isn’t she gentlemen?” The doctor was smug, arrogant as the other men laughed and mumbled things to one another. “You see Soldier you’re dear Charlie has provided many of our men a great service and though I understand that you want her back. I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Bruce here has grown particularly fond of her haven’t you Bruce.” Bucky’s jaw clenches tighter, that rage slowly taking over, and he’s no longer able to control it. The winter solider needs to come back, he needs to break everyone of their necks. “Bruce come here, tell the solider about his lady.”  
A tall bearded man in the corner of the room struts confidently towards Bucky, who stops his struggle for a moment, calming down as if reaching a moment of clarity before absolutely snapping and listens to this man describe what he’s done to Charlie.  
“I’ve touched your woman on many occasions soldier…had my way with her, over and over again and when I was done I’d make her beg for me…” The man steps closer to Bucky and grabs the back of his head yanking his face closer. “And she begged soldier…for it to stop…but it didn’t stop. It never stopped…I’ve tasted her soldier and she tastes delicious…” It was the calm before the storm Bucky had been feeling and in that second with that man’s words, he broke. The fury engulfed his entire body at the idea of this disgusting man being anywhere near Charlie and in a matter of seconds Bucky regained his strength completely, the winter soldier snapping back into action.  
His left arm, the metal one, shoved off one man and with his free hand he reached for his gun in the side of his holster. After pushing off the other man on his right side he pointed the gun behind him, shooting that man below the chin, the back of his head blown right off. After pointing the gun in the direction of the ones who’d just been restraining him he pulled the trigger, taking them both down immediately. The only one left standing was the one who had just spoken about all of those horrible ways he’d violated Charlie. The doctor had run, Bucky didn’t care though, he was only focused on the tall bearded man, whose confidence had suddenly disappeared. Though he did put up a fight, it was pointless.  
Bucky charged at him, bringing his large body to the hard ground with a loud thud, knocking over some of the tables and medical equipment in the process. The man tried to fight him off but there was no use. Bucky didn’t reach for a weapon, instead he used the one that was attached to him, his left fist slamming into the man’s face over and over again until he was utterly unrecognizable. He knew the man was dead, his face bloody and deformed beneath his fist but Bucky couldn’t stop hitting him. All he could see was Charlie and he imagined the ways he’d hurt her and he just kept swinging. He was lost in the pure unadulterated rage that had taken over his entire body at the thought of this man touching Charlie and he wanted to make him pay. He had to pay, so he kept slamming his metal fist into his face until he felt bone snap beneath his fingers.   
“Bucky!” There was a voice behind him but he couldn’t stop himself. It was as if someone had completely taken over his body as he kept hitting this man, now dead in his hands. “Bucky stop! We found her Buck…we found Charlie!” At her name his head snapped around, fist falling limp at his side, and Steve was thrown off guard by his blood stained face. Bucky looked like a wild animal and when Steve had seen the man below his friend he had to try not to gasp in horror. It was his eyes though that threw Steve off the most, for a second it seemed like Bucky had disappeared. His stare had been vacant, until he heard him mention Charlie. “We found her.” Steve repeated, too afraid to move towards Bucky.  
“Is she alive?” He asked the Captain breathlessly, not fully aware of what had just happened. He was there for the entire thing but Bucky hadn’t been completely present. Steve nodded in response and immediately Bucky shot up from his position huddled over the now dead tall man. “Take me to her.” Steve didn’t ask any questions only did as Bucky said and turned to leave the room, ignoring the numerous dead bodies that lay on the floor around them. He didn’t want to admit it even to himself, but he was a little afraid to witness what Bucky had been capable of. Steve had to push those thoughts aside though, now was not the time or place.  
“Natasha and I got through the guards with no problem, but when we got into the vault…” Steve began but Bucky interrupted him immediately at those words.  
“The vault?” Bucky knew what happened in that vault and suddenly he knew he had to pick up his pace.   
“Yeah, there were men hooking her up to a machine…” Bucky couldn’t listen to the rest he had to get to Charlie immediately. He pushed Steve out of the way and moved even faster turning the corner quickly as he approached the cell doors that lead into the vault. His whole body felt heavy as he made his way back in that place that held so many horrible memories yet it was the place he’d gotten to be with Charlie. I have to find her, he kept telling himself, and he tried to ignore the overwhelming sense of fear that had begun to take him over. Did they wipe her mind too? That’s the only thing he could keep thinking. Was she going to even know who he was?   
Steve eventually caught up as Bucky began his slow walk inside that vault, his dread holding him back.   
“Barnes get over here and help me, she won’t listen…she’s out of it…” They hear Natasha shout from inside and Bucky tenses up. She’s erratic, he thinks and his stomach drops. Were her memories gone? “Barnes?” He had to shake the fear away and once again he moved quickly. Once he finally reached the inside of the vault, the wind is completely knocked out of him as he sees Charlie sitting in that same chair he’d been hooked up to only months ago. She is conscious, but struggling and her appearance sets Bucky’s entire body on fire. Her frame in much thinner then before, her hair a matted mess, eyes blood shot and the amount of cuts and bruises and scars that covered her whole body made Bucky sick to his stomach. “Barnes! Get over here…” He snaps out of his horrified daze long enough to listen and rush to their side, undoing the locks that had held Charlie down. She stops fighting though and looks up at Bucky in pure amazement and then a huge amount of sadness fills her blue eyes.  
“I told you I can’t do this Bucky…I’m sorry…I’m not strong enough…” Her voice is weak and hoarse as she speaks. Bucky immediately grabs her hand in takes it in his as she gently traces the outline of his face with her other shaking hand. “I know you’re not really coming back for me and that’s fine, I don’t blame you but I don’t want to remember this…I can’t do it anymore…” She begins to shake her head, her lip quivering as Bucky listens to what exactly she’s saying. Then it sinks in. “I don’t want to see you anymore…I can’t…it hurts too much…I’m sorry I’m not strong enough…” The tears begin to fall from her eyes now and Bucky’s heart drops.   
“Charlie…I’m here. It’s really me. I came back for you.” He says softly, his voice cracking as he speaks while Natasha and Steve look on in horror. They’d seen some pretty bad things happen to people, but never had either of them seen a person so broken. “I’m not a dream or a hallucination. I’m the real Bucky.” Charlie shakes her head again as if she’s refusing to believe the truth.  
“That’s what you always say.” Bucky has no idea how to handle this, he wants to break down and tell her how sorry he is, but she won’t even believe it’s really happening. “If you’re really here…” Charlie says after a minute, her breathing shallow and ragged as she sits up in the chair leaning forward to get a better look at him. Bucky can see from her face that she’s in a lot of pain and they need to get out of there, but this is important. He needs to know that there is hope, she can get better. “If you’re really my soldier….” Both of her hands stroke the sides of his face until she rests them below his chin, his eyes burning with tears now as a lump forms in his throat. “What’s your favorite color?” At the question Bucky’s stomach drops. It was something so simple and so long ago, yet she remembered that right now. He pauses a moment before looking into her broken blue eyes and smiles for a moment.  
“It’s blue.” He responds with confidence and with his answer the recognition flashes over her face, then relief mixed with pure exhaustion comes next.  
“It’s really you? You came back for me?” She asks quietly, her words getting caught in her throat as she speaks. Bucky nods immediately and with his human hand holds her bruised and swollen face, pulling it closer gently resting his forehead against hers.  
“I came back for you Charlie. I’ll always come back for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come... :-)


	11. Chapter 11

Pain flows through my body as I clutch the metal table and breath through gritted teeth. The knife is sharp and cold as it slides down my thigh, the men in the room laughing as they plan what to do with me next. I'm helpless, strapped down, not able to fight back even if I had wanted to.  
"So which one of you would like to play with our girl first?" I can't see the mans face but I hear him, his voice is dark, sinister. A rough hand travels travels up my shirt, and I flinch nervously looking away because I can't watch this anymore. My breathing is heavy as i squeeze my eyes shut. "Oh sweetheart don't do that, your supposed to see every minute of this....open your eyes..." I ignore him as i swallow hard, trying to push away any tears that threaten to fall from my eyes, not wanting them to know their winning. "I said open your eyes!" They bolt open at the sound of his booming voice but when they do I'm no longer strapped to this metal table, no I wake up shaking and scared shitless in a hospital room but I'm not alone.  
"Charlie?" Bucky says from the chair beside my bed, concern and worry written all over his face baring through his big blue eyes. "Hey are you alright?" With his metal hand he grabs mine but I pull back instinctively. "I'm sorry..." It was the first time id flinched around him, and I could tell by his face he was slightly hurt.   
"No...I am....I just had a bad dream..." With a deep sigh i let the calm settle over me. I was safe now. This was the real Bucky not the useless one of my imagination and no one was going to hurt me. It was hard to shake though I couldn't deny that. "I had a lot of those actually." I add reaching out taking his hand back and holding it tightly, a bad feeling brewing in my stomach as I try to block those memories from coming back.   
"I get those too...all the time..." Bucky's eyes avert mine and I can tell I'm not the only fucked up one in the room. I want to comfort him, tell him he will be okay just out of pure instinct to protect the soldier but I can't.   
"Well I guess we're both just a mess huh?" A hint of a smile plays on Bucky's face and I sigh just taking in his appearance in for a moment. He looks like he hasn't slept in ages, his face stubbly and hair still just as messy, like he just rolled out of bed. That sadness is still there though, in his blue eyes, and I know it probably won't go away no matter what I say or do. "Thank you for coming back for me...I thought I was going to be..." My voice gets caught in my throat as I try to finish my sentence. I was so sure I'd be down there forever, being hurt over and over again and the fact that I was free caused a mix of emotions in me. "Why did you come back though? I mean I help them hurt you Bucky...everything you said was right. It was my fault, I could have helped you sooner I could have done so much more..." The guilt was swallowing me whole as I look at his face, still sad and just as lost as ever. Damn it I was a part of that, I caused this man pain. "I hurt you." I swallow hard, remembering those times I'd lied, pretended to care for the soldier. It was wrong and making it right was far from possible at this point. "Why would you care whether I lived or died after you found out the truth?"  
Slowly Bucky releases my hand and my stomach drops. He's realizing I'm right and is going to leave me. I deserve it. He stands up from his seat and moves across the room, looking around stuck in thought maybe, because he doesn't say a word, avoiding my gaze as he does this. I wait though, wait for him to say something or just walk out the door, anything would be better then the anticipation of the two. However before he can speak there's a knock at the door.  
"Hey there, mind if I come in?" A short man in a white lab coat strolls in the room all smiles clearly unable to sense what he's just interrupted. "I'm glad to see you're awake Charlie. I'm Dr. Clark." He goes on and on about the medical stuff, stuff i'd known because I could feel it, three broken ribs, multiple fractures in the arms, legs and facial structure, a tremendous amount of blood loss but after a few transfusions I was going to be okay. I listened as he spoke, but could barely pay attention because Bucky was looking at me intensely the entire time. He stares at me with these odd expression though, one that made zero sense to me, care, compassion even. It was the way a person looked at a loved one when they were hurt, and it made me nauseous. He shouldn't look at me like that, I don't deserve his sympathy. "Well we want to keep you in here for a few days and make sure you're going to be okay, you're still very dehydrated and you have a pretty bad wound on your head so a concussion is likely." With this the doctor pulled out his stethoscope and leaned in to check my heart beat but as his hands neared me I panicked, seeing instead the man with the knife coming at me,and reacted quickly shoving my fist into his throat and knocking him to the floor. A wave anxiety washed over me and my heart began to pound in my chest, I couldn't breathe, all of those memories of pain and the sheer hell I'd been stuck in crashing in like the tide, over and over again until I felt like I was going to scream.  
"Charlie?" Bucky says my name but I can't stop, my throat feels like it's closing and it takes the touch of his hands on my face to fully snap me out it. "You're safe Charlie, you're safe." Gently Bucky strokes sides of my face and i focus on his eyes as he pulls me back from the edge.  
"Shit..." I try to fight back the tears but it's not easy. The doctor moves from the floor a moment later, and calmly speaks.  
"Ms Evans I'm sorry I didn't consider what you've gone through, I'll come back later okay? You just get some rest." The doctor then excuses himself leaving me alone with Bucky once more. He stays put, trying to talk me down but I look away because right now all I can see is another person I was responsible for hurting. He was trying to help me I know, but I wasn't worth his time or care. Gently i peel his hands away from me and place them on the bed.   
"Bucky thank you for coming back for me, but...." He looks up at me with this wounded expression and I feel my heart tear in two. "But I don't think you should be here, you should go back to the others. They can help you, I can't...I didn't..." He backs away from me as if he is prepared to put up a fight, but I stop him. "I'm grateful for what you did I am...but you should have left me down there. It's what I deserved." I gather my blankets closer feeling that hopelessness return, remembering everything I'd done or been a part of for the last half of my life, and turn onto my side closing my eyes tight trying to bring back my moms voice. I need her to tell me I'm good, say it's not a bad thing that I lived through this, but it doesn't work.  
"Charlie?" I hear Bucky say but I don't turn around, I can't. "You tried to save me, you thought I was worth it...from the things I've learned I'm definitely not but it doesn't mean I can't be again and i know you don't think much of yourself right now, but going back there to save you was the first decision I've made on my own in over 70 years and I'm damn sure it was the right one." His words echo through my mind as I try to comprehend why he would say such things, but I keep my eyes closed suddenly feeling whatever sedatives they had given me kick back in and start to drift off to sleep. The last thing I remember is wondering whether or not Bucky would be there when I woke up, scared to death he wouldn't be but even more afraid that he would.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okie dokie this ones pretty long but damn it i was on a roll:-) hope ya like

Bucky did not leave the hospital wing of Stark tower for nearly three days. He snuck in and out constantly checking on Charlie without making her aware of his presence. She didn’t want to see him and as much as Bucky ached inside each day that went by without speaking to her, he did as she asked. Guilt was a funny thing, because he felt the same way every single day after he’d found out who he really was. He wanted Charlie to know that he wasn’t angry for what she’d done because in fact he was far from perfect. They were both a mess but if she didn’t want to see him there wasn’t much he could do to change that.  
“What’s up dude, you look miserable.” Sam asked as he approached Bucky who was lost in thought staring through the glass window out at the streets of New York. He couldn’t shake this pit like feeling in his stomach, like he was hollow, empty almost.  
“I don’t really wanna talk about it.” Bucky snapped, not trying to be rude, but too many things were going through his mind in that moment and Wilson was not a person he knew how to speak to yet. He was just getting used to Steve. Sam backed off a little but didn’t respond, only stood beside Bucky looking out the window as well. It was strange but he didn’t mind that, the company, but he was itching to do something, get out of the place and get some air, clear his head. “I think I’m gonna go for a run.” Bucky said after a minute or so of silence and Sam nodded.  
“Ya know what that actually sounds like a good idea, mind if I tag along?” Bucky paused a moment at Sam’s question not really sure how to respond because in fact he kind of wanted to be alone, but then again what would it hurt? He doubted Sam could even keep up with him, so it’d be like he was alone anyway. Plus he had to try with these people. He owed them after they’d been so accepting and not tried to kill him the minute he’d found them two months ago.  
“That’s fine. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten.” After making his way to the room he’d been using for the last week, one even fancier then the last, Bucky changed into some sweats and a t-shirt Steve had lent him. He still wasn’t used to these sort of things, places like Stark tower made him uneasy because it was just too nice. He was much more content in the dumpy motels he’d found after DC, but he wasn’t going to complain. The bed however was way too soft, something he still couldn’t adjust to and he even ended up sleeping on the floor most nights. The adjustment period seemed like it was going to last forever but Steve had said it would be one step at a time. Bucky listened to him, because for some strange reason he trusted the guy. Despite this feeling of his friend still being a stranger to him, Bucky couldn’t help but believe Steve only had his best interests at heart. Why else would he have helped him get Charlie back? There had to be something there, something Bucky still felt was missing sure, but maybe that thing could eventually be found.  
After changing Bucky swung by the hospital wing one more time that day, just to see if Charlie was still alright before he left for a little while. Carefully as he could, making sure not to be seen, he took a peak inside her room only to see her sitting there, head leaned back on the pillow and face wearing a pained expression as she tried to swing her legs over the side of the bed. She was trying to get up and he could see how badly it was hurting her, and he had to fight every instinct he’d had not to go in and help Charlie. She wouldn’t want that though, she would get angry if he showed up without her consent and tried to rescue her again. Bucky didn’t want her to be mad at him, it was actually the last thing he wanted, but she looked like she was having such a hard time as she slid out of bed clutching her side tightly.  
A minute or so later Bucky turned back around, but just as he was about to head outside to meet Sam he heard a loud thud and Charlie shout several curse words that would make a nun blush. Without thinking he turned immediately back around and flew into her room. She was on the hard linoleum floor trying to bring herself back up but the tears on her face let Bucky know it hurt too much to do it on her own. Quickly he reached an arm out to help her to her feet, but she rejected him angrily.  
“No! Damn it I don’t need your help…I don’t need anyone’s help.” Her words came out in between sobs and Bucky stood before her for a moment trying to remember that strong girl he’d met over a year ago, and feeling devastated when realizing she was gone.  
“Look I know you don’t want my help Charlie, but if you try and do this you’re going to hurt yourself even more.” Bucky chimed in knowing how stubborn she could be, but needing to make sure she wasn’t going to cause herself anymore harm. After a moment Charlie looked up at him, utterly defeated and sighed loudly, brushing away some of her tears.  
“Fine.” She said surrendering and accepting Bucky’s help. He slid an arm under her and she gripped him tightly while holding her side with her other arm as he carefully led her back to the bed. Once she was in there safely Bucky gave her a quick smile before heading back towards the door. He didn’t expect a discussion from Charlie, really he didn’t expect anything, as long as she was alright he was fine, but before he made his way out the door for good she spoke one last time. “Thank you Bucky.” He paused a moment before turning to face her, seeing how upset she looked made his heart ache. Bucky wanted to hug her again, touch her, kiss her and make it all better, but that was no longer an option. They weren’t in that old bank vault anymore, this was the real world, and this was the most he could expect from her now.  
“You’re welcome Charlie.” She smiled at his response and he knew it was time to go. Their interaction had been brief but as he head outside to catch up with Sam he felt like that was a step in that right direction.  
“I was pretty sure you said ten?” Sam said with a smile, joking with Bucky as he strolled outside the tower, throwing a hat over his head knowing he had to keep a low profile.  
“Sorry…I got a little caught up.” Bucky responded coolly, wondering if Charlie had tried to get out of bed on her own again. It always seemed like he was worrying about her, that wasn’t something he could stop doing apparently. Sam looked at him a moment as if waiting for some type of explanation but he knew not to expect one, Bucky wasn’t really a chatty type of guy. He nodded in return and the two of them soon began to pick up their pace. Sam suggested the park and Bucky agreed, so they made their way over there not saying much as they moved quickly through the crowds of people on the street. Bucky was still having some trouble getting used to all the people in this city. It was a little overwhelming at times, and he got nervous often when he had to go out in public. These were strangers which meant they couldn’t be trusted, for all he knew someone could recognize him and soon Hydra would show up to drag him back to the vault to steal his memories again. This wasn’t a risk he liked to take.  
So while he and Sam ran through the park he kept his head down making sure that his face wasn’t visible to anyone that he’d passed. Much like he had assumed Wilson could barely keep up with him and he repeatedly did laps around the guy. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh to himself though when he saw Sam’s facial expression the fourth time he’d passed him.  
“On your right.” Bucky said finding himself enjoying this more then he probably should.  
“Oh come on you too?!” Sam shouted after him slowing down, hunching over and trying to catch his breath. “Son of a bitch.” Bucky stopped his run, slowing down as well smiling at the guys effort. He tried to keep up but they both knew it had been pointless. “Between you and Rogers I swear to god you’re gonna kill me.” After plopping himself down on the grass Sam looked over at Bucky who had the smallest hint of a smile on his face. This wasn’t an easy thing to do, to get through to the solider, but Sam was glad it was kind of working.  
“Sorry...to be fair I guess we are kind of cheating.” Bucky joked as he took a seat on the ground beside Sam, adjusting his hat and still avoiding the glares of others. He pulled anxiously on the sleeve covering his metal arm, hoping that no one had spotted it while he ran.  
“You’re right. The two of you definitely have an unfair advantage if you ask me.” Bucky laughed as Sam spoke, feeling a little less uneasy in his company by the minute. “So Bucky…you don’t mind if I call you that right?”  
“No it’s fine…it’s my name apparently.” It was a thing he still hadn’t gotten used to, not since that day he’d first heard it after all these years, but it was growing on him. Sure he wasn’t really that guy anymore, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be again right?  
“Alright cool, Bucky can I ask you something?” Bucky turned towards Sam who only smiled in return and he felt that weird pit in his stomach again. It could be nerves he supposed but why should he be nervous about a question? He thought about it a moment, wondering what Wilson could possibly want to know. He wasn’t Steve, he wasn’t going to try and talk about feelings and all that crap, so what could it hurt?  
“Sure.” Bucky responded coolly, turning back to look at the people on the path before them, a couple, strolling hand in hand happily, Charlie popping into his mind again. He suddenly found himself wishing that could be them. A normal, happy couple who could be together and not have to deal with all of these complications, but it wasn’t ever going to be that way. Sam caught his glance at this couple and smiled to himself, knowing exactly what was going through his mind.  
“Why the hell aren’t you fighting to get her back man?” Sam asked with a laugh, his tone pleasant and still slightly joking but Bucky was caught off guard by the question.  
“What?” He responded, his face covered in confusion. This was definitely not a topic he knew how to discuss. Sam laughed and patted him on the back, sensing how puzzled the soldier had been.  
“Look all I’m saying is you clearly like Charlie right? Even after all the shit you both went through, knowing what she was doing…you still wanted to save her? I mean to me it just seems sorta dumb to give up now man.” Bucky listened as Sam spoke, really thinking about what he’d had to say. He wasn’t wrong that much Bucky knew but it was so much more complicated then that. The beginning of their relationship had been built on lies, lies Bucky had grown to accept, but Charlie couldn’t deal with them. She was too ashamed of what she’d done and it didn’t make a difference if Bucky cared or not.  
“She doesn’t want to see me. She can’t handle what she did…” Bucky started getting a little annoyed because of how little he cared about all of those stupid things that were keeping her from him.  
“What do you think? About what she did?” Sam asked in return and Bucky immediately shook his head.  
“It doesn’t make a difference to me. The thing is though, what she doesn’t realize is that it wasn’t all just a bunch of lies. She put on an act sure, but that act eventually stopped. She just doesn’t seem to accept that.” Their visits had grown more frequent and even began to last longer the more they’d gotten to know each other. She was pretending to be this caring person who gave a damn what Bucky had to say at first, but the pretense had ended after only three months. “I could tell she was being genuine…her feelings were showing even if she didn’t want to admit it out loud or to herself.”  
“Then why don’t you tell her these things?” Sam was easy to talk to, Bucky noted, but again it wasn’t as simple as he was making it out to be.  
“Charlie doesn’t want to see me. She won’t listen to what I have to say.” Giving up certainly wasn’t in his nature, but Bucky knew Charlie had needed some time. She went through hell, she was fragile right now, and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt her any further.  
“I understand man I do. Woman can be tricky, but it’s pretty clear you care about the girl and if that’s the case then you need to make her listen. ” With that Sam stood from his spot in the grass and Bucky looked up him a moment thinking about what he’d said. After offering him a hand Bucky took it and stood as well, the two of them making their way back to the path in a comfortable silence. They eventually headed back to the tower, making small talk here and there, Sam challenging Bucky something he knew he could beat him at as opposed to running, Rockem’ sokem’ robots. Bucky laughed at the idea then admitting he had absolutely no clue what that meant. Sam promised to show him soon, declaring that the winter solider was going to get his ass whooped by the falcon.  
“Hey Wilson.” Bucky said as they approached the entrance of Stark tower and Sam turned to face him.  
“What’s up?” He responded with a small smile.  
“Just…thanks.” Bucky said feeling sort of glad he’d let him come along, maybe being alone wasn’t exactly what he’d needed after all. Sam nodded as they walked in side, patting Bucky on the back.  
“No problem man…now go get your girl back.”

A few months after Charlie's mission began  
“No sorry, as much as I would love to go to that same shitty dive bar Brock, I have other things to do tonight.” This had been the third time Rumlow had attempted to ask me out on another date. The first one had been awkward and messy enough, but I thought that eventually he would just give up, but no he was a persistent guy.   
“What you got another date with the soldier tonight?” His tone was aggressive and slightly annoying but I just rolled my eyes.   
“Look I’m just doing my job alright. We both know that so stop acting like some jealous boyfriend because you are in fact not my boyfriend…got it?” I didn’t have time for his crap today of all days. It was my mom’s birthday, my second least favorite day to deal with. I woke up in the morning with this feeling that she was going to be in my kitchen like she had been when I was little, sitting there making her own birthday cake because she was the only one who knew how to do it right. Then she’d sing happy birthday and I’d join in, waiting for my dad who eventually came in on last verse with this ridiculous high note. The last time she sung that was the day before she died. My mind was full of these thoughts for the last twenty four hours, so my fuse was short. I stop walking through the hallway of SHEILD’s HQ, keeping my voice low because this was a place of work not for some stupid argument that was as useless as this one. Rumlow looked at me, his brown eyes wide and a little hurt, but I was just aggravated by the sight of his face at this point. If he was expecting some sort of apology he wasn’t going to get one anytime soon. “Now if you’ll excuse me…I have somewhere to be.” He didn’t say another word as I turned from him and made my way down the escalator and outside. I was done here for the day, it was time to head over to see the solider.  
Five months this had been going on, nearly every day I’d be told to report to that same place, the old bank where they stored him. It wasn’t a difficult job really, the guy wasn’t that bad to be around to be honest. He was a lot less annoying then most people I’d known and actually listened to what this fake version of me had to say. Plus the ridiculously hot sex didn’t hurt one bit. If I had any normal feelings I probably already would have fallen for the guy, but the way I grew up prevented that from ever happening which was good because that would not end well.   
“Alright what’s going on with him today?” I asked as I strolled into the control room where my uncle sat with the rest of the men, Rumlow thankfully absent from this mission.   
“He refuses to talk to anyone but you Charlotte, damn it we were afraid this would happen…” Uncle Alex grew angry and quickly, his temper showing.   
“Hey…it’s fine. I got this. If you need me to do this I can, I’ll do what needs to be done as long as I have to alright?” I know they didn’t want the soldier to become dependent on only me, but who cared? “As long as you get what you need what difference does it make Uncle Alex?” His face was tired, annoyed but he nodded.  
“You’re right. You’ll handle this, you won’t let us down right?” There it was, this odd look he occasionally gave me, like he was trying to portray confidence but it wasn’t quite that. I know he was blood and I was meant to trust him, but sometimes when he looked at me that way I wasn’t sure if I could. I got the sense that if this went wrong he’d turn on me without a second thought, so I had to control the situation like always.   
“Of course. I’ve got this solider wrapped around my finger.” He nodded at my response and glared down at my outfit, a sweater and pair of jeans.  
“Change first then head in Charlotte. Call if you need anything we won’t be far away.” With his order I do as he says and move into another room, finding several barely there outfits for me to slip into and I change without another thought. Soon I’m strolling into that old vault, hearing the sounds of footsteps, hard and heavy at they hit the cement floor. Once I enter the final set of doors I spot the soldier, in full uniform, pacing back and forth, his metal arm shining in the dim light.  
“Soldier, you were asking for me?” I speak up and watch as he turns towards me, eyes wild with confusion and anger. Before I have a chance to ask him if he’s alright he moves towards me quickly, but abruptly stopping just an inch away, hovering over me intensely. It throws me off, his big blue eyes glaring into mine and I suddenly find that I’m unsteady, nervous even but not in a bad way. His closeness is sort of driving me a little nuts, he’s there and could easily reach out and grab me, kiss me, but he doesn’t, only lingers as he holds my gaze. Gently he reaches a hand up, his metal one and traces the line of my jaw with one finger. His touch sends shivers through my body, but the moment is too much. “What’s wrong?” I whisper softly, trying to focus and not let him get inside my head so easily.  
“I just wanted to make sure you were real.” His voice was uneven, upset and I had this strange urge to hold him, make him feel better. I glance up at him, pulling his hand closer kissing it softly.  
“Of course I’m real.” I smile briefly, wondering why I’m letting this concern me so much. Why wouldn’t he think I was real? “I’m very real, soldier.” I had to put the act back on, I had to seduce him damn it, get my information and then get out of this damn place. I take his metal hand and move it lower, to my hip then grab his human hand doing the same, throwing my arms around his neck. Quietly I move my face into the crook of his neck, kissing it gently, inhaling his scent finding something soothing about it but ignoring that fact. Get in and out, it had always been that easy, now is no different. I feel his hands slide to the small of my back as my lips trail up his neck, then along the line of his jaw soon meeting his mouth hungrily. His kiss his rough as first, as always, craving my touch, but soon he slows it down as if he’s taking his time. The way he touches me is off, it’s different, gentle maybe, but I don’t know how to feel about it. Usually we go at it like fucking rabbits, just pouncing on each other, clothes torn off without a thought, but this was softer, tender even.  
We stumble against the wall, and I feel his hand protect my head from slamming into the concrete, something he’d never cared for before. What was happening? Why did he care if that happened or not? Even as all these questions floated through my mind I kissed him back just as affectionately, and it hit me. This wasn’t just some messed up soldier banging a woman for comfort, because needed to get his frustrations out somehow like it had seemed every other time, no, the way he behaved was almost as if he wanted me and only me. I wasn’t just a body to be used, the solider wanted to actually be with me. This was not good. I didn’t want him to actually care, no it made things too complicated. I was just here to be of service and get information, that was all.  
“Soldier, just fuck me already…” I tried this because it generally worked, but when he pulled his mouth away from mine I swore I caught a glimpse of a smile on those beautiful lips. Softly he brushed my cheek, gazing into my eyes again with this incredibly endearing look, a way no one had ever looked at me before. I swallow hard, trying to avoid eye contact by pulling his face back to mine kissing him desperately. This wasn’t going the way I wanted it to, no I had completely lost control here but I didn’t know how to regain it and I was getting angry. Strongly I pulled his whole body closer to mine, grinding my hips against his hoping to get the upper hand. He always liked that, but he only slowed things down more driving me absolutely nuts.  
“Be patient…” He whispers into my ear, his breath warm sending goose bumps down my neck. I grasp the back of his head in my hands as his lips move down my chest and he slides the straps of my dress down one by one, then his lips return to mine stronger then before throwing me off guard making me gasp into his mouth. What the hell was happening right now? I wasn’t in charge, no the soldier was, and as much as I hated it part of me couldn’t deny how good it felt as his metal hand slid up my dress, the cool feeling amazing against my warm skin as he fiddled with the elastic of my underwear.   
“Fuck…” I curse under my breath, unable to hide how good it feels when that metal finger makes its way inside of me, then another following. The thing is though, I don’t want it to stop, no I let him continue to kiss me and move those cool fingers in and out slowly then quicker soon sending me over the edge completely as I moan loudly as my nails dig into his back. A moment later those fingers are gone and I feel his hand tear away the panties completely. He was taking his time though, moving his human hand everywhere but towards his belt where I wanted it to go so I could finally be in control once more. It was useless to put up a fight though because had me pinned against this wall, and I soon found I didn’t want to put up a fight anyway. The soldier wanted nothing more then to make me feel good and given the shitty day I’d been having I let it happen.  
My charade is falling apart as his metal hand lifts my leg in the air to wrap it around his waist. I go with it, using my thigh to pull his body even closer. He looks up a moment, a smirk on his face, blue eyes sparkling as he strokes my cheek gently once more.   
“What are you doing?” I ask after a moment because he doesn’t speak only leaves his hand there resting on my face holding my gaze, his expression not lost or sad in that moment, no it’s as if he’s trying to take in every second of this moment.   
“I just don’t want to forget you Charlie.” His voice is so soft, human, and not at all like the monster he’d been made out to be. Everyone spoke of the winter solider as if he were devoid of emotion but in this moment right here I knew that was complete and total crap. He was a person with real feelings, but I couldn’t afford to think this way. It would cause only trouble for the both of us.   
“You’re not going to forget me. I won’t let you.” I smile, not knowing why I’d said that, except for this odd instinct to make him feel better. These feelings weren’t right though, damn it, no. I can’t think of him like this, he has to be my mission and only my mission or this would all go to hell. I can tell he wants to say something again, something just as sweet, something I don’t deserve to hear so I pull his face back to mine, kissing him just so he’d shut the hell up. These feelings we were both having were bad news, I had to distance myself from the soldier somehow. I couldn’t let it get anymore complicated then it just had become, no I was going to do whatever had to be done to put a stop to this ridiculous notion that the winter soldier had real, genuine feelings for a crappy person like me.

Present day  
“What are you doing?” I hear a voice from behind as I zip up what’s left of my stuff in the backpack. There wasn’t much obviously, but it was enough to get by. When I turn around I see Steve Rogers, standing in the doorway of my hospital room. “Are you going somewhere? Bucky had said the doctors wanted to keep you around a little longer…”  
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” I state bluntly as I toss the bag over my shoulder, wincing slightly in pain where my ribs were still healing.  
“I don’t really think that’s a good idea.” Steve says stepping inside the room and I have to resist rolling my eyes.  
“Oh really? Is the great Captain America going to give me a speech on what’s right and wrong for me? Because really you can save it, Rogers.” I was in enemy territory here. This hospital was run by people who would have actively tried to kill me had they known what I’d been a part of. Why would I stick around? “I’ve got places to be alright. I can’t stay here.” I begin to walk towards the door but Steve blocks it with his large frame. I’d never met the guy before but I did have to admit he looked the part, especially that stern judging facial expression. Yep, good old fashioned Mr. Do what’s right. “What the hell are you doing?” I ask, trying to resist the urge to punch the guy. Sure it might be useless but I think if I were in top physical condition I might be able go toe to toe with the Captain.   
“You’re not going anywhere Charlie.” He states plainly, like it’s a fact, acting like he’s my dad or something telling me what to do which pisses me the hell off.   
“Really and what makes you think I’m going to listen to anything you have to say huh?” I take a step forward, getting even closer to him so he knows I’m not going to back down that easily. Steve smiles briefly, placing a hand on my shoulder but I smack it away immediately, the idea of any man’s hand on me without my permission making me sick almost instantly. “Don’t.” I say through gritted teeth, trying to hide how much that small touch had gotten under my skin.  
“I’m sorry…I just…” Steve looks thrown off, confused like a lost puppy as he takes a step back and out of the way, sensing how uncomfortable I am with his closeness. “I just wanna talk to you I swear.” He raises both hands as he keeps a safe distance and as much as I want to grab my bag and run the hell out of the place I take a seat back down on the bed, my side aching like hell, really everything still hurting.   
“Fine.” I say coldly, avoiding his gaze, his eyes on me making me nervous. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me, but that small gesture from before just set me on edge, memories of a much rougher man grabbing me with far worse intentions. “Talk.” Steve looks at me hesitantly for a moment like he’s the anxious one now, then he takes a seat in the chair across from me.   
“Look I know you think it’s easier to just cut ties and run. Getting the hell out this place as fast as you can…”  
“Sounds like a pretty solid plan to me.” I interrupt knowing how much of an ass I’m coming of as, but I don’t care anymore. Being polite was never my strong suite anyway why start now? Steve smirks at my response, like he expected no less but continues anyway.  
“The thing is Charlie I get that you think you don’t belong here, but you do…you’re lost and just trying to find your way and if anyone gets that it’s all of us, Bucky the most really. I know you want to avoid him because of what you did but the truth is, I think you both need each other more then you’re willing to admit.” I clench my jaw tightly as Steve speaks, not wanting to say anything in response because a lump is growing in my throat and tears are burning in my eyes. I don’t want him to know this though so I keep quiet as he goes on. “It’s only been a few days since he got you back and I just think it would really suck it you bailed so soon before you even get to see how great of a person he actually is, even if it’s a little messy for him right now.”  
“I already know…” I say quietly, trying to hide the crack in my voice as I speak. I swallow hard, avoiding Steve’s caring eyes. God why does everyone have to look at me like that? I don’t deserve it damn it.  
“You already know what?” Steve asks curiously and though I want to avoid his gaze I can’t, no I look up this time as I speak.  
“I already know that he’s a good person. Most people don’t risk their lives to save a person like me, not after what I did to him.” Steve nods in agreement.  
“Then you know how much he cares, you spent a year with him Charlie. Sure it was under different circumstances but you know what he’s been through, you’re the only person who can relate. I know he’s respecting your wishes but it’s killing him not to see you. You should stay, not just for Bucky but for yourself. I think this could be a good change for you.” I could tell Steve genuinely believed this, that he was just trying to help but I didn’t know how to handle that. He shouldn’t give a damn but he did and I wasn’t sure what to do with that information. “If you are going to leave though…” He says as he stands from his chair, making his way towards the door. “Don’t just disappear, at least say goodbye to him, you owe him that much.” With that Cap was out the door leaving me with a million different things to consider, and I had no idea what to do from there. Damn it I should have just left when I had the chance.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam had told Bucky to go get his girl back and he was ready to take that advice. In fact almost immediately after they had gotten back from their run he had made his way up to her hospital room ready to make her listen to what he had to say. The only problem? She was gone.  
"Excuse me....Charlie Evans, she was in room 402." He started to say to one of the nurses, a bad feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. She shook her head, pushing the glasses up on her nose.  
"She disappeared, I just went to go check on her a few minutes ago and the poor thing was gone. We are letting Mr. Stark and everyone know, so they can send out people to search." Bucky's heart sank. Charlie was gone and he knew this was all her choice. Being surrounded by the people she was taught not to trust must have scared her and seeing Bucky was only a reminded of all she had done wrong. He could have changed that though. Why couldn’t she just stay long enough to let him?  
"Don't bother looking, she doesn't want to be found." He knew it didn't matter what he said, everyone else would begin their search soon enough but he knew it was pointless. Charlie knew how to get away and she would stay hidden until she wanted to be found. That good feeling he'd had before he headed up was gone and replaced with that same dull ache he'd felt until the day Natasha told him that she was still alive, he could get her back. Now he was alone again and as he stood in that empty hospital room he suddenly felt the urge to hit something. The first thing in sight was a giant vase full of flowers that Sam had bought a few days before and without a second thought Bucky slammed his metal fist into it sending shattered glass and water everywhere.  
"Mr Barnes!" The nurse shouted from just outside the room. "My goodness what happened?"  
"I...umm...I'm sorry..." Bucky stammered nervously as he tried to pick up some of the mess he just made feeling horrible for reacting that way. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." As he spoke he found himself growing more upset by the minute, at his outburst, at Charlie for leaving without saying anything, it was too much. After picking up as much as he could he quietly excused himself from the room, moving quickly, not knowing what to do because his anxiety was kicking in now in full effect. It was like the nightmares, the fear and panic, but he was awake and couldn't escape the pain as he threw himself into the nearest stairwell. He's trying to breathe, leaning his head against the concrete wall closing his eyes and pushing the bad thoughts from his mind. In waves they come back, the images of those people he'd killed over the last few decades.  
"Damn it." He says out loud through clenched teeth, throwing his metal fist into the wall destroying the concrete beneath it. No one witnesses this thankfully, but Bucky is spiraling. He can't get control of his emotions now, the anger is piling up inside of him as the sweat lines his forehead. Steve had taught him a couple of tricks for when these attacks happened but in the moment he couldn't remember any of them, so instead he just kept hitting the wall, over and over again. Each time the metal collided with concrete Bucky saw those faces once more, hitting him like he was hitting the wall. It hurt like hell but he couldn't stop.  
"Buck?" He could hear the voice but it didn't register, no, so the punching continued. "Hey Bucky..." A hand appeared on his shoulder and those trained assassin instincts kicked in immediately. He didn't know who it was but in his mind Bucky considered them a threat, so he grabbed that hand and twisted the persons arm behind their back slamming them onto the ground, metal hand tight on their throat. "Bucky!" Steve screamed through ragged gasps, struggling to get him off right away. The winter solider was there now, not his friend. His eyes were blank, no recognition in them at all. "Bucky stop!" Steve used all of his weight to toss Bucky back into the wall and when his head slammed into the concrete he snapped back into reality seeing what he had just done. "Oh my god..." Bucky looked down at his hands horrified, covered in blood, some his own and some from the back of Steve's head where he'd hit the ground hard. Steve scrambled to his feet quickly, wanting to say something to his friend but he wasn't sure what would even be appropriate. Bucky looked up at Steve, trying to hide how much pain he was in but it was useless. The agony of the last 70 years was clear as day on his face as the two of them stood in the stairwell in silence. "I'm....I..." Bucky tried to get his words, an apology an explanation maybe, but speaking was too difficult. All he could was mutter one thing under his breath as he choked back the sobs that were slowly building in his throat. "She's gone." Steve watched as his friend, one he used to look up to, one who was as tough as they came, completely fall apart in front of him. Bucky dropped to his knees, hunched over and head hung low as the tears began to pour from his sad blue eyes.  
"Buck..." Steve managed to get out, but he didn't have the right words. He'd tried to convince Charlie to stay but it didn't work. She had gone through hell he got that but Steve just wished she would have stuck around long enough to tell Bucky why she had to go, so he wouldn't be in this much pain. This was the last thing he deserved and Steve's heart broke for his friend. Not knowing what else he could do, he walked forward towards Bucky, placing one hand on his shoulder gently as he continued to cry. He wanted Bucky to know he was there for him, that he didn't care whether he was that smart ass kid from Brooklyn who used to get him out of fights or this broken man before him, Steve was going to have his back always. "Hey buck?" Steve said after he seemed like he had calmed down a little bit. His friend raised his head slightly too look up at him, eyes red and bloodshot, tears staining his cheeks.  
"Yeah?" Bucky responded in a hoarse voice. Steve took a step back and kneeled before him.  
"You're gonna be okay pal. I'm gonna make sure of it." Steve said in a cool voice, confident that this could happen, Bucky still not so sure. "The Bucky I knew never gave up, no matter how crappy things got...and ya know what I think that guys still in there. I'm gonna do whatever I can to help you find that. You had my back when we were kids and now I got yours alright?" The words coming from the captain’s mouth were all of the right things and though Bucky truly appreciated what he was trying to say he wasn't so sure it was worth it. He felt like a lost cause at this point, but Bucky didn't want to hurt Steve's feelings so instead he nodded and when offered a hand he took it and stood up along side his friend.  
"Alright." With a pat on the back from Steve, Bucky turned and followed as they made their way down the stairs in silence once more, neither of them sure where the hell to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i made myself sad


	14. Chapter 14

A week before Charlie decided to help Bucky  
“You’ve got to be kidding me. This isn’t what I signed up for.” I can’t help myself as I scream at my Uncle, feeling my blood pressure rising by the second at thought of the truth behind the one they’d called the winter soldier. Uncle Alex sat in his chair though completely unfazed by my words. “This isn’t right and you know it. He’s a human being for Christ sake.” I was pacing back and forth in front of his desk, feeling more pissed off the less that he spoke. It had been a long time since I’d gotten this angry and I didn’t have an appropriate way of handling it, so my reaction only grew. “I’m not going to help you hurt him anymore. In fact I should leave right now and tell Steve Rogers the truth…everything you did to his friend…”  
“Charlotte. You need to stop talking about something you know nothing about. This information is way above your head and you don’t have a right to an opinion. So it is best for you and all of us…” He stands calmly, heading in my direction and I know I should shut up but damn it I just can’t hold my tongue.  
“No, Uncle Alex, you can’t just use him to do your bidding. He’s not a trained animal you can just keep in a cage!” My voice was growing louder because I was getting upset, like really upset. It was making the matters even worse in fact, because it made me look weak, something Uncle Alex was not a fan of. He approached me, stepping in my path forcing me to stand still. His glare was composed, eyes fixed on me, very intimidating in fact but I didn’t care. “You stole his life from him...it’s not right….” I was getting choked up which was making everything harder. These weren’t emotions I had shown in years and they pissed me off even more, but I could tell Uncle Alex had had enough now.   
“Charlotte you’re keeping your mouth shut. There isn’t another option. You will still visit your soldier. He is still your mission and you will do as you’re told, like you always do. Right and wrong are one in the same in Hydra. This man is not James Barnes any longer, he is the winter solider and your only job is to make sure he cooperates.” He is only inches away now, staring me down, his voice stern and angry but I can’t go along with this crap any longer. I’m too frustrated by all the lies and the fact that I’d been a part of something so incredibly wrong. It made me sick to my stomach to think back to the time when the solider had been so afraid that he’d forget me, that was because with a simple order from my uncle the memory of me could be stolen from him just like his entire past. “Do you understand me Charlotte?” There’s no point in arguing any further with him, he’s in charge and we both know it, but my emotions are overwhelming now. He can’t see that though, so I just nod, keeping myself in check.  
“Yes I understand.” I swallow hard and clench my jaw tightly as he pulls me in for a hug, only enraging me further as his arms wrap around my body. I fight every instinct in my bone to pull away and knee him in the groin in that moment.   
“Look I get why you’re upset but this is your job and you’re good at it sweetheart. You’ve made me very proud and I know your father would have been too.” What about my mom? I think to myself feeling my stomach drop at the thought of her seeing what I had turned into. There was a reason she wasn’t alive anymore and it had everything to do with her not wanting to be a part of this anymore. She wanted to leave this place with me and my dad, make sure I wasn’t brought up into this hell, but she couldn’t handle it any longer. I just wished she would have stuck around long enough to save me from Hydra. “Take a little bit of time to yourself, get your emotions in check because the solider will be here in about an hour and they’ve said you’ll be needed.” He releases me from his embrace, a smug look of victory on his face. “I won’t be around today, so your own you’re own. I have some business to attend to.”   
I nod once more, forcing down the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes and turn to leave the office. Quietly I make my way to the hallway, passing agents left and right and no longer do I feel self-satisfied at the idea of their ignorance, in fact I now find myself wishing I had been as clueless as they were. I don’t want to now what I am a part of, what pain I’m causing. It’s sickening.   
“I’m not changing today. This outfit will have to do.” I say to the guard as I enter the control room just outside of the bank vault. Rumlow and my uncle were busy today, they weren’t there to try and control things like always so I was in fucking charge.   
“Agent your uncle will want…” The guy started to say but I cut him off immediately.  
“I don’t give a damn what my uncle wants. I’m going in. I don’t need you guys today.” Not bothering to hide my annoyance I push the man out of the way, grab the key from his waistband and make my way to the soldier…Bucky. As soon as I get inside of the vault I see him sitting in that chair just like always and a smile lights up his face as soon as I enter the room.  
“Charlie.” The relief in his eyes when he sees me makes all of this even harder and then when he stands to greet me with a kiss it’s almost unbearable. It’s soft and sweet, his lips gentle as always and I have to pull back.   
“Soldier…” I hold his face closely, running my fingers through his hair but I keep my eyes closed because I can’t stand to face him, not when I know this information. “I…I’m sorry I can’t…not today.” I want to be with him, I do, and that’s the problem. At the feel of his metal hand sliding gently down to rest on the small of my back I know this is too much. I’ve been a part of a huge plan to keep so many secrets from this man, to control him when he was in fact a human being. “You don’t deserve this.” I whisper, choking back the tears that had been trying to escape days since I’d found out the truth about the man before me, not the winter soldier, no he was James Buchannan Barnes. He wasn’t the world’s greatest assassin, he was the longest surviving POW and this weighed heavy on me. “It’s not right….” As the tears begin to fall Bucky Barnes looks up at me curiously, not understanding why I was behaving this way.   
“Charlie? Hey…hey what’s wrong?” There was genuine concern on his face now as I slowly began to break down in his arms. He held me tightly though, and though I wanted to say something, tell him why I was behaving this way, I knew I couldn’t. “You’re going to be okay, it’ll all be okay…” He didn’t sound so sure as he spoke, because he was just as lost as ever but I listened to him, only wanting to make me feel better.   
“I’m so sorry…so so sorry…” An apology would never be good enough but in my state it was all I could get out. We stood there like that for the rest of our time together, him holding me tightly as I sobbed uncontrollably like my entire world was coming to an end. In fact it was, everything I thought I knew was a bunch of crap. I was the bad guy, and I had known that. There wasn’t anything I could do to make it right….or was there?

Present day  
It had been a week, maybe more, since I had made my escape from Stark tower and all I could do was travel from crappy motel to crappy motel, sneaking my way into a room trying but failing to escape my misery. The places were total dumps, and my entire body was still in a lot of pain considering I’d bailed on the place that was supplying the pain meds, but I couldn’t stay. I had to get out of there at least that is what I keep telling myself.   
As I lay in one of the many rock hard beds I’d managed to find, I stare up at the ceiling doing my best to fall asleep but it’s useless. I’m exhausted sure but every single time I close my eyes I think of Bucky and how badly I had probably hurt him by leaving the way I did. I couldn’t bare to face him, to say goodbye for real, no it was too much. The only problem with my plan though was the fact that I was absolutely terrified of what could happened to me on my own. I didn’t feel safe because I knew that hydra was out there and they would absolutely be searching for me. I knew far too much and would be considered a threat by a lot of people right now. The idea of someone finding me caused these nightmares, flashbacks of being stuck in that cell with those men and the doctor with his knives. Being alone was driving me absolutely insane.  
I found myself wishing those hallucinations would just return, but only the ones of Bucky. Being around him, in that hospital room asleep when I knew he was there watching, despite me saying to stay away, I felt safe. I left that though by my own choice and now I would just have to deal with the consequences.   
After giving up on the idea of sleep I slowly get out of the bed, needing some fresh air. I gather what little strength I have and head out the door into the cool night, not moving too fast because certain parts of my body are still healing. I begin my walk down the dark road, making my way into town. I managed to get away from the city and traveled as far as Philly but avoided the well populated areas. It wasn’t safe, so avoiding large groups of people was my best option.   
“How can I help you mam?” I found a small, nearly empty diner at the end of the road and figured it was a pretty good option. My funds were pretty low so I only ordered some coffee and eggs and kept to myself as I ate. There was this man though, in the far left booth that kept glancing over in my direction making me feel incredibly uneasy. I couldn’t tell though if I was just being overly paranoid because of the situation I was in at the moment. It felt like everyone was potentially out to get me and knowing this only made this man’s glare that more threatening. “Can I get ya anything else sweetie?” The sever came back after she saw that I had finished my food and sort of startled me.   
“Oh umm no…the check is good.” I hadn’t been able to focus on anything but that man. He was large, a good six inches on me, wore a black hat and had these incredibly piercing dark brown eyes. What caught my attention most though was the scars that covered his face, they looked almost like burns. Soon after the server brought the check I watched anxiously as the man got up from his seat and it appeared that he was walking in my direction. My heart leapt into my throat as he neared me, my left hand grasping the butter knife on my table tightly. I had no weapons, no defense and my guards were down. If he wanted to attack me he certainly had the upper hand and we both knew it, but I was going to fight back if I had to. No way in hell after making it out of all of this, that I wasn’t going to go down swinging. Even with as much pain as I was in, my right hook was still fully in tact and with this butter knife I could certainly do a hell of a lot of damage. In Hydra you learn to improvise.  
He keeps moving towards me and my heart begins to pound as I shift in my seat nervously, avoiding his gaze. I watch as his hand slides into his pocket and almost immediately assume he’s grabbing for a gun of some sort. Just as he gets less then a foot away the server comes back to collect my money, and the man just keeps walking however when he nears my table much to my surprise he goes for the door instead. He’s gone and I breath a sigh of relief, thankful as hell it was all in my head. Though I was pretty sure I’d be able to attempt to put up a good fight, it was the last thing I had wanted. I hadn’t slept in days and my strength hadn’t completely returned. The idea of going against a man that large without any real type of weapons would have ended badly.   
After I pay my server I just sort of sit for a few minutes in the booth alone, needing to just rest. The seat was surprisingly more comfortable then half of the beds I slept in lately, so I just closed my eyes for a second wanting to prepare for wherever I was headed to next. With my eyes shut, I tried to imagine something good, something that made me happy. Strangely enough this one day in the vault had popped into my mind. It was a time after one of his missions that Bucky had asked to see me, when I started to sense his feelings were real, which actually scared the hell out of me, but we got to talk, like really talk. He of course didn’t have any real memories to speak of, but the one thing he mentioned was dancing. He knew he liked it, so being that I was in a good mood that day I asked for some music to play. The first song that came on was for some strange reason was the YMCA. He had absolutely no idea what that song was, in fact when I tried to get him to dance along he looked at me like I was the craziest person in the world.  
It was then when I began to wonder why he didn’t know all of these little things that people should have known over the last few decades. How sheltered had he been, I asked myself, but I ignored those thoughts and took it upon myself to teach him that dance along with several others. There was nothing more entertaining then watching a trained assassin with a metal arm learning how to do the Macarena. With this image in my mind I managed to drift off to sleep before I could even stop myself. The thing was, this sleep was peaceful, full of only happy thoughts like dancing with Bucky, opening birthday presents with my mom, and the thought that though I was alone Bucky was still looking out for me. I felt safe with those blue eyes intently on me, and right there in that booth I was out like a light for god knows how long.  
“Time to wake up now Charlie.” The voice is quiet, and close as I feel the warmth of someone’s breath as they whisper into my ear. I’m lucid, but as I begin to open my eyes I can feel that my energy is drained. I am awake but my body is still asleep, when my eyes open I see a face before me. It’s the man with the scars, my instincts kick in right away. I need to run but I can’t, my bodies too weak. “Good morning babe.” The voice is familiar but his face is so badly burnt that I don’t recognize him right away.  
“Brock?” My voice is quiet, I want to scream for help but I can’t. I look around the room. There’s three other people, including my server who looks pleased with herself. “What the hell is going on?” I feel the anger and panic take over despite my drugged up state. “What did you do to me?”   
“It’s nice to see you too Charlie.” Gently he strokes my cheek, gazing into my eyes but I have to look away. His appearance is frightening, and I’m absolutely terrified right now. I’ve been found, they got me back again and it was my own damn fault. “Oh what do you not like the way I look? Because you’re boyfriend caused this…look at me…” He says angrily, but I still don’t look up not until he grabs the back of my head and yanks it towards his face so that we are inches a part and I have no choice. “Take this in sweetheart because what I have planned for you is far worse.” Roughly he grabs my face and kisses me on the mouth and my whole body aches with rage. With every single ounce of strength I pulled myself away, unable to hit him so spitting in his face instead. He took a step back, aggravated, wiping it away and then laughing. The smirk on his face was infuriating. “Try to fight back babe, it’s useless. Jenny over here gave ya something pretty strong. You’re not going anywhere. In fact I’m going to make you listen to everything I plan on doing to your damn solider before I kill you. We found him ya know, you guys thought you were so smart, but Stark tower? Really? It’s so damn predictable, but he won’t see it coming…none of them will.” At the mention of Bucky I felt myself regain some feeling, knowing I had to do everything I could to get to him before they did. I had to wait for my chance though, now was not it. I wasn’t strong enough. It would only be a few hours probably before I could fight again. I didn’t know though if I had that much time or if Bucky did. I had to get out of there now. I had to do everything I could to get to Bucky before Hydra becuase i wasn't going to let those bastards hurt him ever again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://youtu.be/zQfF84ackMM
> 
> This is the song you'll wanna listen to :-)

Bucky had been gone for several days on a mission in Europe, and as soon as he’d returned home the first thing he’d wanted to do was see Charlie. He completed what had needed to be done, killed who needed to be killed and yet all he could think of was getting back to her as soon as possible.  
“You rang soldier?” Today she was dressed in a small floral print dress, brown hair down and wavy framing her face, blue eyes shining in the dim light of the room.  
“You look beautiful.” He said out loud without even a hello coming to mind. She looked radiant, and he needed her to know that was what he thought. Charlie smiled at the compliment, probably hearing it all the time, Bucky thought to himself.  
“Thank you.” She replied tucking a strand of hair behind her hair and he could tell she didn’t actually believe it, that she heard it often and it didn’t really mean much to her at this point.  
“No…” He began as he stood from his seat, approaching her, wanting her in his arms immediately. “I’m serious.” Bucky grabbed her briskyly in his arms, pulling her body close to him liking the way she felt against him. She glanced up at him with a puzzled look on her gorgeous face. “You. Are. Beautiful.” Her brow furrowed at his words, for once she was showing self doubt Bucky could see it her eyes and he felt something inside of him light up. These feelings, wanting to protect Charlie, wanting to be with her as badly as he’d wanted this last week, it wasn’t normal was it?  
“Why do you keep saying that?” She asked like it was the most ridiculous thing for him to say and Bucky just shook his head, leaning in kissing her gently on the lips. Oh he’d missed those lips.  
“Because it’s the truth and I think you deserve to hear it every hour…of every day and as long as I’m around you’re going to.” He stayed near as he spoke, their noses still close enough to touch and when he saw her face light up he knew she’d finally believed him. “So I was thinking…” After kissing her once more time he pulled back and spoke, knowing exactly how they should spend their time together today. “Odds are the two of us will probably never go on a normal date right?” Charlie gazed up at him, a strange sadness lingering in her eyes as she nodded. “Right, so what are the odds you think you could get them to get some music in here?” The smile that spread across Charlie’s face made Bucky incredibly happy.  
“I’ll see what I can do.” After pressing her lips to his quickly again, she ran out of the room excitedly soon returning with some type of music player Bucky hadn’t recognized. He had imagined something much larger then the small Ipod she held in her hands and she hooked it up to tiny speakers. The first song that came on was one he didn’t recognize, but Charlie cracked up at the sound.  
“YMCA? Oh jesus…” She shook her head but danced along anyway as Bucky watched and laughed. “Hey soldier get your ass in on this.”  
“I have absolutely no idea what you are doing.” He stated plainly, more confused as ever as she danced to the strange song, moving her hands along each time the chorus came on. She stopped briefly to look at him, slightly puzzled but grabbed his hand anyway.  
“Come on I’ll show you.” After showing him the basics he tried his best to follow along feeling mildly stupid but still having a lot of fun. Charlie’s laugh was contagious and with each mistake Bucky had made she was cracking up. “Okay how about we try something a little simpler, slower?” Charlie walked over to the Ipod and changed the song, picking an oldie but a good one. “Ah yes…I love this song.” As the music began to fill the air Charlie approached Bucky who smiled as she curtseyed jokingly. He held out a hand and she took it happily, so he pulled her close once more and the two of them began to sway along with the melody. It was strange there was something about the song that felt familiar to Bucky. “Do you know this one?” Charlie asked glancing up at Bucky smiling.  
“I think I might…what’s it called?” She tells him the name of the song, You belong to me, and again it all feels so recognizable to him. He can’t place it in his mind though and it’s a little frusterating, so he just pulls Charlie closer, her head reasting against his chest comfortably. Bucky closes his eyes and inhales, catching a whiff of her scent, vanilla he guesses and smiles, glad to have her here with him. They continue their dance, neither of them saying much, only enjoying the others company and Bucky soon finds himself instinctively humming along to the music, the melody coming back to him out of nowhere.  
“Fly the ocean in a silver plane, see the jungle when it’s wet with rain, just remember till you’re home again…you belong to me…” The words fall out of Bucky’s mouth with ease, coming back to him suddenly and he continues until the song finishes. “You…belong…to me….” He finishes and quietly Charlie looks up at him, a smile slowly spreading across her face.  
“I guess you do know it?” She says a little surprised and Bucky is too. He had no idea where that came from, but he liked it and he could tell Charlie did too. They continue to dance as the next song begins, an old Sinatra song, and Bucky pulls Charlie closer once more.  
“Yeah, I guess I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep needed a sweet happy break from the drama for a sec....also had to add about the last chapter using the POW quote from the Russo brothers...had to...I loved it...more to come!


	16. Chapter 16

“It’s been two months. Please tell me why the hell Stark still insists on looking anymore. If she wanted to be found she would be.” Steve says as he and Natasha sit in the kitchen, the two of them trying to find something for breakfast. “Bucky’s been doing so well, I just think mentioning this would mess up all the progress he’s made.” Natasha looked up at Steve shaking her head and going straight for the coffee.   
“Look Steve I know you’re looking out for your friend, but Charlie has some information that we all need. You know Barnes wasn’t the only reason we went after her in that base. Her uncle was Alexander Pierce for Christ’s sake…” Steve knew she had a point but this wasn’t something he really liked to talk about. His only motive had been to help his friend he didn’t give a damn about Charlie’s Hydra connection. “She’s going to know the location of the men we need to find, the ones we need to take down so they don’t attempt to kill everyone again.” Natasha shrugged her shoulders, as usual not too affected by any of this, or at least that she would admit out loud. Steve knew she had cared about Bucky’s well being even if she didn’t tell anyone, it was obvious as soon as they’d found Charlie in that vault.   
“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Steve knew he couldn’t convince her otherwise, or Stark. Everyone was on a mission to hunt Charlie down, and Steve had done everything he could to keep this from Bucky. It had been a long process but he’d gotten him to open up and actually talk about things that were bothering him. He was doing so well these days and that was because he chose to put all of that stuff in the past. Sure he missed Charlie and he told Steve that often, but he knew she was gone for good at this point. It hurt like hell but there was nothing he could do about it.   
After losing his appetite while searching for breakfast Steve decided to head down to the gym where he found Bucky pounding away on the punching bag. He stood there a moment watching him go at it, frustration written all over his face. It was times like this, when Bucky had no idea that Steve was watching, that he could actually see how unhappy his friend really was. Bucky had been only putting on a show sometimes it seemed just for Steve’s benefit. There was progress sure, but deep down Bucky was still having a hard time.   
“Hey…” Steve spoke up after a minute or so and Bucky snapped out of his trance looking over to see the Captain standing in the door way and he wondered how long he’d been there.   
“Hey.” Bucky hoped it wasn’t time for more feelings talk because hitting this punching back was therapy enough for today. Last night had been especially hard and he hadn’t told a single person about the dreams that he’d still been having. He wanted everyone to think he was doing better, that he was going to be somewhat normal again but night after night he saw himself killing and hurting people. Those faces were seared into his memory, including Charlie’s, and the fact that she was still gone hadn’t sit well with him at all. In fact he had attempted to track her down on more then one occasion without letting anyone know.   
“You wanna go a few rounds?” Steve asked pointing towards the boxing ring and Bucky hesitated, afraid of what him and his left arm were actually capable of, not wanting to hurt Steve.   
“Um, I don’t know if that’s a good idea, man, not yet at least.” Hand to hand combat was something he had avoided since that day he accidentally slammed Sam into the left wall of the gym, nearly breaking his arm and couple of ribs. Sure Steve was strong as hell, but Bucky was still hesitant to go up against another person unless they truly meant him harm.   
“It’s okay Buck, I trust ya.” Steve knew what he was doing, why he was pushing Bucky.   
“You shouldn’t.” He responded coldly, pushing his hair away from his sweaty face.   
“Well I do, we all do and you’re just gonna have to get used to that pal.” Steve said with a smile, big and beaming, as he patted his friend on the back. Bucky was used to this, him ignoring the negative comments he made to cover it up with something positive, and though he knew Steve had meant well it was starting to bother him a little.   
“Steve you do realize I would have killed all of you if I was given the chance right?” Bucky didn’t mean to be so confrontational but he was exhausted and in an incredibly bad mood, Steve being Mr. Up beat and positive all the time was just too much for him at the moment.   
“I know that, but it wasn’t like you were given a choice. We’ve had this conversation before Buck…”  
“I am aware that we have but you never seem to want to really listen what I have to say. It’s like you just wanna sweep all the bad stuff under the rug and pretend it never happened because you want your old friend back.” He wanted to be alone right now, with his thoughts, his memories, but Steve was dead set on baby sitting him. “You need to accept that the guy you used to know is gone alright and you’re stuck with me. I’m not happy all the time, in fact most days I’m just pissed off and I get that you want to help but it’s not that easy. I need to face the things that I did, because it was me that did them. I was under Hydra’s control sure, but I was there for it all. I did as I was told, I killed those people because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was going to kill you because that was what I had to do to complete my damn mission. I have to deal with that Steve, do you understand?” His outburst couldn’t be controlled, his voice grew louder as Steve only stood and listened, arms crossed and eyes looking downward like he was a kid getting in trouble.   
“Buck…I’m sorry. I just wanted to help.” Steve finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. At the Captain’s response Bucky sighed loudly, exasperated by the entire situation. He didn’t want to get angry like this but he had zero control over his emotions when he let himself get wound up like this. The punching bag was helping a lot, he was taking out everything on that thing. The odds were pretty good it was going to fly off of the chain in a matter of seconds if Steve hadn’t showed up.   
“If you want to help, just leave me alone…” Bucky needed space, to be alone right now because he didn’t like feeling like he had to live up to anyone’s expectations. It was too much pressure to try and be the person Steve wanted him to be day in and day out. “I’ll be in my room if anyone needs me.” After tossing the boxing gloves to the floor of the gym Bucky walked past Steve, avoiding his gaze because the disappointment was clear on his face. He’d let Steve down again and the guilt was overwhelming. It was a constant pattern these days with the two of them, Steve expecting Bucky to get suddenly better and Bucky getting angry at him for his high expectations. Sometimes he just considered avoiding everyone in the tower so he could just get a little peace and quiet. Everyone always wanted to talk about things, Hydra, what had happened on the Helicarier, Charlie, and Bucky was about ready to leave too, just hit the road and never look back. Something was keeping him there though, and everyday he questioned his reasoning.   
After leaving the gym Bucky made his way to his room on the lowest floor, one he’d requested having grown accustomed to most places below ground. He also liked being near the exit, having an escape route if one was needed at a moments notice. His room was simple, only a bed, though he found himself sleeping on the floor most nights because the mattress was far too soft to get accustomed to. Something was different though when he entered the room, something felt off. Bucky moved quietly around noticing a few things that were misplaced, a towel on his bed and a few stains of blood on the carpet leading into the bathroom whose door was slightly ajar. Moving first to the bed, he reached under his pillow grabbing his knife and the gun from the night stand then he headed in the direction of the bathroom. As he edged closer he heard coughing, and his nerves were set on edge. He hadn’t actually fought another person since that day he’d gotten Charlie back and seeing what he’d been capable of scared the hell of him. If he had to do it though he would kill this intruder, he just prayed it would come to that.   
Carefully he inched his way to the door, kicking it open fully when he reached it and though he was prepared for a fight he was in absolute shock at the sight that lay before him.  
“Bucky…” He looked at Charlie who laid on the floor, clutching her side tightly, her shirt covered in blood where she was wounded but a smile on her pale face. “You’re okay…” A look of relief washed over her but Bucky was frozen in place. She came back, she was here, but she was hurt again. Oh god she was hurt. Bucky snapped out of his shock stricken state long enough to spring into action.   
“Charlie…” He ran towards her moving her hand gently to see what had happened.   
“I came back…I had to warn you.” Her breathing was shallow, voice ragged and full of pain. “Hydra they know…they know you’re here and they’re coming for you…” Bucky’s stomach dropped at the news she’d given him, but he had to help her first. She needed to see a doctor.   
“I don’t care about them right now. We need to get you out of here.” Charlie started to shake her head but Bucky ignored her protests. He could tell she’d went through hell to get here, sacrificed herself for his well being and he’d almost bet she was willing to die to get him this information but there was no way in hell he was going to lose her again. He carefully helped her to her feet, but the pain was too much so standing straight was nearly impossible. Bucky swept her legs from underneath her and as he whispered that she was going to be alright she soon became unconscious in his arms. “Hey…Hey!” Bucky shouted wildly, voice full of panic as he ran from his room. “I need a doctor…now!”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh sooo happy you all enjoy....promise I'm gonna keep it coming

I'm getting out, they're not looking it's the perfect opportunity. I can hear Rumlow and the other former hydra agents laughing about what they're going to do once they finally make their move on stark tower and even though I'm fading in and out of consciousness I know I can't let them go through with this. I'll kill every single one of them before I let Bucky get hurt again. So when I finally come to I slide off of the couch in this dumpy old apartment and slowly look for an exit. I don't see any doors except for the one in the room where all of those assholes are plotting and planning when they're going to make their move. The only reason they kept me alive this long they said was because Rumlow wanted me to watch as he wiped away all of buckys memories. When he'd said this I punched him square in the jaw but there were too many of them, I was outnumbered and the fight had been useless. Not now, now I was going to get out. Weapons were not an option, so I knew my only choice was to go through the bedroom window. I moved quietly towards it and look outside. It's about three floors up but there's a fire escape, and then a little bit of a jump. I can do this. Carefully I attempt to pull the window up, it's a little hard but I get it soon after. I throw one leg outside quickly, but by accident knock over the lamp on the table beside me.  
"Shit..." I say under my breath knowing that now I have to move quicker. I can hear the people in the other room get up and move towards me but I'm out on the fire escape running as fast as I can down the stairs. I soon reach the jump and can feel them all gaining on me. I don't think, I just jump and land hard on my ankle knowing something's snapped, but still I keep running.  
"Damn it Charlie!" I'm intercepted though, as Rumlow pops up right before me, grabbing me tightly. "You're not going anywhere" we struggle for a minute. He's larger then me but I get the upper hand and manage to kick him off and start run ing again. "Son of a bitch! Charlie don't move or I will shoot you!" I hear him yell after me but I don't care, no I keep going, then I hear a loud bang and the pain is almost overwhelming as my body falls to the hard ground. I hear rumlow coming from behind but I can't stay put. I don't care how much it hurts I stand back up and keep running. "You're such an idiot Charlie." The words are barely above a whisper as I hear them and then feel another bullet pierce through me. This time it's too much though, I'm hit and down on the ground gasping for air as I feel the warm blood from my stomach fill my hands. I turn over struggling to get up again but Rumlow has caught up to me now and before I can get my footing he kicks me down. "Ya know what maybe waiting to kill you isn't going to work so much...maybe we should just get this over with. It's not like you're worth saving right?" He continues to speak but I block it out, and only imagine Bucky and his blue eyes watching over me. I'm safe, I tell myself and as i watch Rumlow raise his gun at my face I close my eyes. Bang!  
"Whoa hey Charlie...you're okay, you're okay..." For the second time I find myself waking up from some horrible all too true dream in a hospital bed, struggling for air and trying to figure out my surroundings, only Bucky there watching and waiting for me to wake up. He's by my side almost instantly, touching my face softly as if to make sure I'm real. Once I've calmed down enough I look at him, the tears burning along the edges of my eyes. I swallow hard and grab his face pulling it towards mine kissing him strongly. His lips are just as I remembered them, soft and gentle, fitting perfectly with mine. A second later we take a pause, breathing heavily as my forehead rests against his.  
"We really gotta stop meeting like this." I say eventually, both of us laughing the tension that filled the room sort of melting away. Bucky leans back and leaves his hands on the sides of my face still, pushing a few stray hairs behind my ears.  
"I tried to find you." He says quietly blue eyes still as sad as when id left him. God why did I leave him?  
"I'm sorry I left Bucky...I just..." My voice cracks as I speak, I made so many mistakes. The regret was almost impossible deal with on a daily basis. "I didn't know what else to do. Hurting you...everything I was a part of... I didn't know how to face it." It was the most I had revealed about how i'd been feeling basically ever. He needed to hear this, and he looked at me softly,listening with patience which was way more then I deserved. "Seeing you...knowing that you still wanted to save me after what I did...the guilt..." I can't get the last part out, the tears begin to fall and had it not been for the tremendous amount of pain medication I would have hated how positively weak I was being, then again with Bucky I don't think I mind showing my feelings.  
"Charlie you do realize I know exactly how you feel right? I was the bad guy too... I tried to kill Steve and would have if he hadn't gotten through to me." His tone is understanding, light almost like he's found some sort of sense of humor in what he's done. "You and I have both made mistakes. I don't give a damn...all I know is that your mission only started as an act Charlie. It didn't take you too long till I had you eating out the palm of my hand." He was totally joking with me right now and it was freaking adorable.  
"Oh really?" I couldn't contain my smile, breathing a sigh of relief that he wasn't too angry with me for bailing like I did.  
"Oh absolutely. How can anyone resist a 95 year old brainwashed super assassin with a smile like this." This was the first time i had seen Bucky in a genuinely good mood, wearing this ridiculously cocky grin, since the time we'd spent together in the vault and it was sort of incredible. That sadness in his eyes was still there but a lightness was beginning to shine through.  
"What can I say you saw right through me Barnes." The normalcy of our conversation was amazing and something I wasn't sure would ever be able to happen. "I shouldn't have left Bucky, and I swear I won't again...." I turned serious once more and slide over carefully, the pain starting to settle in but I don't care. I motion for him to sit beside me in the bed and he looks up at me hesitantly for a second, those blue eyes gazing into mine briefly. I nod and hold out my hand, which he takes gladly, the metal cool against my skin a feeling id missed. After making sure he wasn't hurting me he lifts an arm wrapping it around me and he throws his legs up on the bed. Once I've gotten comfortable in his embrace I lean my head back against his shoulder taking a deep breath, inhaling his scent, the familiarity taking ahold of me and allowing the sedatives to do their job. I feel peaceful here in his arms for the first time in months. It's like I can breathe again. For a second I adjust my head to glance up at Bucky. His eyes are focused forward on the tv that's playing some type of infomercial but he's not really paying attention. After a moment he must feel my gaze because he looks down at me, his big blue eyes seemingly at peace, a look id never seen on him.  
"Ya know between the two of us we've got more problems than we can count on both hands combined, but you're right. Who the hell gives damn?" It's partially me speaking because I do mean everything I'm saying but this morphine is really kicking in now. I'm a tad more open then normal. "For some strange reason you wanna be with me...and I absolutely wanna be with you Bucky...it's funny, because I realized something these last two months." His brow furrowed at my words  
"What's that?" He can tell I'm a little out of it, but he's humoring me. One of his hands reaches up and brushes the side of my face and I hold it closer not wanting him to let go. I sigh deeply closing my eyes, the drugs winning now because I can feel myself drifting back to sleep.  
"I don't wanna leave you again...you said you'd always come back for me and I got scared...I bailed...people don't come back for me...they tend to leave...run away screaming in fact." Bucky laughs quietly under his breath and as I open my eyes I see him still looking at me with the sweetest expression. Without thinking i lean in, kissing him softly only for a moment. "I won't leave you again because the thing is..."I pause now because I know my filter is gone. Words are just spilling out but I have no control. "I don't know who you used to be but this person here right now...this Bucky who was once my mission...my solider...I don't wanna leave him again..." My eyes are slowly closing now, I'm fighting to stay awake. Before I close my eyes completely and pass out for good I say one last thing. "I love that man...I love you Bucky Barnes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needed some mushy stuff am I right?


	18. Chapter 18

Sleep. That had been a foreign concept to bucky for weeks now, but as soon as he heard Charlie say what she just had, she loved him, closing his eyes was easy. Gone were those bad dreams if only just for a moment and he'd felt something he hadn't felt in god knows how long, peace. She was back and in his arms now and she loved him and not even the guy he was supposed to be, the mess of a one he was now. She's given him that acceptance he'd needed.   
They stayed like that for a few hours, asleep comfortably, both getting what they needed from each other. A calm in the midst of this storm hydra had created and when bucky opened his eyes once more he was thankful for that break even if it had only lasted a little while. He took a moment though to just watch Charlie and wonder what hell she had been trough to get back to him. She had already been so badly hurt when she'd left but some of those cuts on her face has healed and had been replaced with fresh ones, not quite as bad, and a black eye. The idea enraged him to think of another person causing her harm, but she was safe now and he needed to remember that.   
Gently he ran his hand through her hair, caressing her cheek, just glad to have her back. That day she left he broke and even if hydra was coming back for him he didn't care because Charlie would be there, fighting beside him.   
"Are you watching me sleep?" Charlie spoke, her eyes still closed, but a smile creeping onto her lips. Bucky laughed slightly embarrassed to be caught.  
"I don't know how to answer that without sounding creepy." Charlie giggled and slowly opened her blue eyes, grinning up at bucky. She sighed softly leaning in for a kiss, meeting his lips gently leaving him with a goofy grin just plain old happy in that moment.   
"Good morning." She whispered quietly after their lips parted.   
"Good morning." Bucky said in return that smile still clear as day on his face, unable to hide how good this all felt. "I feel the same way Ya know..." He started softly, glancing down nervously, afraid that maybe her words had been just from the morphine the night before. Charlie looked up at him, her face full of confusion and he was absolutely terrified to continue but she needed to hear it anyway. If all of this taught him anything, it was that you have to say what you're feeling. There's not enough time to waste beating around the bush. "I love you too." He says looking back up, holding her gaze, blue eyes piercing into his.   
For a moment she doesn't speak and he's almost positive this was a mistake but when the smile returns to her face and she kisses him again he breathes a sigh of relief.   
"In case you were curious I did mean every damn thing I said last night." She laughed after the kiss had ended and Bucky pulled her closer. He stopped though when he saw her wince In pain. "I'm fine...." She insisted sliding closer so they were practically on top of one another at this point. She placed both hands on the side of his face, pulling him towards her so she could meet his lips once more. "I love you..." With her non injured arm she reached around his neck, using the little strength she had to bring him down so he was above her and she was resting on the pillow. Considering the fact that she was recovering from a pretty bad gunshot wound she certainly had a lot of energy and she was using that to feel every part of her soldier. Their kiss grew deeper as Bucky slid his hand down to her waist as gentle as he could fully aware of her injury, but he could tell Charlie wasn't paying attention to any of this. She was being a little reckless in her need for Bucky's touch and he could sense that while this all felt amazing she was in pain.   
"Hey..." Bucky said in between kisses, not wanting to stop but knowing it was for the best. "We've got time for that...you need to heal." She continued to kiss him, but he started to pull away.  
"I'm okay." She was stubborn, as always, so it was up to him to put an end to this.   
"I promise, when you're not fresh out of a major surgery we will pick up where we left off." He watches as she falls back onto the bed, giving up knowing Bucky was just as stubborn as she was and smiles defeatedly.  
"Fine, but I'm holding you to that Barnes." She pointed at him sternly and he couldn't help but laugh. Just as he was about to kiss her one last time he heard a knock at the door, well less of a knock and more like tony stark barging into the hospital room with Steve trailing behind behind him trying to stop the slightly erratic man.  
"Well look who's finally decided to wake up. Ya know after someone rescues a person they sorta expect them to stick around long enough for a thank you." Tony blurted out, clearly not caring what he'd interrupted. Charlie sat up, caught off guard and Bucky stood placing himself between her and Stark instinctively.   
"You must be Tony stark." She said growing slightly uncomfortable with all the people in the room.  
"Why don't we skip the introductions and get to down to what you know about this Rumlow guy and what he's got planned." Stark was always brash and a little rude for buckys taste and he didn't like the way he was talking to Charlie.  
"Charlie I'm sorry I told him to just give you some time but..." Steve began to apologize but tony was getting annoyed.   
"Look I get that you've been through hell, that fine, but I think we deserve to hear what the hell we are about to get ourselves into...we all have people we want to protect here am I right?" Tony looked around the room expectantly waiting for Steve or Bucky to respond. "Listen kid just tell us what you know that's all I'm asking. That's why you came here right?" Charlie glances at the men in the room, all surrounding her, Bucky being the only one she actually trusted and suddenly the panic began to set in.  
"I'm sorry...I...." She tried to speak but she was afraid and Bucky could hear it in her voice. When he turned around he could see how upset she had looked and immediately flew to her side.  
"Hey it's okay Charlie I'm here alright you're safe." Bucky grabbed her tightly, holding her in his arms until she calmed down and he could hear tony complaining in the background.  
"You've got to be kidding me right now, look kid we don't have time for this do you get..." Tony began but Bucky cut him off angrily.  
"Stark you need to shut your mouth." He stated through gritted teeth, standing up going toe to toe with the arrogant ass of a man.   
"Hey mr freeze you need to calm down alright I'm not trying to start anything here. We just need to be prepared for whatever hydra is going to throw at us."   
"Leave her alone." Bucky didn't give a damn what he wanted. All he cared about was making sure that Charlie was okay.  
"He's right Bucky." He turned to see Charlie, calm once more, and sitting upright looking a lot like her old tough self again. "I'll tell you whatever you want."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for more! Work and sleep and actually doing stuff got in the way but I'm back buds

"We need to be ready damn it...we need to be prepared for whatever these guys are gonna throw at us." Tony said as he paced around the living room anxiously. I watched him and Steve and Natasha and Clint and Bruce, the ones that called themselves the avengers, go over every piece of information I had just given them. These were the people that not only months ago I would have gladly killed and the idea that I was helping them now felt strange. Then I saw Bucky sitting beside me, hand resting on mine and listening to what everyone was saying intently. It was him, he was the only reason I was here right now, and one of the only reasons Rumlow was gathering as many former hdyra members as he can to infiltrate then attack Starks building.   
"Bucky..." I whisper quietly, leaning over though it hurt like hell. He turned to face me, his brown hair falling in his face. I reach out a moment and push it behind his ear and he grins sweetly. "We need to talk....alone." He looks back at the group and then back to me, nodding understandingly and helping me to my feet as we head out into the hallway undetected.   
"What's up Charlie?" He holds onto me tightly seeing I'm still having a little trouble standing. Taking two bullets to the stomach and one in the thigh certainly didn't feel good.  
"It's us...they're only coming here to get you and kill me." It takes a moment for Bucky to realize what I'm saying and I feel horrible. I don't want to take him from these people who have been so good for him. "Maybe I can lead them in another direction and you guys can get out of here. I can make sure you're all safe and..."  
"Hey." Bucky interrupts me, sitting me down gently in a chair as he takes a knee. "You're not going anywhere. We're in this together right?" I didn't want to leave him again and I had said I wouldn't.  
"But it's not safe..." I couldn't fight the urge to want to protect him, gladly sacrificing myself in the process. Bucky shook his head though pulling my face closer.   
"No...you're staying with me." I sigh as he presses his forehead to mine and I know putting up a fight is useless, my heart isn't in it anyway.   
"Then we need a plan. We have to be ready because they might already have someone on the inside. We can't trust anyone." Bucky doesn't say anything in response only smiles. "What?" I ask curiously, a little confused as to why he wasn't freaking out like everyone one else. Bucky was seemingly the only one with a level head these days.   
"It's just i have to wonder if it's always gonna be like this Ya know?" He responds quietly, holding my gaze and brushing some hair from my face leaving his hand resting on my cheek.   
"Like what?"   
"Always wondering who's gonna try and kill us next." His words come out casually but I can see that sadness in his eyes again and tell that he's almost longing for a sense of normalcy.   
"It's seems to be pretty standard these days doesn't it? I mean I guess it's sort of the only life we know right?" As I say this aloud I wonder if it'll ever change, if I even want it to. This was the way I'd been living more then half of my life. Hdyra didn't come with any sense of safety or security. Living like this was normal for me. "Is that what you want? A nice wife, house in the suburbs...some kids..." The idea of this sort of freaked me out but I was curious as to what Bucky thought. He laughed under his breath but took a minute to speak making me a little nervous. That was never going to be me, and if he wanted that I didn't know what I'd do.  
"I'm not saying that no, I'm just saying I'd like the opportunity to take you out on a real date...one that doesn't involve armed guards standing in the other room." Amidst all of this chaos this was what Bucky was concerned about and that fact made me feel incredibly good.   
"I like you Bucky Barnes." I respond unable to hide my smile as I throw my arms around his neck, kissing him briefly. "And I don't know about you but I liked our first date...the dancing was kinda nice despite my two left feet." Bucky grinned widely at the memory of me constantly stepping on his feet. We had shared once nice dance of course, one I wouldn't forget, one that made me begin to question who he really had been. "You know it wasn't long after that I started to look into your file...do some more digging. Then that day when you'd been so afraid to forget me." Thinking about those days hurt like hell but being able to talk about it with Bucky sort of made it easier.   
"I'm glad you did. I'm glad you tried to help....you know I don't blame you right?" He'd told me this several times in the week since I'd been back but it was still hard to believe. I nod though like I always do and pull him closer hugging him tightly. As I held onto Bucky I could hear the bickering in the other room growing louder until tony ends up flying through the door pissed off and angry as hell heading towards the two of us.  
"Alright look kid we are gonna need you to take us to them. We can't just sit around and wait for them to attack." I can tell he's upset and anxious and I get it, but he doesn't seem to have any sense of personal boundaries. Bucky again doesn't react too well to him trying to get close to me,stepping in his path.   
"Look I don't think that's a good idea because if we leave this place unguarded they're going to attack when they know you're vulnerable. Plus by now odds are pretty good they moved. Rumlow knows I'm alive and he'll assume I've come here for Bucky." Tony rolls his eyes at my response and continues his little tirade.  
"Ya know Rogers I get that you only wanted to help your friend but you've put us all in danger." He huffs giving up on reasoning with any of us right now. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to make sure pepper is safe and as far away from this damn place as possible before the hydra bastards decide they want to come play." After storming off the rest of the so called avengers sort of lingered around the hallway looking more lost then anything else except Steve, no he looked incredibly guilty and soon sulked away in the opposite direction.   
"Bucky...we need to go talk to Steve." I whisper in his ear. I don't know what it was but something was telling me that he needed someone to talk to.  
"I know." Bucky clearly sensed that as well and as the rest of them go their separate ways he helped me to my feet and we went to look for the captain. When we found him he was sitting alone staring out the window at the city. The look he wore almost broke my heart. I didn't know Rogers very well but from what I have gathered and the brief conversation we'd had before I left, he was a genuinely good guy. He wanted me to stay not just for Bucky but for myself. He seemed to care despite not knowing anything about me except that I was one of the bad guys.   
I stop Bucky for a second motioning for him to let me walk the rest of the way on my own. I needed to speak to Steve first, then I'd let Bucky. This was something that had weighed heavy on my mind since the day id left this place and it needed to be done. Bucky nods hesitantly and tries to step in when he sees how much it hurts to walk, but I set his mind at ease with a quick kiss and a nod.  
"I'm fine." Carefully I make my way to Steve's side and take a seat in silence. I gaze out the window at the city and feel Steve's eyes on me as I take in the snowy day. "Ya know I never got the chance to thank you Rogers." I continue to stare out the window but glance at Steve after a moment.  
"You don't have to thank me." I couldn't quite make out his opinion of me, but I didn't mind. He seemed slightly uneasy by my presence. Odds were Bucky was the only one that trusted me, but I was going to make sure Steve at least got where I was coming from.   
"No I do have to thank you. Not for helping me but for not giving up on Bucky. I left...I bailed...you didn't." Steve paused a moment, glancing at me again unsure, then out the window.  
"He's my friend." It was that simple for steve I could tell. When he's your friend he's not going to give up on you, end of discussion. I swallow hard thinking about how I hadn't given up either not on Bucky, but myself.  
"Well he's lucky to have a friend like you." Steve didn't appear to think so, no his face was still sad and guilty. "Ya know Tony's just upset...what he said he wasn't right. You only wanted to help..."  
"But I did put everyone here in danger." Immediately I shake my head, wanting him to not feel this way for some reason.   
"No Steve you helped your friend that's it. That's what you do you help your friends and you're going to do that again whenever the hell these guys try to attack. Don't feel bad for something you can't control okay?" A small smirk appeared on the corner of his lips at my words. "What?" I ask curiously, glad to see he's willing to hear me out. Most of the people in this building don't trust me very much, so to see him feel sort of at ease around me is nice.  
"Did you ever consider taking your own advice?" He says with a small laugh and it takes a moment but I realize what he's saying, and that he's trying to help me too. Hmm, I guess this was what it was like to have a friend. Ya know one that isn't going to turn on you at the first sign of trouble, or kill you the second the get the chance.  
"Ya know what Rogers you make a pretty good point." We both laugh quietly then I turn back to face the window. The silence fills the air once more and I sigh, content to just be in his company. Much like Bucky there's something about being in the presence of Steve that sort of makes you feel safe, like he will have your back whether you ask him to or not.   
"Hey Charlie?" I turn again to face Steve and he does literally the last thing i expect and wraps both of his big arms around me in a tight embrace. I'm sort of in shock for a moment and don't know how to react, my arms lingering at my side. A second later though I lift them, hugging back trying but failing to hide the grin that's spread across my face. "It's not your fault either. You came...you warned us...so don't you dare think of leaving again because we are all in this together okay? You are an important part of this team and you do matter. Got it?" As I listened to the things that the captain America said to me, I found myself fighting back tears. He owed me absolutely nothing yet here he was being so incredibly kind to a person who had a hand in trying to kill him on multiple accounts. It was by far the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me and I was sort of speechless.   
"Got it." I whispered back in return.   
"Good. Now you can go tell Bucky it's his turn now." I laugh louder then I probably should have breaking the tension in the moment right away and pull back looking at Steve a moment, his smile sweet and caring.  
"You got it captain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I just really needed Steve and Charlie to have a moment too, after all they both love Bucky


	20. Chapter 20

"You're up soldier." Charlie made her way toward Bucky limping slightly. "I'm gonna go take a nap....apparently getting bullets removed from your body makes ya a little tired." Bucky smiled as she stood on her tip toes kissing him lightly on the cheek.  
"How'd it go?" He asked her, taking a peak at Steve over his shoulder. He was still sitting on the couch where she left him. Charlie shrugged and turned to look as well.  
"He's gonna be okay...the same way we all will I guess which isn't saying much but just go talk, keep him company..." Bucky had to admit he liked that she cared about his friend. That was certainly a complex relationship and Charlie got that, but she knew when a little push was needed for Bucky. "Just show him he didn't make a mistake by taking you in buck...we both have to do that." She turned back to face Bucky who was starting to have these mixed feelings about everything. She was right they needed to live up to everything Steve had believed when he agreed to help them. It was a lot though and the pressure scared the hell out of him.  
"I don't know if I can do that...I'm not that same guy he used to know and..."  
"Bucky, no ones asking you to be." She reached out grabbing his arm and pulling him closer resting her chin on his shoulder. He was very happy to have her here, that pit in the feeling of his stomach wasn't there when she was around. All that crap in the past didn't matter. He didn't feel that way with Steve.  
"I just feel like I'm gonna let him down." Charlie sighed at his words squeezing him tighter. He wanted to go over there and convince Steve he'd made the right choice but he just wasn't sure himself.  
"Hey if he could accept me...the freaking niece of Alexander pierce and someone who would have gladly killed him only months ago...I'm positive he will be able to accept you too."  
"I did almost kill him." That day on the hellicarrier was a topic Bucky had avoided because the guilt was far too much. It was practically eating him alive. Charlie could tell by buckys face that this was hard for him, if anyone got that she did, but if they were going to make it through this he had to try harder with the the captain.  
"Trust me...he's not angry with you. Just go talk to him okay?" Bucky looked down at Charlie, her eyes wide and hopeful but face serious and beautiful as always. He reached a hand out brushing her cheek lightly. Maybe she was right, maybe leaving was the best option.  
"What if we both left? Then everyone would be safe." It wasn't the most well thought out plan but Bucky liked the idea of just the two of them on the run. He could tell she wasn't convinced though.  
"It's definitely tempting but I think this place...God I never thought I'd say this, but I think we sort of belong here, with these people. It's good for us." Bucky listened as she spoke, her eyes holding his gaze as he took in her words. They were genuine and sincere and made Bucky even more confused about the whole situation. He sighed loudly, sort of frustrated by everything but smiled at Charlie who smiled back. "What do Ya say soldier?" He looked at his friend once more but something in him was keeping him still. He wasn't ready to talk to him, no, not yet.  
"I'm sorry...." Bucky turned to see that Charlie's grin had turned into a frown. Great, now she's disappointed too. "I can't." Charlie was ready to object but Bucky stopped her, kissing her briefly and then heading off on his own. He was glad she was here, glad things weren't as they once were, but dealing with Steve was still tricky for him. Making Charlie see that wasn't as easy as it should be but it wasn't her fault. She's been more then understanding and only wanted to help but finding the words had been too difficult for Bucky. He just wanted to be with her, only her, and pretend nothing was going on around them. She'd been his salvation in a way, an escape from everything that he hadn't dealt with. Now she wanted him to deal and he wasn't ready. Time, he kept telling himself, time was all he needed but it seemed like the more time that passed the less likely it seemed like anything was ever going to be okay again.  
~~  
“Where were you?” Bucky asked as I walked back into his room, throwing my hair up into a ponytail, wiping the sweat that covered my forehead. He looked annoyed almost and I was a little thrown off.  
“I was in the gym with Natasha and Sam.” Sure I wasn’t totally back in the swing of things and mostly everything I did at the gym hurt like hell but I needed to start early, get in shape again so I was prepared for whatever Hydra was planning. I brushed past Bucky because I didn’t want to argue, no, I just wanted a nice hot shower because almost every muscle in my body was sore.  
“I don’t get why you keep pushing yourself Charlie. It’s not safe you could…”  
“Look…Bucky.” I stop him midsentence because I know exactly where this is going and if he acts like a concerned parent one more time I’m going to freaking lose my mind. “I know you’re concerned and I appreciate that, I do.” He looks at me with those sad puppy eyes, making me feel horrible of course, so I walk to his side and grab both of his hands in mine squeezing them tightly. “But I’m not some fragile thing that’s just going to break. I have to be ready for them alright…I can’t let them win…not again…” My voice trails off as I think of every damn thing that’d happened in the last few months. I feel sick to my stomach remembering those men, every single one of them, all who had the upper hand. That’s not going to happen again. I won’t let it.  
“Charlie, they won’t.” He releases my hands and pulls me closer into his arms, holding me tightly, his chin resting atop of my head. I know he just wants to help, he’s trying to be comforting, but it makes me feel small, weak. “I won’t let anything happen to you I promise.” Again I get that he wants to protect me, but something about this whole thing doesn’t sit well with me. I pull away, taking a step back from him.  
“I don’t need you to protect me Bucky. I can take care of myself.” I look away as I say this, afraid to see the hurt look on his face.  
“The thing is you don’t have to….”  
“I want to.” I cut him off again, not meaning to be rude but I don’t want to discuss this anything further. When I glance up I see those big sad eyes staring back at me again and he looked like a child who’s been scolded. I feel horrible. “Bucky, I’m sorry….” I swallow hard and close that gap between us once more throwing my arms around his neck. “So you know how you’re dealing with some stuff? Stuff you can’t speak about?” He holds my gaze a moment, jaw clenched then looks away nodding. “Well I am too and this is the only way I know how to handle it okay? I still love you…that hasn’t changed I promise.”  
“I just feel like I have to look out for you, make sure you’re alright. If anything happened to you…” He paused mid sentence and looked down, and the guilt started to become overwhelming. Leaning forward I rested my head against his chest, his arms clinging to my waist. This was complicated as hell and we both had so much crap going on. It was a freaking miracle we were able to be normal functioning human beings at this point honestly.  
“Nothing is going to happen to me again.” He squeezed me tighter, his metal hand grazing the skin beneath my shirt and I wondered if it would go any further. The two of us hadn’t been together that way in months and my god I missed it. Plus the idea of actually being alone, with not a single member of Hydra nearby, made it that much better. It didn’t move higher though only rested in that one spot and I sighed wishing he would just ravish me, just once like he’d used to. Sure the circumstances were different and we were a lot less of a mess back then, but man I missed the feel of his hands on me right now. “I won’t let anything happen and you won’t either right?” I add, trying to get my mind off the idea of Bucky taking me right there on the bed in the corner of the room. A bed was one thing we’d never had the pleasure of having in that vault.  
“Never.” He replied quietly with that sadness still lingering in his voice as he leaned back and looked into my eyes again. I couldn’t resist this time though, his lips were calling to me, so I met them with mine putting a lot more strength behind the kiss then I had intended. “Whoa…” He said as we both came up for air.  
“Ya know I’m pretty much healed at this point…I doubt the doctor’s would object to a little cardio.” I glared up at him, his eyes full of heat as I felt that metal hand travel farther just as I’d wanted it to.  
“Oh really? So they know about the gym then?” I licked my lips, wanting his back on mine immediately.  
“Okay maybe not, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them right?” I pull his face back kissing him softly at first, taking my time, remembering the first time he’d kissed me that way then slowly I worked my way down his jaw, hands sliding up the front of his shirt grasping at the hemline and working its way over his head.  
“You are not going to make this easy are you?” I grinned at the sight of him, shirtless before me. God he was beautiful, metal arm gleaming in the low light. After leaning up and kissing him softly on the lips I pulled away once more.  
“No I’m not.” I gripped his back pulling him closer to my body, taking in his scent as I kissed the crevice of his neck working my way down his firm chest then back up to his lips which gladly parted for me. We stumbled a bit moving towards that bed and with one shove I had him on the mattress and I followed immediately after, our lips only parting briefly as he practically tore my shirt from my body, both of us cracking up as it flew across the room. He stopped a moment though when he saw the scars on my stomach, the bullet wounds still covered by bandages but from that damn doctor and his knives, well they were everywhere. “My god…” He said as his fingers gently traced the outlines of them and though he hadn’t meant anything by it, my stomach began to churn at the memories they held.  
“Shut up and kiss me.” I say, my jaw clenched trying not to focus on any of that crap, throwing myself back onto Bucky who gladly did as I said. It was Bucky’s hands on me, his lips kissing me, this was what I had to keep reminding myself. If I wanted this to stop it would, but I don’t want it to, no I want Bucky. As I hovered over him I felt his hands sliding down towards my hip, one moving towards my ass as the other moved between the fabric of my shorts and my skin sending chills through my body. A moment later he lifted me and we soon switched spots, him above me as I lay on the bed. His lips trailed down my neck and along my collarbone as I grasped his back firmly, feeling the strong muscles in my hands. I felt safe I did, but he was so much bigger then me and when I closed my eyes remembering that it was Bucky became more and more difficult.  
He kept kissing me though and slowly started to remove my bottoms but his human hand was too rough, not intentionally so, but the feeling of his flesh on mine only brought back the memories of those disgusting men. I opened my eyes and looked at Bucky. It was Bucky kissing me and I loved him and I wanted to be with him, but when his hand began to work with the fabric of my underwear it didn’t feel good, no I couldn’t see Bucky, only those men…so many strange faces…doing whatever the hell they wanted with me. I felt like I was going to be sick.  
“No…” I said in between kisses, the panic rising inside of me, but Bucky was too caught up in the moment to hear me. His hands continued to touch me strongly, something I had wanted only minutes before. “No…” When his hand began to slide that fabric down I reacted on instinct. “I said stop!” I shouted angrily pushing him away as hard as I could and sliding out from under him getting up to my feet stumbling to find my clothes, hating how vulnerable I was standing there in just a bra and panties.  
“Charlie…hey…I’m sorry I didn’t…”  
“No.” I stop him, avoiding his gaze entirely and facing the opposite direction. I could feel him behind me approaching slowly. “Don’t apologize…you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry.” I take a couple of deep breaths trying to regain my composure, not wanting him to know I was seconds away from having a mental breakdown. He’d only blame himself. Once I knew I wasn’t going to cry hysterically anymore I turned back to see him standing there just as lost and confused as always. “I think I’m just gonna take a shower okay? I’m all gross from the gym.” I said pretending like everything was okay, when on the inside I was screaming. His face told me he wasn’t going to just drop this, no he’d want to make everything okay again. That’s all Bucky wanted, to protect me and make sure I’m alright, but it was useless.  
“Okay…take a shower. I’ll be here.” He wasn’t going anywhere, that was good, but I felt horrible again. Why was he so insistent on saving me?  
~~


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty kiddos I hope Ya don't mind if I just keep writing lol I enjoy it:-)

Pre-serum flashback~~

This was the third time this week Bucky had to intervene when Steve decided he wanted to pick a fight with nearly every guy in Brooklyn. Naturally they were never the same size as him, always over six feet and had at least a hundred pounds on the little guy, but Steve never backed down. He was insistent on getting his ass kicked and Bucky was getting a little fed up at this point. His friend was going through some stuff, he knew that. Losing both parents couldn’t have been easy, but Bucky wished he would have handled things a little differently.  
“Ya know Steve I’m not always gonna be there to get you out of these messes.” Bucky told him as he lifted him to his feet, Steve rolling his eyes, just sort of angry at the world these days.  
“No one’s asking you to Buck.” Bucky trailed behind Steve as he stormed off back out onto the street knowing how mad his friend was right now. He didn’t want to talk about this stuff though, no he’d rather just start fights for no reason.  
“You know you don’t have to ask me to. You never do pal.” Bucky stood by his friend through it all though. He didn’t give up, not easily, no matter how hard Steve tried pushing him away. Bucky couldn’t help but want to protect him, it’d been that way their whole life. Steve stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk, his face contorted in frustration ready to lash out but Bucky had expected this so he stood and took it like always.  
“Bucky I told you before I can take care of myself. I don’t need you always following me around making sure I’m okay because I can make it by on my own. I don’t need your help.” This wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last but if Bucky knew anything it was how to handle Steve when he got like this. He wasn’t going anywhere because it was in his bones, his instincts had always been to look after Steve ever since they were kids on the playground and that wasn’t changing anytime soon.  
“Alright look. If you want to get your ass kicked by random guys then I’m gonna be right by your side. Let’s go…there’s a bar right around the corner. I know a couple of fellas who are huge, most people wouldn’t wanna mess with them, well most sane people." Bucky threw an arm around Steve turning him around and leading him in the direction of this dive bar only real scummy people hung around. It was the perfect place for Steve if he was looking to pick fights. The last time Bucky had been there most of the guys were kicking the crap out of each other and when he’d asked a couple of them what was going on, they couldn’t come up with a reasonable excuse except for that they liked hitting people.  
“What’re ya dong Buck? I told you…”  
“Steve you know there’s no point in arguing with me. I’ve told you this and I’ll tell ya again…I’m with you till the end of the line. No questions asked…so stop being such a pain in the ass ya punk.” Bucky said rolling his eyes and patting his friend on the back roughly. Steve let out a small laugh realizing it was useless. He tried on many occasions to make Bucky angry enough to leave him be, let him fight these guys and deal with his demons alone, but if he had to choose one word to describe his friend, loyal would be the first thing that came to mind.  
“Alright fine, but maybe instead of going to the bar we could just go get something to eat instead.” Steve stomach had been growling in hunger for over a day now, being that money was on short supply and food wasn’t easy to come by for him. The idea of a warm meal sounded a hell of a lot more appealing then getting his butt handed to him by some drunks that could probably kill him. Bucky smiled at his friends request, glad to see that he had given up the fight at least for today.  
“My mom’s got a meatloaf in the oven and she made that amazing chocolate cake we both love.” Bucky’s mouth began to water just thinking about it. Not something he’d necessarily admit out loud but he had a hell of a sweet tooth.  
“That’s sounds great man.” Steve responded getting a little too excited at the mention of that cake. Bucky’s mom only made it on special occasions so he was curious as to what it was for tonight. The two of them made their way back to Bucky’s place and as soon as they opened the door the whole family lit up at the sight of them.  
“Oh boys you’re early! It was supposed to be a surprise James you know that!” Bucky’s mom shouted from across the room, reaching into the stove wearing a big smile. Bucky’s dad was sitting at the table setting up the plates and not knowing what to do. Bucky just laughed at his parents and dragged Steve behind him.  
“Sorry ma, if I didn’t get him here sooner the kid was gonna get himself pummeled.” Bucky patted Steve on the back, leading him into the kitchen.  
“Well Steven have a seat sweetie.” As Buck went to the fridge and got some milk Steve looked around a little confused as to what all the fuss was about. What was so special about tonight?  
“Thanks, Mrs. Barnes but I don’t get it…what’s the special occasion?” Steve asked confused and heard Bucky laughing behind him.  
“Well sweetheart we know its a few days early, but we thought tonight we’d do something special for your birthday.” He was caught off guard by her words because in all honesty that had been the last thing on Steve’s mind these days. After he lost his mom he couldn’t really think about much other then the fact that he was pissed, at life and the hand he’d been dealt. He was angry almost every day, fed up with being picked on and tired of being the scrawny little guy who could barely do anything without getting hurt or sick. The fact that Bucky and his parents remembered this though, well it really meant a lot to him. “James told me to make that cake ya both love so much, so I hope you’ve got an appetite.”  
Steve smiled to himself glancing up at Bucky who placed a drink before him and took a seat across the table. This was exactly what he had needed, a distraction, one that didn’t involved him getting hit the face. The Barnes’ were like a second family to him and he was incredibly thankful that they would do something like this for him. He wasn’t surprised though, they were good people and had on more then one occasion helped Steve without him even having to ask. He knew Bucky had learned to be the person he was from them so it made sense that he was always looking after Steve, his parents raised him to be that way.  
“Thank you so much Mrs. Barnes, Mr. Barnes…” Steve began, glad he had listened to Bucky and came with him today instead. “I really appreciate this.”  
“No problem kiddo.” Mr. Barnes said raising his glass in the air and taking a sip of his drink, smiling at his wife and she brought over the food.  
“Oh it’s our pleasure sweetie, but this was all James’ idea. He’s a sweet boy that one…” She responded happily and Bucky just rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You’re a part of this family too, so you better start expecting this sort of stuff Steven.” She smiled and took a seat beside her husband. “Well dig in boys.” Steve didn’t have to think twice before devouring his entire meal. It was absolutely delicious and the entire time all he could think about was how grateful he was for a friend like Bucky. He was like the brother he’d never had and glad that even though he could be a real pain sometimes he still stuck by him. That was a good friend to have.  
~~

 

“Alright I want you to give me everything you got soldier.” Bucky watched as Charlie lifted her fists into the air, bouncing up in down preparing herself to block his swing.  
“You’re out of your mind you know that right?” He said shaking his head suppressing a laugh at the sight of her. It had only been a couple of days since she’d been given the go ahead from the doctor, but she still looked like she’d just gotten her ass kicked hours before.  
“I’m not crazy…I’m just…determined.” The look on her face made that clear but there was no way in hell Bucky was going to fight Charlie. It was too dangerous.  
“It’s not gonna happen Charlie.” Immediately she rolled her eyes growing frustrated with him and more then likely herself.  
“I’ll go a couple of rounds with you.” From the other side of the gym Steve entered the room wearing a smug grin that for some reason sort of irritated Bucky. The other day he had planned to speak with him, like Charlie had, but he just couldn’t. Now here he was showing up to interrupt the two of them and Bucky was sort of wishing Charlie had gone with his idea to leave the tower altogether.  
“Aha! Yes…get in here captain.” Charlie waved him over and Bucky shook his head immediately.  
“Whoa come on, the doctor told you to take it easy, not try and fight a couple of genetically enhanced soldiers.” He didn’t mean to raise his voice or lose his cool but this entire situation was beginning to get the better of him. Day in and day out Charlie was telling these avengers everything, plotting and planning their next moves as Bucky stood by and just watched. He wanted her safe, but she seemed determined to get involved in some shape or form. Charlie didn’t seem too phased by his mini outburst, slowly growing accustomed to his ever changing moods. Those first few days they’d been reunited it had been nice, peaceful almost, the two of them just glad to have each other again but things were growing tense once more. They weren’t angry with each other but given all they’d been through, dealing with it in an appropriate way had been a little difficult. Bucky just wanted to be alone, try and talk about things with her but Charlie kept using Rumlow and Hydra as a way to avoid that sort of stuff. “You’re going to get yourself hurt.”  
“Bucky I can handle myself.” She replied stubbornly, trying not to show too much annoyance but Bucky could tell she wasn’t going to give up. “If you don’t wanna stick around and watch me kick Captain America’s ass that’s fine…leave.” Her tone shifted as she spoke and Bucky knew she was done trying to appease him. She was going to fight someone, even if he tried to prevent it. “Rogers get your ass in here.” Now she was ignoring him, walking over to the ropes of the boxing ring and sliding inside leaving Bucky standing there not sure what to do. She was angry, he could tell, but he had absolutely no idea how to handle her when she got like this. Their relationship was even trickier then the one with Steve and he was growing more frustrated by the day as he realized he had no clue how to be with a woman like Charlie. In the vault things were different, almost simpler, but that’s because they were both essentially prisoners of that situation. Having an opinion or thought of their own and being able to express that wasn’t possible. This was the Charlie he knew and loved, but she was different, the act of being happy and only wanting to please him was long gone. He needed to adjust to this new person, learn how to protect her when she didn’t want him to.  
Steve walked passed him too, giving Bucky an assuring nod. He knew Steve wasn’t going to use all of his strength in this fight, but it wasn’t him Bucky was worried about. Charlie was going to push this, he had no doubt and in the end it’d be her who got hurt so Bucky needed to stay and make sure that didn’t happen.  
“Alright Cap, let’s see what you got.” Bucky lingered by the boxing ring watching as Charlie stood before Steve, nearly half his size and an image came back him. The look on her face, like she has to prove something to everyone including herself, it was so familiar to him. He’d seen if before but he couldn’t place it, but he knew this wasn’t the first time he’d wanted to keep someone he loved from getting into trouble. Charlie was the first to take a swing but she wasn’t fast enough and Steve ducked it, laughing and moving around the ring ready and glad to have someone to spar with. His face struck Bucky then, that grin, it was him. The memory of Steve Rogers, a lot smaller of course, getting his ass handed to him by some angry bully came rushing back and Bucky was caught off guard. Memories for him had come far and few between these days but this one was so clear it felt as if he were almost there in that moment as he watched Charlie go head to head with Steve.  
She was resilient and strong, taking hit after hit and actually getting in some pretty good ones too. Bucky was in a way sort of proud to see her getting back to her old self, knowing she was feeling this lack of control the same way he had been. Now though it was clear from the way she landed that last hit to Captain America’s jaw, knocking him backwards, that she was fully capable of doing this. The two of them kept going at it and it was sort of strange Bucky didn’t feel like Charlie needed his help, he was able to let go a second of that urge to get in there and protect her. This was Steve she was up against and if anyone got the way she was feeling he had since he was a kid. Bucky was alright with this but that moment didn’t last very long.  
A couple minutes into the fighting, Charlie got a good swing in, knocking Steve back towards the ropes once more but when he came back she was unable to block a hit that landed directly in her ribs, right near one of the spots she’d taken a bullet. Immediately she doubled over in pain, falling to her knees gripping her side and at the sight of this Bucky flew into the ring without hesitation. Instinct kicked in right away and Bucky only saw Charlie hurt and nothing else, so when Steve tried to step in his way he only reacted out of rage throwing him halfway across the room, a loud bang echoing in the distance as Steve hit the dry wall hard. Bucky paid him no mind though.  
“Charlie are you alright?” His touch was soft but panic was clear in his voice as he examined her for any sort of new wound. She remained hunched over, holding her side and avoiding Bucky’s gaze.  
“I’m fine….” She swallowed hard glancing up briefly, spotting Steve on the other side of the room trying to regain his composure. “God damn it Bucky.” She looked up at him now, eyes burning with anger. “I told you I could handle my damn self…” Bucky wasn’t sure what to say, but it didn’t matter because a moment later she was pushing him away and doing her best to stand upright. The pain she was in was obvious but she refused to admit it out loud. “You okay Rogers?” She shouted across the room.  
“Yep…I’m good.” He answered as he shook the hit off, a smile on his face. These two were both idiots, Bucky thought to himself, stubborn as hell and didn’t give a damn about their own well being and frankly it was starting to piss Bucky off.  
“Ya know what between the two of you I’m gonna lose my god damn mind more then I already have. Do you guys get that what you’re doing, being so reckless, it’s not good for anyone. Look I’ve…” Bucky stopped mid sentence, feeling all of these emotions bubbling over, ones from before his days as the soldier and those from well after, and it was if he’d finally reached a tipping point. “I’ve almost lost both of you, hell I could have killed both of you and I get the feeling that you would have been okay with that as long as you went down swinging. I’ve killed a lot of people I know what these men are capable of because I was one of them do you get that? Huh Charlie? You know what they can do…they did it to you repeatedly yet you refuse to acknowledge that these men are monsters…I was a monster…” This had started out as a rant, he was angry with Charlie and Steve but somehow it had shifted. The looks they wore as they stared at Bucky made it clear, he was the monster, wasn’t he?  
“Bucky you weren’t a monster.” Steve said as he took a step forward, the pity clear on his face making Bucky even angrier.  
“Just shut up Steve. I don’t want to hear it.” Bucky glanced at Charlie for a moment whose eyes had never left him while he spoke. She didn’t pity him though, her face held something different, an understanding almost but she didn’t move or say a thing only held his gaze. Bucky shifted nervously knowing his outburst was heard and she wanted to listen, but he couldn’t say anymore. Memories of those kills, images of the men that could have been the ones who’d hurt Charlie, flooded his mind and he needed to hit something. The only option had been the floor of the boxing ring and without a thought he turned his body kneeling and slamming his metal fist into the canvas and punching a hole right through it. He stayed kneeling, breathing heavily trying to get his temper back under control when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Charlie and he knew it, but still flinched at her touch.  
“Bucky…” She whispered, her voice thick with guilt, knowing if it weren’t for own stubbornness he wouldn’t be in this situation right now.  
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He replied, his voice breaking as he spoke, jaw clenched and eyes closed. It had been a long time since he’d felt this way and he wished it would just stop. The pain was too much.  
“I’m okay Bucky, I will be okay and so will you. It’s not your fault okay, none of it was. Please remember that.” She’d known he felt responsible for it all, everything that happened after he’d fallen from that train in the 40’s, all of those people he’d killed. “Please remember that you were following orders okay, you were doing what you thought was right because if you think you’re a monster then you think I am too...” Her words struck something in Bucky and as she kneeled down beside him his eyes opened, glaring at her intensely. “I knew what I was a part of Bucky, I did what I did willingly, okay you didn’t know any better so know that doesn’t make you a monster it just makes you a good soldier, a soldier that despite being way too protective…” She pauses a moment, reaching out and brushing his hair back with a smile and a sad laugh. “That I love, so, so much.”  
“Charlie….I…I don’t…” Bucky stammered his words because truthfully he couldn’t come up with a thing to say. Charlie didn’t wait for an answer from him though, she threw both arms around his neck holding him tightly.  
“Shhh…it’s okay.” Lifting his arms he gripped her firmly, not wanting to let go, afraid that if he did he’d fall apart all over again. “Neither of us know what the hell we are doing, that’s okay…it’s okay, you’re going to be okay. I promise.” Her voice was strong, protective as she spoke and Bucky held onto that, knowing that despite their difficulties she was going to do whatever she could to make sure that was true. As he held onto her with everything he had an interruption came only a few minutes later from the entrance of the gym.  
“Hey you guys we’ve got some news, there’s been an attack and…” Natasha came into the gym unaware of what she was interrupting but stopping when Steve gave her a wave. “Whoa…sorry…what the hell happened in here?” She asked taking in the sight before her, the huge indent in the dry wall and the destroyed boxing ring. Bucky and Charlie’s embrace ended and she helped him to his feet, not letting his hand go, wanting to make sure he was steady enough to be on his own before releasing him.  
“It’s nothing, what’s up Nat?” Steve asked stepping in her direction, Charlie and Bucky slowly making their way behind him.  
“Well, it’s all over the news. Grand Central Station was just hit. There were eight men, all strapped with bombs and before they blew themselves along with a few hundred civilians to bits they shouted one thing….” Natasha paused, glancing around the room at the two super soldiers and the former enemy. “Hail Hydra.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note I know Bucky is supposed to have siblings...I think...however I read something sebastian stan said awhile back and in this he'a an only child idk I like thinking him and Steve only had each other....more to come!!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty....i'm back...and i've got a plan...this chapter and the next are just getting it started

“Three more have been reported dead, over dozens severely injured in the attack today at Grand Central Station in downtown Manhattan.” As the words leave the channel ten reporters mouth I feel sick. I’m surrounded by the Avengers, Bucky by my side his hand still firmly in mine, but I don’t register their presence only hear the reporters words and watch the screen as people are scrambling to safety, fear clear as day on their faces as they search for loved ones to make sure they’re not one of the many dead. “This was said to be the work of Former Nazi rogue science division Hydra, who had been revealed to be secretly infiltrating our government for decades, just months ago.” She continues to speak, the only sound filling the room, all of us thrown by this move.  
“They were supposed to come after us…” I say quietly, thinking about all of those innocent people that had been killed because the information I had was wrong. Bucky squeezes my hand tighter turning to face me, but I can’t move, only continue to stare at those panicking victims on the television. “This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, they said it over and over again…they wanted you back…they were coming here I swear…” I don’t realize until my words get caught in my throat as I try to continue but I’ve started to cry. The tears are falling, my eyes burning but I can’t focus on that, no, only those poor people. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”   
“Charlie…” Bucky starts as I feel him pulling me closer. I don’t resist, no I let him hold me, his arms strong and comforting but it doesn’t help. I’m numb, in shock maybe, but even with him close I still feel unsafe. That feeling that he used to give me like if he was around everything would be okay, had disappeared. It wasn’t anything he had done, but this move by Hydra confirmed the fact that none of us were safe, ever. “We’re going to make them pay…I promise.” I swallow hard and squeeze him tighter, a feeling hopelessness falling over me as my eyes stay fixed on the television. “They’re not going to get away with this Charlie.”  
“They already have.” People were dead. That was it, end of story. We couldn’t fix that, couldn’t save all of those people that were killed today. I feel Bucky’s eyes never leaving me, but I can’t face him right now. I can’t face anyone in this room. No one has said anything to me but I know what they’re thinking. This is my fault. Without saying another word I remove myself from Bucky’s arms, him reluctantly letting me go. Before he can object or tell me to stop I brush past him and the rest of the avengers and make my way out of the room.   
“Charlie.” Bucky yells after me but I keep walking down the empty hallway. I have no idea where I’m going but I need to get the hell out of this place. “Charlie wait…” I don’t stop but Bucky catches up, keeping my pace.  
“This wasn’t your fault.” He says but I shake my head unable to listen to reason.   
“Yes it was.” There was no point in denying this any longer.   
“No it wasn’t, you had no clue this…”  
“No.” I stop dead in my tracks, not wanting him to try and make me feel better anymore. “Just stop Bucky…I know you only want to help I get that but it’s useless. I could have prevented this, those people, those kids…” The sight of the children burnt and bleeding running from that building had been seared into my mind. “I should have known this would happen. They’re ruthless…” I had done some pretty horrible things throughout the years all in the name of Hydra. I was far from innocent but this was different. This was cruel, an act of desperation to let the world know that Hydra was far from dead. “This was only the beginning.” My body shutters at the thought of what they were planning next. “More people are going to die and there’s nothing we can do about that.” A little more then a year ago this wouldn’t have fazed me, but I was different now, the feelings were overwhelming.  
Bucky held my gaze, looking nearly as guilty as I felt. He again had no words to offer me, nothing to make this better because it was obvious he knew I was right. I can feel myself breaking again, wanting to scream or cry but I don’t move only allow Bucky to pull me near once more, burying my face in his chest wishing I could just hide from the world.  
“I beg to differ sister…” I heard a voice coming from behind us and when we turn to see who it is, we see them all standing there, the avengers, angry and above all ready to get down to business. “We’re gonna get them, and you’re gonna help us.” Tony said, Steve at his side, face determined yet sad.   
“I don’t even know where they are, how many of them there are…I want to help, but…”   
“We will figure it out.” Natasha said, her voice strangely reassuring, Clint and Sam nodding in agreement. Bruce and Thor, who’d only arrived a few days ago, were there as well. Everyone seemed so sure, like this could only end with the good guys winning but they just didn’t understand. They didn’t know Hydra the way I did, what hell they were truly capable of.   
“Look I get that you guys are these amazing superheroes and you’ve all gone up against these incredible odds, aliens and gods apparently, but what you don’t understand is that this wasn’t just a way to get the worlds attention. It was a way to recruit. A lot of Hydra members thought after DC that was it, but now they’ll know it’s alive and well and more stuff like this is going to happen. Not just here…but everywhere. They can’t be stopped.” They all glare at me, Bucky too, at a loss for words. “I’m sorry…” I swallow hard, finding it incredibly difficult to be the bearer of this news. “There’s nothing we can do.”  
“Well there’s no need to be such a negative Nancy.” Tony replied, his tone oddly…perky. “You’re right these guys are brutal but I think you need to have a little faith kid.” He walked in my direction and as usual Bucky instinctively stepped between us. “Calm down Frosty, I’m not gonna hurt her…” He looks at Bucky reassuringly who hesitates but nods, then Tony stares straight at me, brown eyes unwavering and intense, “We are going to get these guys, and you’re going to help. They call us the avengers for a reason Charlie and you’re one of us now…so you should get used to the good guys winning. It’s sort of what we do.” The confidence in his voice sends chills throughout my entire body. I’d never heard someone so sure in themselves, or in me. “So what are we waiting for? Let’s get started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's only just begun my friends....ohh man do i have a plan lol


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right now it's all sort of plateauing...there's not a lot of good but not too much bad....the action will be coming soon i swear...this is just sort of the calm before the storm if you will...so bear with me it's a little on the longer side

The next few days were all sort of a blur. Bucky watched as Charlie helped Stark and the rest of the avengers map out the nearest hydra bases and form a plan of attack. One by one they'd make their way to each base and wouldn't stop until they found Rumlow and those responsible for what happened at grand central.  
She was in the zone Bucky had noticed, never coming to bed, only staying up night after night going over every detail making sure there was no room for mistake. Occasionally he would recall moments like this from his days in the war, taking down hydra and the red skull with Steve and those men he knew were friends but still couldn't completely place in his mind. Brief glances of the man that he used to be would come back, and Bucky soon realized he was always one to get his hands dirty. Steve had been the face, the hope for those people back home, but behind the scenes it had been Bucky who had done the things his friend couldn't do.  
He had to wonder if things would be be the same this time. Bucky was willing to do what Charlie couldn't if it meant protecting her, but something told him that was not necessary. There was a quiet determination behind her eyes that grew every day, and he knew she was fully capable of handling hydra herself. He was worried though and he couldn't shake that this was going to end badly. Trying to tell her this was near impossible at this point because the two of them hadn't spent a moment alone since the planning had began.  
As they all gathered once more to go over the game plan Bucky found himself itching to get away and clear his mind. He'd hoped Charlie would come with him, for a walk maybe, something where they could just be at peace for a moment, but at the mention of it she shook him off saying she still had a few things to figure out. She was focused, going over some blue prints and didn't want to be bothered.  
"I'm sorry Bucky not now. I have to figure this out...." Her eyes scanned the page before her never leaving it to even look up at him and he could tell it was useless. He could see the pressure she felt, wanting to make this right, but she refused to admit it out loud, the guilt, the responsibility she was taking on. He stood there studying her a moment longer, knowing this was something bigger then he could probably help her with. This fight was internal and she wasn't going to let it go. A few seconds passed and he knew he had to let her be, leaning in and kissing her on the forehead briefly, seeing that she barely registered his touch except for a small smile she flashed in his direction.  
"I love you." He whispered, just wanting her to hear it, hoping that the words could release at least some of the tension she was feeling. This did catch her attention though and she lifted her glance from the blue prints towards him and he could see how tired she was, how much this was all weighing on her. He wanted to take her from there immediately, make everything better but he knew he couldn't. Staring at him, eyes full of distress, she sighed heavily bringing a hand up to his cheek holding it there for a moment.  
"I love you." Her smile was weak and Bucky could tell she'd been working incredibly hard. He wants to tell her to get some rest, relax a little while but he doesn't, not like she'd listen anyway. Instead he leans in kissing her once more on the lips softly, and lingering a moment before stepping away knowing that she needs to be on her own right now. He can't help her tonight. Bucky left the room, leaving Charlie to get to work and though a walk had been the first thing on his mind something else sounded better.  
"So you and Steve really can't get drunk?" Sam asked as Clint starting cracking up at the thought, both of them grasping their drinks tightly, everyone sort of in need of a little release. Bucky glared down at his glass of whiskey smiling to himself, thinking of the last time he'd seen Steve drunk, pre serum of course. The kid could not hold his liquor.  
"I can get drunk....I just have to drink a lot more...like a whole bottle will give me a good buzz." Sam grinned widely at Bucky and then back at the bartender.  
"Well sir let us get several bottles of your best whiskey....we are getting this solider drunk." Sam and Clint are loud and excited but Bucky just shakes his head, not so sure that's the best idea, but before he objects a voice come from behind.  
"I think that is the smartest thing you've ever said Wilson." The three of them turn around to see Tony headed in their direction taking a seat beside Bucky and ordering himself a drink as well. "We are all about to walk into something and we have no idea what...so I say while we can...let's live a little." He turned to face Bucky who wasn't sure how to handle Stark when he wasn't angry or being a sarcastic ass, but he had a point. Who knew when they'd have another opportunity to kick back and just have some fun? Bucky looked around the room, filled with good people who he had grown to actually like even trust maybe, and they were all clearly scared as hell to go up against hydra though they'd never admit it out loud, maybe they just needed one night where they didn't have to think about all that crap.  
"Alright...fine..." Bucky started, a mischievous smile growing on his face. It had been a very long time since he'd enjoyed some drinks, so who knew what would happen. But hell he knew he'd deserved this. "Let's do it." Tony lit up immediately smacking Bucky on the back laughing along with Sam and Clint.  
"Alright frosty the super assassin is in...this is gonna be a hell of a night." Tony downed his drink quickly and motioned for another as the rest of the guys followed, Natasha, Thor and Bruce soon joining. They'd all needed to blow off a little steam and Bucky found himself surprisingly glad for this little gathering, though soon noticing the absence of two very important people, Steve and Charlie.  
~~  
"What? You don't wanna go get wasted with the rest of the avengers?" Charlie asked as Steve made his way to the desk he'd noticed she'd been sitting at for the last 48 hours. Her voice was ragged, tired and he could tell she was going through hell. Maybe she needed a friend to talk to, he thought to himself.  
"Nah, not tonight. They deserve it though I think, a little break...so do you ya know." He said with a crooked smile, taking a seat in the chair across from Charlie. She stared at him a moment, face blank, then back at the papers before her.  
"No. I need to keep working, I need to make sure this plan goes right...there's no room for mistakes Rogers." He understands, more then most he thinks, needing to destroy hydra. After he'd lost Bucky all those years ago he knew taking them down and defeating the red skull, no matter what the price, was the only option. After fighting hydra the second time he'd learned something though, sacrifice wasn't the only option. He could tell Charlie was in the same mind space he had been in during the war, when he felt like he had nothing to lose, but it wasn't true. That was his mistake, and he was going to try to not let her make the same one.  
"Look Charlie, if anyone gets what you're going through its me, but this plan...no matter how full proof has room for error. It won't go perfectly this sort of stuff never does..." He pulls the papers from her, knowing she needs this extra push and if no one else is going to give it to her Steve has no problem being that guy.  
"What the hell Rogers?" She snaps, yelling, though half heartedly.  
"We are all in this okay? How this plays out will not be your fault, just like what happened at grand central wasn't either....so get your butt up." Grinning widely and despite her objections Steve walks over to Charlie and pulled her from the chair. "The two of us are gonna go watch our friends get drunk and make fools of themselves. Okay?" She stares at him, her blue eyes lost, eerily similar to the looks Bucky had given him in the past when he's tried to do the same sort of thing. He always got angry though and stormed off, Charlie however just stood there still looking at Steve. He watched her a moment longer waiting for some type of response but she says nothing. It seems she's at a loss for words. It's clear to Steve she wants to object, go back to work, get angry or break down, but she's just too tired.  
"I think I should just get some sleep." She whispers lifting a hand and rubbing the back of her neck, a yawn soon following. Steve nods, taking that as a win, knowing full well it's been days since that's happened.  
"I'll walk you to your room." He smiles and she continues to stare a moment longer, a small grin growing on her face. After about a minute she steps forward throwing both arms around him, holding onto him tightly.  
"Thank you..." She says softly, a small crack in her voice as she speaks and Steve hugs her back.  
"It's my pleasure."  
~~~  
"Okay okay...you win!" Clint shouts, his speech slurring but a huge grin on his face. "Dare." Bucky and Sam crack up as Tony stands up, pacing the room trying to come up with the most ridiculous thing for Barton to do. Thor looks on in amusement still trying to comprehend such silly games that keeps these humans entertained and Natasha and Bruce make their way over to the bar for another drink.  
"Okay...I dare you to take off your pants and..."  
"Really fellas? It's gotten to that point already?" Steve interrupts walking in on what has now become a full out party.  
"Oh look who finally decided to show up, captain stick up his butt." Tony remarks snidely downing the last of his drink but gets distracted again by Bruce who lets him know he's probably had enough. He was always the level headed one between the two of them strangely enough.  
"So what's going on? What did I miss?" Steve asks walking over to Bucky who is still laughing and feeling pretty nice.  
"Well Stark got his ass kicked by Natasha in arm wrestling and Thor can apparently bench press more then three avengers." Bucky smiles turning towards the captain, a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. "Oh and I'm drunk....for the first time in over 70 years and fun fact...I'm sort of a light weight." A small hiccup escapes Bucky’s mouth and Steve can't help but laugh. Sure he was wasted but his friend was laughing and smiling like hadn't done in a very long time.  
"Well I'm glad you're having fun pal." Charlie was getting her rest and Bucky was letting loose in his own way. Sure they all still had hell to face but for tonight stuff was kind of alright.  
"I am having fun." Bucky sighed taking in the sight of the avengers, these were good people he thought to himself and he was grateful to be here right now. "Hey man, I know I've been a pain in the ass..."  
"What? No..." Steve tried to interrupt, not wanting Bucky to feel bad about the way that he'd behaved. He'd been through a lot and Steve had accepted that it wasn't going to be an easy process, getting his friend back. "You haven't..."  
"Come on. I've been a dick about 90% of the time." Bucky laughed, more then willing to admit he was in the wrong. Steve smiled and listened as his friend continued. "Now I can't guarantee that's not gonna change but I do want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for me...and for Charlie." Bucky couldn't stop himself from saying all this stuff, three bottles of whiskey down and he was more then tipsy and feeling strangely emotional. He needed to get this stuff off of his chest before they all charged into those bases just like he and Steve had so long ago and the last time ended with him dead. Who the hell knew it would bring the time around?  
"There's no need to thank me. You're my friend and you needed my help. That's what we do, we look out for each other." Steve replied coolly, though he knew this was kind of a big deal for Bucky. Expressing himself was something he'd been struggling with since they'd been here at the tower.  
"No but I do need to say it out loud, at least once. Thank you Steve." Bucky objected whole heartedly, wanting him to hear this. Steve nodded and patted Bucky on the back.  
"You're welcome jerk." Steve slipped, knowing this was something they did years ago, there was no way he'd remember. There was a moment of silence between the two of them, Steve's hopes slowly fading that his friend had fully returned to him and Bucky lost in thought for a moment. About a minute or so later he stood up from the couch, stretching and a little off balance from the booze.  
"I think I'm gonna hit the sack, wanna get an early start tomorrow. Plus I should probably try and get Charlie to bed for once..."  
"Oh she's asleep, I talked her into it before I came here...walked her to her room and waited a couple minutes to make sure she didn't try to sneak back out to work too. She's out like a light." Bucky turned towards Steve unable to hide the surprise on his face at this news. He'd been trying for days to do the same thing and she hadn't budged. Bucky wanted to respond but he was sort of at a loss, just wanting to thank him repeatedly for this, but like Steve said, it wasn't necessary now.  
"Well good." Bucky nodded, stretching his arms and patting Steve on the shoulder as he made his way towards the door. "Night punk." Yawning loudly Bucky left a very happy Steve sitting on the couch, unable to control his smile at the sound of his friend remembering something from the past. Maybe his friend was coming back to him after all.  
Satisfied with himself and his night Bucky made his way back to the room he and Charlie had been sharing for the past month. Though he'd been told she was fast asleep he half expected the room to be empty to when he opened the door he tried not to get his hopes up. It was dark but with a little light from the hallway it was lit dimly for a moment and a huge feeling of relief spread across him as he spotted Charlie on the floor in the little spot he'd made for himself because he still couldn't get used to that damn bed. She had started out sleeping up there without him but most nights she ended up beside him anyway. Tonight was no different.  
Carefully and as quietly as possibly Bucky made his way to where she laid sleeping peacefully. Kneeling down he slid beside her laying his head down on the pillow and wrapping his arm around her waist. Though he didn't make too much noise Charlie still stirred slightly.  
"Bucky?" She whispered, half awake, eyes still closed.  
"I'm here...you're okay, just go back to sleep." He answered his eyes growing heavy now, ready for some sleep too.  
"Bucky you need to promise me something..." Her eyes never opened as she spoke and he had to wonder if she was talking in her sleep. She did that from time to time, but it was never to him, only hydra and begging for the bad men to stop. This was different.  
"Anything." He answered brushing some hair from her face, her features still beautiful in the little light illuminating the room.  
"Whatever happens next...you have to forgive me. Please forgive me." Bucky's stomach dropped at her words, wondering why exactly he would have to forgive her and what she was planning. He wanted to ask her this but seconds later she was out cold again. That good feeling he'd had all night was gone now, replaced with fear and dread and though the last the thing he wanted was to go to bed he had no choice. The alcohol wore him down, and his eyes could barely stay open at this point. Soon he was fast asleep too, but that feeling didn't go away. He just hoped Charlie didn't plan on doing something that would get her killed. He had good friends now and a woman he loved. Bucky wasn't going to let anything ruin this new life he was slowly building for himself. Not one damn thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dunn...dunn...dunnn


	24. Attention!!

Just wanted to say I'm back baby! Ok it's been like over a year but I've managed to pick this up again and woooo buckle in I got some plans and I'll try not to just disappear again lol


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok since it's been such a long break i've taken we shall begin with a flashback, the night when charlie got away from rumlow

Lying in the middle of the cold damp street I felt him approach, his footsteps heavy in those army boots he never took off. My breathing became impossibly slow despite how terrified I actually was. Two gunshot wounds can take a lot out of a girl.  
By my side Rumlow took a knee, merely observing me from a better vantage point. I wanted to get up, run, fight, kick him in the head just something that would get me out of there and back to Bucky.  
"Charlie it didn't have to be this way." His clammy hand gripped my chin roughly forcing me to look him in the face. Even after weeks of looking at his newly scarred skin my stomach still did turns at the sight. It wasn’t just his appearance though, it was how much he'd changed since that day Hydra’s cover was blown. He'd also become a much darker version of himself, cold and bitter. Sure Rumlow was always kind of an ass, but something was now missing and I'd grown to learn that thing was his soul.  
"I didn't want to have to kill you, maybe torture you a little....make you suffer...." Without taking account of how much pain I was in he lifted my torso closer to him so that our faces were a mere inches apart. I could feel his breath warm on my face as he rested his forehead against mine appearing to enjoy the closeness. Even after all this time he still clearly wanted me, and that made my skin crawl. “The way you and your boy toy made me suffer.” His grip on the back of my neck tightened, and I tried to pull away but it was futile. My body hurt all over and he was far too strong for me to take on at the moment. It wasn’t the first time I’d felt helpless this week and I was getting angrier by the second. This was not how I was trained, to become a plaything to use for this sick bastards vendetta.   
“Let go of me.” I said through gritted teeth, still kind of struggling away from him. “I swear to god if you don’t let go of me I’ll…”  
“You’ll what Charlie?” He slammed me back down towards the cement and I didn’t have time to try and cushion the blow. I cursed under my breath as Brock began to angrily pace back and forth above me. With a loud laugh full of no humor whatsoever he started to rant. “My god here you are basically at my mercy and yet you still fight back!” He’s shouting but I’m busy trying to devise an escape out of this alleyway. I’m in pain, but I’ve dealt with worse. I just needed a distraction. “When will you get it through your thick skull that you are going to lose…you’re all going to lose. None of you stand a chance against what we have planned.”  
“Go to hell.” I see it a passerby on the sidewalk not too far from us, here’s my chance. He just needed to be louder, I needed to make him angrier. My words get his attention; he stopped moving gazing down at me heatedly.   
“What was that?” I realized this could actually end with me getting killed but I needed to give it a shot.   
“I said…” struggling I made my way towards the nearest wall using it to pull me up to me feet. I have to clench my jaw tightly so as to not scream when the blood continues to seep through my shirt from the bullet wound. Clean shot I realized, the bullet went straight though my stomach and out my back where I still continued to bleed. “Go to hell.” With a deep breath I stood up straight noticing the wicked glint growing in Rumlow’s eyes. “The avengers are going to defeat you. It doesn’t matter what you do, they’re better and they’re always gonna be better. I am going to make it back to them, I’m going to get back to Bucky. Then tell them everything, and if I don’t get the chance first…” I had to stop talking a moment, my breath catching in my throat as I tried to fight back the pain. “Bucky is going to destroy you.” In one swift motion he was in my face, slamming me against the wall. The wind was immediately knocked out of me and if his large form had not been in front of me I would have doubled over in pain. Instead he again grabbed my face and got close enough to kiss me, but he didn’t, not right away.  
“You keep thinking that sweetheart.” Roughly he forces his lips on mine and then does the last thing I expect. Without any thought or care he released me letting me fall to the ground with a small yelp of pain. He pulled out his phone as I watched from my hands and knees trying to keep it together. “Yes. It’s rumlow…Yes she’s still alive. I can end her right here…” He was cut off, frustrated and clearly ready to put me down once and for all. “Alright fine…no…Ruby she’s going to go straight to them…” He continued like this for a couple of minutes but something had caught my attention and made my blood run cold. It was the name he’d said, Ruby. It sounded so familiar, but I couldn’t quite figure out why. I had this horrible feeling in my stomach though when he’d said again before hanging up the phone. “Well girl, today’s your lucky day.”  
Rumlow came back in my direction and squatted by my side seeming none too pleased that he wasn’t shooting me in the face right now.   
“I don’t know if I’d put it that way…” I still manage to be an ass to him, I can’t help it. Even with two bullet wounds it comes naturally.   
“Oh my sweet charlie you have no idea what’s coming for you.” He tried to brush a few hairs from my face but I smacked his hand away. “You go back to your boyfriend, to your precious avengers and tell them we’ll be coming for ‘em. It won’t be long now…” Standing he smirked, the scars around his mouth making his grin seem almost demented. “See ya soon Charlie.” With an arrogant wink he turned and walked away, leaving me there alone. Ruby, he’d said…who the hell is ruby?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> allllrighty.....lets see where we go from here...buckle up kiddos it's gonna be a bumpy ride...apparently a year of brainstorming is just the right amount of time lol
> 
> also i apologize in advance for typos...you can reread and reread and still miss em


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty....this is angsty I apologize in advance...and I wrote it on my phone so any typos I blame on Apple :-)

Sleep? It was supposed to help, a good nights rest could fix anything. At least that's what I'd thought. Although waking up with buckys arms wrapped around me somewhat comforting. I knew though I'd have to get up and face whatever fresh hell today would bring.  
"Go back to bed Charlie." I felt one of buckys arm squeeze a little tighter, his face pressed against the back on my neck. A small grin formed on my lips as I turned over to face him, his eyes still closed but fully aware of my stare. "We only have a couple of days left to sleep in...if you're going to go on the mission you need to be fully rested." I snuggled a little closer to him, our faces close enough that our noses bump together. My arm goes around his waist to bring his warm body closer to mine. At that his eyes open and they're just so blue and sleepy I could stare at them forever. "You're not going back to bed are you."  
"No." I state plainly leaning back a little so I can get a better view of that handsome face. It had been a week or so since he'd shaven, a pretty solid beard forming and it looked incredibly good. Though I was fully aware of the fact that it was out of stress, he'd given up taken care of himself and was trying to take care of me most days. The two of us were both sort of a mess, only difference is it looked good on him. I however looked like a homeless hippie living on the streets. "Those 6 hours were good enough for me."   
A frustrated sigh left Bucky's mouth as his metal hand reached up laying it gently on my cheek. The cool sensation of the metal felt nice against my skin and I closed my eyes once more leaning into his touch.  
"Well I know there's no use in arguing with you." I laughed my eyes opening again to see the smirk on Bucky's tired face. "So at least let me help." His tone was different, like he wasn't taking no for an answer.  
"Ok." It doesn't take much to notice the surprise in his eyes but he smiled happily nonetheless. His metal hand roamed gently away from my face, tangling up in my hair as Bucky pulled me into a kiss. It was soft, sweet, but soon there was something different in the way he touched me. It was almost desperate, and made my stomach twist up in knots in a good and bad way. I knew we were once again in a complicated situation, but even back in that vault it had never felt this way.   
"Whoah..." I had to pull away not because I wanted to necessarily but my lungs were begging for air. Both of us remained silent, breathing heavily for a moment and just looking at each other lost in thoughts. "Bucky what's wrong?" His eyes searched mine for a moment before he sat up from the mess of blankets on the floor. I followed suit, wrapping an arm around his waist head leaning against his shoulder. I wasn't quite ready to let him go yet.   
"Charlie can I ask you something?" His human hand rested on my arm as the other ran through is messy bed head hair.   
"Shoot." I propped my chin upon his shoulder as he looked down at me.  
"How did you get away from rumlow? He shot you twice then what just let you go?" I could sense this was bothering him, though not sure why.   
"Pretty much...though he'd made a phone call after kicking my ass a little longer." My whole body tensed at the thought of his scarred lips on mine and I couldn't help but pull away from Bucky. Being closer to him felt nice but just the thought of Rumlow made me feel dirty, and Bucky did not need to be tainted with those feelings.  
"He made a phone call?" Walking across the room I could feel my skin beginning to crawl, the bad thoughts trying to resurface.  
"Yes, it was a woman I think...he called her ruby." That name again sending a shiver through me but I fought again to push the pain down. "He wanted to kill me...she however wanted me alive, wanted me back here." These thoughts still plagued my mind constantly, but I had to focus on helping the team. That's what was important, not this Ruby chick. "She probably just wanted me to be alive to see all the chaos, every hydra member knew of me, and some people were not a fan. We all have our enemies Bucky you should understand that better then most."   
His expression hadn't changed since I'd started talking. Those blue eyes were full of so much concern, but it also felt like maybe he didn't believe me. Just the idea that Bucky wouldn't trust me hurt more then I could possibly imagine.   
"Say something." A very tense silence filled the room and I couldn't stand it any longer. "There's something on your mind Bucky so just spit it out." He stood abruptly then was soon sitting at my side on the bed staring at me intently. I took a shaky breath as I waited for him to speak. His eyes left me for a moment, and I could tell he was nervous.  
"It's nothing, it's just...I forgive you...for whatever happens for all that has happened." His words made my stomach drop. Where was this coming from? For the past I thought we were squared. We both agreed to put it all behind us, though I did always carry a piece of guilt with me on a daily basis. The part I didn't get was the future. Did he think I was going to do something bad? Hurt him or his friends?   
"I don't understand...I'm not going to do anything Bucky...I would never..." My walls were cracking the longer i thought about it, about how he still didn't trust me.   
"No I'm not saying you would Charlie. Look just ignore me ok, it's been a rough couple of days for both of us.." He tried to grab my hands but I quickly stood from the bed, falling apart by the second. If I didn't have Bucky I had no one. He was the only person that got it, got me, but maybe I was wrong. I suddenly began to regret every action I had taken within the last year. It had been all for him, all to help Bucky.   
"Yeah I get that Buck i do but I just thought that you were on my side." At my words, ones I could barely get out, he was up and by my side immediately.   
"Hey I am absolutely on your team Charlie, please..." I was making my way to the bathroom and he tried to grab my arm, wanting me to turn around but I was caught off guard, upset. My reaction was totally out of place. I shouted, pushed him away almost terrified that he was going to hurt me. Of course I knew he wouldn't, but after all I'd gone through the intensity of the moment hit me hard. It was his face though when he saw how afraid id been that had actually broken me.  
"I'm sorry Bucky I..."  
"No I should have let you go, I'm sorry." He backed away looking like a lost puppy who'd just gotten in trouble, hiding his left arm behind his back. There was so much shame in those eyes of his, and all I wanted to do was hug him. Hands shaking I stepped forward, but he took a step further in the opposite direction.   
"Bucky it's not you..."  
"It's ok Charlie. I understand." His words were forced as he spoke and again I could feel myself clinging to that last bit of sanity that might still be there. "It's fine, it is." Carefully Bucky took anther step this time towards me. With more caution then needed his kissed my temple, lingering there a moment and I couldn't move. I was supposed to get some rest and make everything better. Guess the joke was on me. "I'm going to change and maybe go for a run with Sam. Call if you need anything." With his human hand he brushed my cheek lightly before pulling away. I watched, barely able to breathe as he grabbed some clothes and sneakers.   
"Bucky?" Just as he reached the door I found the courage to speak. His face turned to me once more. He was hurt, I had already hurt him again damn it. "Do you still forgive me?" With a slight nod and a smirk he turned back opening the door leaving me all alone. My breathing was unsteady and I couldn't help my hands as they began to shake. Finally able to move I did so quietly and curled back up on the floor where we had been sleeping only minutes ago. I held tightly to the blankets inhaling deeply Bucky's scent still lingering on them. Though I was trying to be strong, trying to help, it was useless. To all of these people I was still the enemy that Bucky was going to have to make excuses for. Even he didn't trust me fully. I couldn't help but wonder if I had been better off staying with Rumlow. Sure I would never be safe, but what else was new? Maybe this Ruby person wasn't actually an enemy but an ally? There had to be a good reason for wanting me to be alive right?   
There were too many questions and as I lay there I could feel myself starting to go a little crazier with each second that passed. Standing I began to pace the room anxiously, more and more what ifs running through my mind. Soon enough the anger began to replace the fear and I found the nearest thing, a lamp, tossing it hard across the room. It hit the far wall with a loud smash, the glass flying everywhere and being that I was barefoot I found myself stepping on some soon enough.  
"Son of a bitch!" I screamed frustratedly as I hopped to the bed for support catching more glass along the way.   
"Hey John McClain next time grab some sneakers." A calm voice came from behind me and if I hadn't been so drained I would have attacked immediately. Instead finding the bed, I sat and saw none other then the black widow herself gazing at me with a curious look on her face.   
"Look nows the time, Romanov." Lifting a foot I began to pick out the shards of glass, biting the inside of my cheeks to stop from shouting.   
"Man you've really turned into a wimp Evans. Hydra must've softened ya." She was craking jokes, trying to lighten the mood, but I didn't want to hear it.  
"I'm serious, leave. I don't need..." While removing a particularly large shard of glass i yelped slightly, unable to finish my sentence. Natasha moved from the doorway and to me immediately.   
"Jesus Christ you're even more stubborn then you were before. Come on let's get ya to the infirmary, they've got some pretty sweet pain killers down there." I glanced up at the red head, sort of sad that I hadn't spoken with her much. We worked together plenty of times back when shield was still standing but of course she hadn't known who I really was. In fact I had sort of been avoiding her since I'd gotten here.   
"Why do you care?" She just shook her head holding a hand out for me to take.  
"Because despite the fact that you lied to me for nearly a decade, we were friends once." This small bit of kindness from a woman I had wronged in so many ways hit me hard and in that moment I couldn't hold it in any longer. Crying wasn't a thing I found easy, in fact I hated it. Doing it in front of another person was even worse because it made me look weak. Now though I just lost it, sobs wracking through my body as my head hung low. I tried catching my breath but it only made things worse. Feeling a dip in the bed beside me the tears continued to flow. Soon enough a small but firm arm wrapped around me. All of the emotions from the last few weeks and this morning just bubbled over and I was a wreck in Natasha's arms. She was quiet only holding me as I broke down completely. When I was sure the last of my tears had fallen I removed myself from her embrace, still somewhat embarrassed by the scene that I'd caused. She however only offered a kind smile, wiping a few of my tears away. I grinned back, as much as I could muster.   
"Thank you nat." I whispered,my voice hoarse and weak.   
"No prob Charlie." With one more squeeze she stood. "Now get your butt off that bed. I wasn't kidding about the infirmary, we gotta get that cleaned up." With her help I stood, the pain still annoying as hell. "We don't need you getting some lame infection and not being able to help kick some hydra ass when the time comes." Wrapping one arm around her shoulder a small laugh escaped my lips. Then with an old friends help I made my way downstairs, grateful for her but still in the same constant state of anxiety I had been this past week. Who knows? Maybe that's how I'd be living the rest of my life, never knowing what's coming next and messing things up. My mother would be so proud.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who the hell is Ruby?

Mind wipes. By now the asset had grown accustomed to them. However that didn't prevent the overwhelming fear that came with each one. Anytime a memory would resurface, he tried his best to hide it, for protection. He knew there was more then just this, mission after mission. Occasionally an image would pop in his head, a man, blonde, small. Then one day bigger then the asset himself. Although a strange feeling of protectiveness fell upon the asset each time the face came to him whether it be in a dream or just a memory.  
"He was off today, not taking orders." The asset sat in a small room, guards at the door and a large mirror on the wall opposite him. He was fully aware of the two way mirror, knowing whoever was in charge sat on the other side.   
"Well we will just have to do something about that won't we sweetheart."   
"I told you Alexander, do not call me that...not  here." The two of them watch him sitting there, his jaw clenched face bloody. "I can get through to him. I'll get the report." Alexander turned to face his colleague and friend, knowing it didn't matter if he objected she was going to do what she wanted. Hell it was part of the reason he loved her.   
"After you." He motioned towards the door, the both of them entering the cell carefully not to startle the erratic man in the center of the room.  
The assets eyes were drawn to the woman immediately, the way she dressed, bell bottom jeans and a labcoat. He had to wonder what year it even was, it had never been easy to keep track since they rarely allowed him places other then the base. She approached him, a kind look in her eyes as she checked his vitals. Her hands were steady and confident, not nervous at all he'd noticed.  
"Well soldier it looks like you had a pretty rough mission today." The woman, her brown hair long and pulled up, had kind blue eyes but held a whole lot of secrets the asset thought. It was as if she were playing a part, the part of a kind woman only wanting to help. He saw through it right away.  
"I just need to know what happened, why did you disobey your orders?" Her smile was fake, and the feelings that ran through him set his entire body on edge. The whole act of caring was getting under the assets skin.  
"Just stop." At his words the woman looked caught off guard.   
"Pardon me?"'her accent was thick, German possibly, but the voice she used was sickeningly sweet. The asset could see right through her.  
"I said stop..." He inhaled deeply feeling the blonde man behind hers eyes burn into him. The asset knew he was seconds away from being punished so he had to elaborate, he was just so tired of it all. "Stop pretending to treat me like a human being. You don't care...I didn't follow orders because I remembered something...I know I'm not supposed to be here. So please just do me a favor and start the wipe so I can just forget all of this bull shit." He leaned back in his chair defeated but the other man in the room quickly became infuriated.  
"You listen to me you son of a..." He had charged towards the sullen soldier but the woman quickly stepped between the two of them.  
"Pierce hold on!" She looked towards her accomplice wearing a wicked grin, one the asset knew meant something bad.  
"Ruby he needs to be shown who's in charge." She pulled him to the corner of the room their voices hushed but still loud enough for the soldier to hear.  
"Let me try it on him."  
"What? No don't be ridiculous."  
"It'll work I know it...plus it hurts like a son of a bitch, so we can kill two birds with one stone." He eyed her then looked back to the beaten and bloody man in the chair and considered his options. "Please Alexander trust me."  
"You know I always do."  
"Then let me try." The asset watched the two of them, saw how close they stood, their hands lingering near each other. It was clear there was some type of fondness between them, but it was like the had to hide it. The man looked up at the woman he'd called Ruby and held her gaze, then with a quick nod he took her hand and squeezed.  
"Do it." With no further disruptions she turned and immediately headed back towards the asset. Her eyes were no longer kind, the facade gone. Partially he felt relief, but he also knew this wasn't necessarily going to end well.  
"Soldier sit up." Though he was sure he'd regret it he listened hopefully soon enough he'd be asleep in his room with no recollection this ever took place. Getting down to eye level with him Ruby held both hands forward placing each one on either side of his face. Her fingers were soft to the touch but held something much stronger then anyone else in the room were aware of. Just when the tip of her fingers met the assets skin he felt the whole mood shift. "Tell me. What happened today?" Her normally blue eyes were growing darker by the second. That was the first thing he noticed but even quicker then that he was distracted by an overwhelming pressure flowing through his head. "Solider tell me what happened today then forget everything. You are nothing more then a weapon. Any memory you think you've had are false. Your work here is important but that's all you are, you complete your missions and do as you are told." At a maddening pace the pressure increased and the asset felt like his head was going explode. His heart raced and then he began to break out in a cold sweat. The brain wipes were painful but this was far worse. It was like his body was being placed in a vice and squeezed until he couldn't breath anymore. "Do you understand me soldier?" He couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything other then the pain. "I said..." Taking her hands away she looked at him nearly giddy from the power but the asset recovered only a few seconds later.. It's much quicker then it would have been for most people and in a flash the asset was up on his feet. His first instinct had been to attack, being hurt triggered this in him. The asset quickly wrapped his hands around the woman's throat and shoved her to the floor. The guards were on him in an instant but he threw them off almost immediately. He needed to eliminate her, she was dangerous, every bone in his body screaming "threat!". Beneath him though she laughed, her eyes still dark, nearly black.  
"Get him off of her!" One of the guards pulled out his baton, and hit him over the head until he fell to the floor unconscious beside Ruby. "Remove him! Now!" The guards did as they were told and lifted the asset from the ground and escorted his limp form out of the holding cell. "Ruby!" Alexander rushed to her side and was surprised to find her laughing. "Are you alright?" He helped her up to sit and she still held a smile on her face.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine." She took a moment to catch her breath.  
"I told you it was a bad idea damn it." He continued to check on her for any harm done. Her neck was a little red and scratched but she otherwise seemed unscathed. "It didn't work." At his words a spark lit inside of her, a determination began to brew.  
"It didn't...but it will."

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhh i hope you liked the first chapter...even if you don't many more are coming lol


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